


Empty Handed

by sorrows_stark



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eren is a giant dork, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Levi works at a books store, Levi's POV, M/M, much fluff basically, photographer!eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-05 15:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1823638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorrows_stark/pseuds/sorrows_stark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Erwin leaves, and his and Levi's relationship ends, Levi finds himself feeling more isolated and empty than he thought was possible. He's spiralling downwards and away from the people he held closest. Until one day, in unusual circumstances, he meets a young photographer at the Sina Museum. He's not sure if it's the brat's mischievous smile, the complete awkward dork that he is or those green eyes that draws him in the most, but either way there's something about Eren Jaeger he just can't shake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever SNK fanfiction and I'm really excited about it. I'm looking for it to have around 20 chapters and I'll post every Saturday hopefully. 
> 
> I have a tumblr for my fanfiction where there'll be updates from me, and any questions you have, it's sorrows-stark just like here. Also, I track the tag "fic: empty handed" so you could reach me that way too. I'd love to hear what you think about it.
> 
> Okay, so I hope you enjoy it, and any comments including critique and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Until next Saturday - Kat.

He was fucking everywhere. Everywhere I turned, there were still traces of him. The coffee shop down the road from the bookstore where I worked, I swore I could still see him lining up to get our orders while I sat in our usual spot at the back, with plush arm chairs and a reasonable amount of solitude. On the tube, where he used to stand opposite me, and laugh when it moved without me expecting it, sending me jolting slightly. His hand would always steady me. He was just out on the streets too, a face in crowds that wasn't actually there, his tall frame slightly above the rest and broad shoulders moving as he walked. He always walked with purpose, the CEO who was late to a meeting. Of course he wasn't a CEO yet. I had no doubt the old man would be soon though.

He was even in my own fucking apartment. That was my space, for me alone and it was still tainted by remnants of him. Things he hadn't bothered to pick up. Stupid things that made my heart ache in a way I didn't think was possible. Like his spare toothbrush. It was still in the holder, next to mine. And his CDs in the living room. Fucking Fleetwood Mac of all things. I still had a few of his shirts, that I had slept in countless times.

My own bed wasn't even my own now. It reminded me of him too much to be just mine. The nights we had spent there were enjoyable to say the least. But it wasn't just the mindless fucks that were imprinted on to the mattress, there were nights he just held me. Me, of all people. Whispered conversations that drifted into early mornings, things that made me so stupidly vulnerable were captured in this room. And even though a month had past, when the light of the morning shone the right way through my bedroom window, through sleep blurred eyes I swore I could see Erwin next to me, wrapped up in my sheets, watching me wake. I started sleeping with the curtains closed.

 

I awoke that morning with no sunlight, and an insistent beeping from my phone on the bedside table. Groaning, I grabbed it and shuffled downwards into the sheets again. "I swear to fucking God, Hanji. You better have a good reason for calling me this early." I mumbled sleepily into my cell, letting my eyes close again. Damn, I needed coffee.

"It's always a pleasure to talk to you so early, Levi." Holy shit she sounded chipper. I slightly envied her energetic ways, but it was exhausting to be around, let alone obtain. "You're coming to the museum today." I could hear her grin through the phone.

"I am, am I?" I sighed, sitting up. The sheets fell around my lap, revealing my naked torso. Not that anyone would be around to see it. "You can forget that, shitty glasses. It's my day off, I'm not spending it hearing you talk science at me."  
  
"But Levi, I haven't seen you in ages." She whined, the 'ages' hanging on her tongue. I rolled my eyes. "You need to get out." She added.  
  
"I get out plenty, thank you." I muttered, getting up and treading to the kitchen of my apartment, threading my hand through my bed head. The coffee machine sat calling on the counter.  
  
"The bookstore doesn't count." Hanji countered. "Forget work, where have you been within the last two weeks that wasn't your dentist or grocery shopping?"  
My hands faltered at the machine. I hadn't been anywhere really. Not socially at least. Not for my own pleasure either. I'd never been a social person, with the exception of Hanji, a few of our other friends and him. It wasn't like the others hadn't tried to get me to go out. I just hadn't wanted to. I was too busy being a fucking loser and moping in my apartment, watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, drinking most nights, and doing a ridiculous amount of cleaning. No matter how hard I scrubbed though, I could swear his scent still lingered, and hit me when I least expected it.  
  
"Hanji, I am perfectly fine with not going out." I said, the monotone reserved for talking to people I wasn't as close to as Hanji already seeping into my voice. "You forget, there's people out there. And it's fucking dirty." I could hear her sigh on the other side of the phone.  
  
"Well it doesn't matter, you're coming to the museum either way. I don't have much work to attend to today, and we can grab lunch in the cafe or something." Hanji had set her mind. That meant, unfortunately for me, there was no going back. Great. "I miss you, Levi." She said slightly softer.  
  
This time I sighed. "I miss you too, shit head." In all honesty, I did miss her. But I missed him more, and was reminded of it every time I ventured outside. And it made me feel like a fucking fool. When had I started feeling things like that? I used to be so cut off. Now I knew why. Because when I wasn't, I got hurt like this. Well, I wasn't gonna let that happen again.  
  
"It wasn't your fault, y'know?" Hanji commented after a moment of silence. I already knew too quickly what she was talking about. "He left because of him, it had nothing to do with you -"  
  
"Hanji." The tone of my voice was a warning. She didn't continue. "If I come today, d'you promise not to mention it? Or him. Or any of it really." I actually managed to regain my thought path enough to press the button on the coffee machine.  
  
"My lips are sealed, my good Levi." Another moment of silence, but still I could feel her grinning like a child on the other side of the line. "So you're coming?"  
  
"Fine, alright. Whatever, freak." I agreed, pouring my coffee with the phone pressed between my neck and shoulder.  
  
"Yay! Yes, Levi, you'll love the new exhibit they've put together, it's based mostly on Darwin's theory on evolution and yeah, it's meant for children but -" I zoned out then, as soon as I managed to get the coffee cup to my lips, scalding my tongue in the process.  
  
"Hanji stop, I said I'll go. If you keep talking I won't." I said the last part lower, knowing that she wouldn't care anyway. I'd promised now, and that meant she'd literally drag me from my apartment in my underwear if I didn't show.  
  
"Okay Levi, well be here for half past twelve, because I get lunch break around then. Bye, see you later!" She called into the receiver, too loud for my ears making me flinch.  
  
"Bye." But she'd already hung up. I put the phone down and leaned against the counter, sipping from the coffee cup wrapped between my fingers, it's warmth spreading through me.  
  
Who knew? Maybe going out would be good for me. "Yeah right." I scoffed out loud. Secretly, I thought Hanji knew what she was doing. I had never visited the museum with him, it was a place I saw Hanji at and nothing else. There wouldn't be much to remind me of him there. God, I was pathetic. A month since he'd left me and I was still here. I didn't hate him for leaving. I hated him for being able to still have this effect on me, without even being here.

  
  
***

The museum Hanji worked at was the largest in Sina. It didn't have a specific theme, it was just a museum, so large it catered to everyone's interests. Hanji worked in the natural science department, which was, in my opinion, one of the least interesting. I preferred the historical arts section. Honestly, I could get lost for hours there. Just wondering around the different remnants from past, distant days. Pots and tapestry, but also weaponry was found in that section. I thought the way some of the swords and bows were so intricately designed could definitely be classed as artwork.  
  
So maybe I had arrived an hour early. It was half eleven. The more I began to think about it, the better going to the museum sounded. Away from my apartment, and into somewhere that held familiarity without the aura of him. I showered quickly, and dressed even faster. I threw on black skinny jeans and a loose white vest top. Grabbed a grey cardigan, laced up my combat boots and put on my "hipster" glasses (according to Hanji. I didn't really care, I needed to go renew my contact subscription anyway) before heading out the door without bothering with a coat, despite it being February - the weather looked pleasant.  
  
It look a little while to walk to the museum, but I was kinda grateful for the fresh air. Not so grateful for the bountiful amount of strangers who apparently couldn't walk along pavement without walking into people. The city was busy and I avoided looking into the crowds, so I guess logically collisions were most likely my fault. But I didn't care, people moved away from me naturally - that was probably due to the very friendly air I had about myself, obviously - so why should today be any different?  
  
But I made it here regardless. And now I wandered the historical art section. It hadn't been updated since I'd last time I'd been here, but I still took my time to look at everything. Eventually I reached the Ancient Greek section. This part of the exhibit always captivated me. I didn't know much about Greek mythology, but the section here made me want to learn. The largest piece was a huge vase, tinted with age. It depicted beings of immense power and strength. Titans.  
  
A flash from behind me ripped my eyes away from the exhibit and face the interruption. There was a boy standing behind me. His face still looked relatively young, with a blush settled across his cheeks. His hair was a dark brown, and an absolute mess, flicking in his face at odd angles. And his eyes were probably the brightest shade of green that could be humanely possible naturally.  
  
The boy was dressed simply, blue jeans, black converse and a black and green striped jumper. His expression was mortified. It took me a second to figure out why. In his hands was a professional looking camera.  
  
There was silence for a moment. "...Did you just-" I began and the boy scrunched up his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry! I just saw the way you were looking at the exhibit, and you looked so entranced, and I wanted to capture it." He started blabbering, carrying on after I stopped listening.  
  
"Did you just take a picture of me?" I wanted the brat to clarify. Who did he think he was? Cutting me off like that?  
  
"I thought the flash was off..." He mumbled under his breath, pouting slightly. I scoffed. Was that supposed to make it better? "I'll delete it if you want?" The boy spoke up this time, anticipation in his eyes awaiting my response. He obviously didn't want to delete the photo.  
  
"You know what, brat?" I sighed, folding my arms. "Keep it, I don't actually care." I couldn't be bothered to deal with this guy right now. The look on his face changed instantly, a grin spreading across his features. His eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning. Jesus Christ, was this kid twelve or something? "Just ask people before you take pictures of them. It's fucking weird."  
  
"But then it's not natural." He countered, and I raised my eyebrow. There was a moment of silence where I didn't respond. He didn't seem to gather I was waiting for him to leave so I could go back to wandering around.  
  
"Well kid, it's been nice being creeped on but there's a lot of the exhibit left to see. See ya." I dead-panned before walking away, hands digging into my pockets.  
  
"Hey, wait up!" Inwardly, I groaned. What now? This kid needed to learn when to back off. "I'm Eren." He smiled, shuffling so he was in front of me, walking backwards across the exhibits smooth, marble floor, so he could stick out his hand. All I did was shoot him a look, a mixture of being incredulous and a silent warning. Slowly, he removed his hand, as if still giving me a chance to shake it, and ran it through his hair instead.  
  
He carried on walking backwards though, eyes on me. The grin was slowly leaving his face as he studied mine. The brat had seriously intense eyes, it would have been borderline freaky if they weren't slightly beautiful.  
  
And then he tripped. Backwards, over a bench in the middle of the exhibition floor. I tried my hardest not laugh and managed a slightly less embarrassing snort. I couldn't be the one embarrassed though, not when the brat was sprawled on the museum floor. It was a good thing no one was around or else he would have been thrown out. Well, would that have been such a bad thing?  
  
Either the way the fucking dork hadn't sat up yet. He was just kinda laying on the floor, probably wallowing in his own mortification. I don't know why I hadn't walked away yet, it would be the perfect opportunity to ditch the kid, but instead I hovered, peering at the kid on the ground. Eventually he sat up, rubbing the back of his head. "Ow." He groaned, and I rolled my eyes.  
  
I didn't say anything. He looked around and made a start at getting up. I took that as my cue to leave, turning on my heel and walking away. I made sure I was still in ear shot though before saying. "I'm Levi."  
  
"Levi ..." I heard him mutter under his breath, as if trying to remember it. It wasn't exactly hard to forget and I bet I'd made quite a first impression. "Levi." He said louder this time. "Wait!" He called out, and I could hear scrambling behind me.  
  
Gradually, I let my feet slow to a halt. I didn't turn around, but the kid could tell I was waiting for whatever he had to say or do. More scrambling and the kid skidded in front on me, stumbling slightly with his harsh stop. He held out his hand, except this time instead of expecting a hand shake, there was piece of paper in it.  
  
After a moment of just kinda staring at it, I asked. "What is it?" Letting all notes of curiosity seep out of my voice and had them replaced with the exasperation I was feeling.  
  
The brat let another bright grin contort his mouth. "It's my website. You can find your picture there later tonight." My tired, grey eyes moved from the paper to his face, and I visibly saw him stiffen. It was slightly amusing, truthfully. "I mean, assuming I have your permission. I just thought, because you let me have the photo it would be okay to use it on there, right? I mean what else would I do with it -"  
  
"I bet it's one of those shitty amateur photography tumblrs, right?" I said, folding my arms, the piece of paper still between his slender fingers. He looked offended. Good.  
  
"No!" The boy said, probably too loudly for a museum. "It's a legit website, my friend Armin helped with it." He stated proudly. Did he really just say the word 'legit' in actual conversation? "And I'm not an amateur either!" This boy was actually a child. A five year old in a college student's body. At least, I assumed he was in college.  
  
"Really, so you've had a real paying job?" I asked, leaning against the wall. The brat's expression fell slightly. It wasn't actually a nice sight. His eyes were too expressive and I could practically see the thoughts swirling in his head. Nice one, Levi.  
  
He was silent for a moment, and for a second I actually believed I managed to shut him up. "Does my high school prom count?" Ah, no luck. I sighed and started walking again, out of the exhibition. I had no doubt the kid was following though.  
  
"If I say yes, will you let me leave?" I deadpanned, turning my head to watch the boy, although I'd never admit it out loud, the grin once again plastered on his face was slightly endearing.  
  
"No." He smirked. "But I will if you take the website." He quipped, sticking out the tiny piece of paper between his thumb and index finger again. What a twat.  
  
"Fine." I huffed, roughly pulling the paper. The kid let go before it ripped in half. "Happy?" I asked, walking away, hopefully for the last time. That day at least.  
  
"Very!" He called out, standing still in his spot. "Bye Levi!"  
  
"Bye brat." I muttered, heading towards the exhibition exit. Oh sweet freedom.  
  
"It's Eren!" He called again, although with the emptiness of the exhibit, the middle of a weekday with no school trips and the good acoustics from the high ceilings provided I would have heard him speaking normally.  
  
"Brat." I signed off, using my left hand in an odd mixture of a wave and a salute. Either way it was a goodbye, and a pretty good one considering the circumstances of our meeting. The boy didn't reply that time. Eren, huh. I'd have to remember that.

 

***

I met Hanji at her office at half twelve, and was greeted with her usual, freakish excitement. "Levi!" She beamed, dark hair in a messy pony tail as usual, thick framed glasses propped on her nose, magnifying her chocolate coloured eyes in a way that became frightening when she got a certain look in them. Hanji stood up from her cluttered desk, covered in papers and empty coffee mugs, even food wrappers. It was disgusting.  
  
"Shitty glasses," I greeted. After crossing the small room, she gave me a one armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. Hanji was pretty much the only person I could stand physical contact with, and that was mostly because she didn't give me another choice. Well her, and him. I ignored the pang of pain in my chest. "Remind me to clean your desk."  
  
Hanji tutted, grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair. "It's my desk, Levi. I know exactly where everything is anyway. Now come on." She then literally started pushing me out of the door.  
  
"Get your dirty hands off me, freak." I shrugged her off, to which she just laughed. A death stare in her direction just meant an arm slung around my shoulder when with anyone else it would have meant a meter of space. At least. How the hell did I put up with her? "I'm serious, when did you last wash your fucking hands?"  
  
I felt her arm move on my shoulder as she shrugged. "After the last crap I took, I guess." I shuddered and she grinned to herself. I was the one who made the shit jokes, not glasses. Although, my sense of humor rubbing off on her wouldn't be much of a surprise after how long we've known each other. "Really though Levi, it's good to see you. I've barely seen you since what happened with E-"  
  
"We had a deal, fuck face." I cut her off before she said his name. "I swear to God, I will leave right now." I warned, twisting my head around in her surprisingly firm hold to show her with my expression that I was serious. She stopped walking and took both of my hands in her's. A sigh escaped my lips and I looked away.  
  
"You know you're gonna have to talk about it sometime." Fuck Hanji and her sudden reasoning. She could go from shit jokes to a coddling mother in a heartbeat. "I mean, not now, but eventually. Hell, not even to me, you just gotta talk about it. It's been a month since he left, and no offence, but you're obviously not coping well."  
  
Really Hanji? I'm pretty sure I'm doing fine. Y'know, if you don't count the fact I've scrubbed my bathroom about twenty times in total and feel like I literally have to hold myself together when I start thinking about him. "I'm leaving." I announced tugging my hands away and holding them in the air, beginning to turn to the exit. I wasn't entirely serious, but enough so that she got the message.  
  
"No, Levi!" She groaned, tugging on my cardigan. I let her pull me back in the direction of the cafeteria until we were just walking side by side in silence. Except not for long, because this is Hanji Zoe we're talking about. "I'm just worried about you."  
  
I stopped walking, just before we reached the cafeteria doors. She halted and looked at me inquisitively. Reaching more than I had expected to, because Hanji was taller than she looked (and it was really nothing to do with my stature, at all), I put my hands on her shoulders so she'd look me in the eye while I spoke. "I'm okay. Really." Silently, I congratulated myself on being such a great bullshitter. I waited, and eventually she gave an exasperated, not especially convinced nod. Maybe not such a great bullshitter after all.  
  
After removing my hands, we entered the cafeteria. It was quiet enough, a few workers, and what appeared to be some visitors. No sign of Eren though. Was I actually thinking about that kid? He was probably off taking creepy photos of another stranger.  
  
"Levi? Levi!" Hanji began waving her hand in front of my face and I felt myself snap back into reality. That was weird, I hardly ever zoned out. "I asked you what you were going to order." She held an empty tray in the other hand.  
  
I didn't even need to scan the hot food section to know I didn't want anything from there. It all looked gross and who knew how long it had been sitting there? I didn't want any of the sandwiches or salads, probably prepared by some underpaid teen who didn't know how to wash his hands properly. "Tch, nothing. I'll get coffee from the machine."  
  
"Suit yourself." Hanji shrugged, and began piling lunch onto her tray; I didn't pay attention to what. Finally she had her food, and I had my coffee, and we seated ourselves in the corner of the cafeteria.  
  
"So how's Mike?" I asked, stirring my coffee even though it didn't really need it. "Still sniffing things?" Hanji guffawed.

"Oh God, you make it sounds like my boyfriend's a crack addict or something." She smiled, probably at the thought of him. God, that was sickening. But because it was Hanji, I couldn't bring myself to actually be grossed out at the obvious affection she felt for him. Really, I was happy she'd found someone. Even if it meant I had to try harder to hide the dull ache in my chest. "He's fine. Been a bit weird recently though."  
  
"Please, you're hardly one to talk." I scoffed, actually taking a sip of the coffee. It wasn't half bad for crappy machine stuff. She aimed a soft kick at my shins under the table. "I'm sure it's not anything serious though. Mike's crazy about you." And you're just crazy, I thought to myself.  
  
Hanji looked up from her food. "We're having a dinner party next week." Oh how fucking domestic. "It's not really a dinner party as such, I mean we'll have dinner, and I'd like to think it'll be a party, but that sounds kinda formal, don't you think? You should come." Her heart shaped face displayed a kind expression. She actually could look quite sweet when she wasn't being mental. Which wasn't often. And surprisingly, not how I preferred her.  
  
"Maybe." One step at a time, Levi. When did I become such a teenage girl? I rested the coffee cup on the table. "Petra and the others will be there right?" Hanji nodded, taking a bite out of her sandwich.  
  
"Yeah, Mike's gonna make-" This time I kicked her under the table.  
  
"How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full, it's fucking gross." For some reason she just grinned some more.  
  
After swallowing her mouthful dramatically, and me wincing at the noise it made, she said. "See, that sounds more like my Levi." To which I rolled my eyes. "Say, what are you playing with?"   
  
Confused, I looked down at my hands, where she was pointing with her half eaten sandwich. Turns out I had been folding and unfolding a piece of paper without even knowing it. Eren's piece of paper. "It's nothing." I said, honestly.  
  
"Levi, did someone give you their phone number? Were they cute? Are you gonna call them? Do they work at the museum? Do I know them?" She leaned forward's in her seat, as if this was the most exciting thing she'd heard all week.  
  
"It's just a website, calm the hell down, glasses." I moved my hands underneath the table, keeping the paper from her view. She pouted.  
  
"Y'know, Levi, you wear glasses too. I don't get why you even call me that." Damn her logic. Usually I didn't wear my glasses, but I had to today. "I'm just excited you might be seeing someone new."  
  
"Oh shut up, it's a website like I said. I'm not even close to wanting to date again." If I ever did want to date again. "I swear, you want me to get laid more than I do."  
  
"Damn straight I do, I'm your best friend, that's what I'm here for. Just, make sure to check out that 'website', okay?" She made quotations marks in the air. I had no intention to, at all, but nodded anyway. "So have you heard about the new Marvel film coming out?"

The rest of lunch with Hanji was normal. But I found myself fiddling with the brat's paper, taking it out even after every time I stuffed it back into my jean pockets.


	2. Coffee and More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the first chapter went pretty well, so I was really excited about posting this. 
> 
> As I said before, my tumblr is sorrows-stark, and I track the tag fic: empty handed on tumblr too, so you can follow updates or ask any questions there.
> 
> Your kudos, subcribing and comments mean a lot to me, so thank you so much for that. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and if there are any mistakes be sure to tell me so I can fix them. Until next Saturday ^-^ - Kat 
> 
> (Also, ignore shitty chapter titles)

It was raining by the time I left the museum. Not even a light drizzle, it was pouring, huge droplets of rain slamming down on to the pavement. Each drop pelting against my skin actually hurt, and I regretted not bringing an real coat instead of this flimsy cardigan. I spent the walk home with my head down, taking brisk strides and barging past anyone in the way. It wasn't actually my fault I couldn't see this time, I needed fucking windscreen wipers for my glasses or something.

Needless to say I was drenched when I got up to my apartment, feet squelching with every step I took because of all the puddles on the sidewalk. It was gross. Shivering had set in by the time I was unlocking the front door. I was gonna get a God damn cold, I could tell. I didn't bother taking off my shoes as usual, I just went straight to my bathroom.

Thankfully, my clothes weren't that dirty, just wet. Mud wouldn't look that good on my immaculately clean bathroom floor. I turned the shower on and stripped off the rain soaked clothes. Note, skinny jeans are even more difficult to remove when wet. I practically had to peel them off of my legs. Eventually, I actually was naked and the warmth of the shower welcomed me kindly.

Steam filled the bathroom, clouding over the mirror and window. Hot water washed over my skin, and muscles I didn't even know were knotted began to untense. I let my back rest against the tiles on the wall and sighed.

Hanji didn't know what she was talking about it. I didn't have to talk to anyone about Erwin. He was in the past now, and part of me knew that. The other part just had to catch up to the fact it was over, realise it once and for all. And until then, I could desperately try to ignore the dull ache in my chest I felt whenever the blonde bastard appeared in my mind.

After a while, I don't know how long but probably longer the average shower, I shut off the water. A towel was wrapped around my waist, and I draped one over my head, rubbing water droplets from my hair, fingers brushing the undercut on my neck as I walked down the hallway to my bedroom.

I dropped the towels and began rummaging through my wardrobe for something to wear. It was around four o'clock. Seeing as I wasn't going out again today, and all that was left to do was to watch some lame late night television, eat dinner alone and maybe finish my book, it didn't really matter what I put on. The wardrobe was perfectly organised, so it didn't take long to pick out a pair of worn out jogging bottoms and pull them on. The cotton had been softened from the amount of washes it'd been through.

In need of even more comfort, I began looking for a old oversized, navy blue, woolly jumper I hadn't worn in a while, but it didn't seem to be hanging up. I began looking in the draws to the left hand side. "Where the fuck is it?" I muttered to myself, digging further into the wardrobe. I opened the bottom draw. And then remember why I had been keeping it shut.

It was such a simple object, a plain white shirt folded neatly in the centre of the drawer. Before I could help myself I was on my knees and lifting the linen shirt from its place. It was soft beneath my fingers, and soon enough I was pressing it to my face. The scent of his fabric softener and that hint of vanilla from his cologne enveloped me so quickly and deeply it was like he was in the room, and soon enough strong arms would be wrapped around my waist, lifting me from this position on my bedroom floor.

But Erwin wasn't here. I was alone, in my empty apartment. It was strange, because Erwin was gone and I missed him so much, that in that moment breathing became a chore and I wondered if it would be possible just to stop. But at the same time it was like he'd never left. Enough pieces of him were scattered around the apartment to trick my mind into believing he might be still around. That was just like rubbing salt in the wound.

Honestly, I hated the old man for doing this to me. Not for leaving, hell, that I could understand. I hated him because I never used to feel the way I did now. Emotions were locked away in a separate part of me and somehow the bastard had managed to blur the lines between what I was feeling and what I allowed myself to feel. Apparently now I had no choice in the matter.

Still, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't blame him for leaving. I'm a fucked up guy, no hiding that. Not that great at talking about my feelings, or upholding conversations. A bad childhood mixed with multiple difficult habits didn't equal the perfect boyfriend. Although he never seemed to mind the smoking, or the cleaning, or the foul language used at wildly inappropriate times. What I'm getting at is, I would have left me long before he did if I were in his place. But he had taken his time. In fact, it was past the stage I had stopped thinking about him not wanting me when he decided he didn't any more. By then my guards had been down long enough for the kick to the gut to send me reeling.

And then the shirt had left my hand and was flying to the other side of the room, sinking down behind the side of my bed. I stood up kicking the wardrobe doors shut, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes and willing the tears of frustration to not leave where they had welled.

Because I was frustrated. I was furious. I was angry that he had hurt me, I was angry that he didn't care anymore, I was angry that he didn't seem hurt at all, I was angry that I had let him hurt me. Ultimately it was my fault. I had let him in and he'd destroyed me from the inside.

A few deep breaths later, and I decided enough was enough. I grabbed a different sweater, and tugged it over my head. A distraction was what I needed. Something just to get my mind off of things. Dinner might be a good idea.

At least it would have been if my eyes hadn't caught sight of the pile of still wet clothes in my bathroom while walking towards the kitchen. I couldn't just leave them there. So I scooped them into my arms, planning to dump them in the laundry basket when I felt something in the jeans pocket. I pulled out a rain soaked piece of paper. The ink had been spread out slightly, but the words were still clear.

_theworldoutsidethesewalls.com_

The brat's website. A look couldn't hurt. He had been pretty desperate for me to take it, and it was a distraction. I pocketed the paper, dumped the clothes and headed to the kitchen, grabbing my laptop from its place on the coffee table as I went.

Petra had given me some lasagne to freeze as she'd been concerned I wasn't eating right. She worried too much, but right now I was grateful as it meant I didn't have to cook. I booted up my laptop, setting on the counter before cutting a slice of the pasta dish and placing it in the microwave.

I typed in the website as soon as the internet had loaded, and was surprised I remembered the words without having to fish out the note. They did stand out though. The world outside these walls? Was that supposed to be poetic or something?

In all honesty, the site was a lot better than I gave him credit for. There were mainly photographs, of different things, ranging from cityscapes of Sina, to still life shots. Not that many of random people, I noted. So the boy wasn't as much as a creep as he seemed.

But there was also sketches, pretty impressive ones too. One was purely labelled Mikasa, and was a sketch of a pensive looking girl with rough cut black hair and piercing eyes looking into the distance. Others had a lot more said about them, like a scene from his apartment window. It over looked a park and he explained in full detail why he liked the way the light was at this particular time of evening.

Eventually, I clicked off the main bulk of the blog on to an about page, because curiosity was getting the better of me. I was met with a description.

_My name is Eren Jaeger, I'm currently 21 years old and in my final year of Sina University where I study multiple art courses, including photography. I hope to take up photography as a career as well as a hobby, because it's something I'm truly passionate about. If you're interested hiring a photographer for any occasion, such as weddings, proms, family photos or anything else, my email and phone number is linked below. Otherwise, feel free to browse and hopefully enjoy my page. Remember to source me if reusing images, and comment if planning to do so._

_eren.jaeger@shingashina.com_

For some reason, that didn't seem like him. I couldn't picture the brat talking like that, it seemed too ... forced? In all honesty, I had met the guy for less than fifteen minutes that day I wasn't in a position to say if something was an accurate representation of him or not. I couldn't help but wonder if the same friend who had helped him make the website had played some sort of role in writing that as well.

I exited the about page to the main one, and was just about to leave it when I saw it had been updated. My picture was the newest post. The picture was ridiculously simple, and I cursed my stature while looking at it. Large white museum walls far taller than me, made me look tiny. I stood with my hands in my pockets looking up at the exhibit.

Next to the picture was obviously the same shot, but closer so you could see my expression. For once, I didn't look bored out of my mind. My lips were parted slightly and behind my glasses you could see my grey eyes wider than usual. I did look kinda entranced, to use the word Eren had. All together, I liked the photos. The spacing was great, as if the photo had been cut into three slides, being wall, me, exhibit. It looked good.

Not taking too much time to think about it, I clicked the comment as a guest button.

_Not bad, brat._

I posted it before shutting my laptop and heading to the microwave that had been beeping for too long.

 

***

 

I must have looked like such an idiot. Standing in the middle of the street, outside this coffee shop that I had been in plenty of times already. But for some reason, I couldn't get my feet to move. After last night, I couldn't deal with being reminded of him, and this place did just that.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had turned away and was walking down the street in the opposite direction. There was another coffee shop a few blocks away, and I was going to eat there today. Hell, maybe that would just be my new place to have lunch.

It didn't really matter how long I spent at lunch. The man who owned the book store was well into his eighties now, and probably wouldn't even notice if I didn't come back at all. I didn't actually have to really, I was quite well off already. The truth was I did enjoy working there.

My feet slowed to a standstill outside a newish looking coffee shop, labelled Coffee and More. Original. Inside there were cream walls and leather arm chairs - an empty table at the back with my name on it too. So I pushed open the door.

It was relatively empty, but I didn't take time to notice the other people around, I just walked up to queue and started waiting. By the time I reached the front I had decided on black coffee, as per usual and a sandwich of some kind, I didn't care which.

The girl working at the counter was petite and had mid-length blonde hair. Her smile seemed genuinely sincere, instead of the usual forced ones employees wear day in and day out. "You can take a seat and we'll bring your order over." A soft voice to match. I nodded and walked to the table I spotted on entering.

I hadn't even been sat down for five minutes, staring at the wall opposite me with thoughts else where, when someone appeared next to me. At first I thought my order had arrived, but then I heard. "Hey Levi."

The grin could practically be heard in his voice, and sure enough it was plastered on his face when I looked up. Eren Jaeger was standing beside my table in jeans and a light blue t-shirt, a black coat slung over his arm.

"The photo was creepy, this is just stalking." I greeted with my monotone voice. I turned back to face the wall. Yes, I was being rude, and I was aware of it. I wanted lunch in peace, was that too much to ask?

"I'm not stalking you." Eren defended himself, and I rolled my eyes. Seconds ticked by without him moving. I let my eyes flick towards him. From behind I could see the blonde waitress approaching, thankfully with my coffee and food. She was tiny, probably even shorter than me. Once she got to the table she placed down my order and grinned.

The girl nudged Eren in the ribs, and he ruffled her hair which was in soft curls just below her shoulders. Eren's grin could only be described as charming as he looked down at the seemingly younger girl. "Hey Krista." He said, and she returned the smile.

"Hey Eren, who's the friend?" The waitress, Krista apparently, nudged her head towards me. Why was everyone so damn smiley. And sociable.

"That's - " Eren began but instead I glared at him and he stopped.

"Levi." I answered instead, reaching for the coffee that I desperately needed right now. The girl waved, she seemed more cautious than before. That was most likely my doing.

"Well, nice to meet you Levi. Maybe we'll see you in here more often." She smiled sweetly again, before patting Eren's shoulder and walking back towards the counter. I turned my eyes back to the wall opposite me.

"So ... can I sit?" Eren asked, eagerly.

"No." I replied without hesitating, and I didn't need to look at him to see him falter. And then I did look at him. Disappointment wasn't a strong enough word to describe what I saw in the kid's eyes, which were pointed to the floor, his mouth a gape slightly. He was the epitome of puppy dog eyes and it was fucking disgusting.

"Oh ... okay, I'll just go then." Eren pushed his hand through his hair and turned to walk away. Oh, for fuck's sake. With a sigh, I pushed the chair opposite me out from the table, its legs scraping across the floor with an awful screech.

Eren's head snapped towards the noise and I jerked my head towards the chair. Why did I even stop him from leaving? Why was I inviting him to sit with me? I could have just eaten lunch in peace but now the hopeful glint in his eye told me that horse had been shot in the face. And I had fired the fucking rifle. "Really?"

"Just do it quickly, or I'll change my mind, brat." I threatened, taking a sip of my coffee. The kid was literally beaming, I'd never known anyone to have such a bright smile that still managed to look mischievous at the same time. Maybe Hanji, but she just looked slightly demented. Eren's smile, while shit-eating, was still, well, attractive. Just honestly, really attractive.

So he sat, opposite me. I swear, his butt hadn't even settled in the chair before saying "That's weird." The sigh I exhaled was practically inaudible, but I doubt it would have bothered Eren anyway.

"What's weird?" I relented, after setting my coffee cup down on my napkin. Eren was sat forwards in his chair, his elbows propped up on the table, chin resting on the palms of his hands. Nobody I'd just met ever looked this comfortable around me.

"The way you hold your coffee cup." Oh, that. People commented on that all the time. It honestly wasn't strange to me, just to ignore the handle and lift it up by holding it from the outside. "I don't get how you don't spill it."

"I don't spill it, because I'm not a fucking loser and can hold a damn coffee cup." I rolled my eyes. Eren scowled slightly, removing his arms from the table and sitting up straighter.

"I'm not a loser," He said, pushing his hand through his hair again. Maybe it was a habit. His was truly unkempt, but for some reason it suited him. The idea of seeing Eren with hair lying flat on his head was strange, and although I liked ('like' being a loose fitting word) neatness, that didn't apply to Eren's hair. It looked soft, and for a moment I began to wonder what it would be like to run my hand through it instead of Eren's. I quickly ditched that.

"I never said you were," I shrugged. "But you seemed awfully quick to defend yourself there, brat. Maybe some part of you knows you're a loser." Smirking, I reached for the coffee cup and took another sip.

"I'm not a -" He was about to repeat himself when he stopped. And then the smile that had disappeared returned to his face. Annoying as this kid seemed, it wasn't fair. It was strange that this guy was a photographer, when capturing a photo of his current expression, endearing grin and gleaming green eyes, could easily have been something model worthy. "You saw the photo."

"I what?" I was confused for a split second. And then I remembered last night on his website. Still, I had a feeling toying with this guy would be entertaining, so I didn't bother to let on.

"The photo on my website." He clarified enthusiastically. "You commented, didn't you? 'Not bad, brat.' I thought it was you when I saw it, but I forgot to mention it until you called me that just then." Eren leaned back in seat now, and folded his hands in his lap. This guy was a fidget.

"Nope. Wasn't me. Sorry." I deadpanned quickly, crossing one leg over the other. My dark blue jeans were rather skinny, as usual, so this was a slightly harder task than I anticipated. Although I don't think Eren saw my hesitation. Before he replied, I pulled down the sleeves of the woolly jumper I was wearing so they covered my hands leaving only my knuckles visible.

"Sure it wasn't." Eren scoffed, rolling his eyes. So the kid did have some kind of bite, he wasn't just puppy dog eyes and excitement. "'Not bad, brat.'" He repeated again, smirking as he did so. "Y'know, coming from you, that's like calling me amazing."

Well, he was right about that. I didn't give out compliments lightly and only when they were deserved. And his photography did deserve it. Not that I was going to let him know that. "It was okay." I said, taking another sip. Once I had finished, I let my fingers wrap around the cup, the warmth of the coffee spreading through them. I have bad circulation, okay?

"Okay is good enough for me." He shrugged smiling still. "Well, no it's not. But coming from you it is. Okay from you means I must be doing pretty well."

"Why do you say that as if you know me? This only the second time you've stalked - I mean, met me." I couldn't help the smirk that was slowly appearing on my face.

"I don't stalk you." He reiterated. "How do I know you're not stalking me?" He countered, looking as if he had gotten the one up.

"Because do I really look like the kinda of person with nothing better to do than follow some angsty teen around all day?" I drawled, going back to the coffee cup, this time draining it entirely of its contents.

"I'm not angsty. Or a teen." Eren scowled once more, but his face didn't manage to look actually angry, which was pretty cute in itself. "I'm twenty-one."

"I know, I read your blog." I sighed exasperated, leaning forwards, resting my head on my hand propped up by my elbow on the table.

"I knew it." Eren smiled. He put both of his hands on the table. "So you know a lot more about me than I do about you. That's hardly fair." He whined.

"What exactly do I know about you?" I asked, letting apathy flood my voice. In reality, the conversation wasn't actually that boring. Borderline interesting, even. Eren had a slightly childish air about him, but not too much that his levels of immaturity meant we couldn't hold onto this conversation.

"You know I'm twenty-one. You know I go to Sina. You know I study art. You know I want to be a professional photographer. I know your name is Levi." Damn. I shouldn't have let him know I read his blog. He paused, and after I didn't respond, he clarified "That's it."

There was another lapse in our conversation where I didn't respond. I was surprised he didn't try to fill it somehow. He was looking at me, with bright, expectant eyes that I met with my own narrowed ones. Eventually I gave in, and looked away. "What d'you want to know?"

He replied without hesitating, as if his chance to ask might be taken away at any moment. Which it might. Maybe this kid knew me better than I thought. "How old are you?"

Ah. I hated this question. I was more than aware my height made me look like a fucking twelve year old. My face looked older, mostly due to the looks of disinterest I had spent most of my life perfecting, but it still didn't reveal my true age. I still got asked for ID every time I bought a pack of cigarettes.

"Twenty-six."

"..."

"..." I looked at the brat and raised an eye brow. This was the first time since I met Eren had I ever seen him silent.

"...You do not look twenty-six." He said it like it was a question, voice going higher at the end slightly, but we both knew it was a statement. There was uncertainty in his voice, like he wasn't sure if I was just kidding or not.

"Gee, I've never heard that before kid, thanks for the fucking eye opener." I glared at him, and I swore for a fucking second he was gonna start laughing. I could have easily mauled him if he did.

"Well, at least I know why you call me kid now." He smirked this time, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly, as if he knew finding this amusing would get him in trouble. He was right.

Fuck, I felt old.

"That's it, I'm leaving." I stood up, disregarding the sandwich I hadn't even touched and my empty coffee cup. A felt a tug on my sleeve. "Wait, Levi." Eren's eyes were pleading. "If I promise not to mention the age thing will you stay for a little longer?" My eyes narrowed. What was the brat even playing at? "Okay, what if I get you another coffee?"

Second time meeting this kid and he already knew my weaknesses. I stayed silent a moment longer. "Fine."

"Sweet, I'll be right back." Eren said pushing himself up from his seat and bouncing towards the counter.

Forget the brat, what was I playing at?

 

***

 

 

"Yeah, it's challenging but I love the course too much to even think about dropping it." Eren shrugged, leaning forwards so his hair flicked in his face.

We'd been talking for about half an hour more now and it wasn't actually as boring as I had imagined it would be. Although, the conversation was slightly one sided, but I found myself not minding Eren's talking. I joined in when appropriate, made some slightly snarky comments, and questioned some of the absurd things he'd said.

"Shit," I mumbled, as my phone on the table lit up. I ignored the message from Hanji, which was most likely a picture of a "funny" part of an exhibition. Instead, the time seemed more like a place to worry. "I gotta get back to work." I sighed, beginning to stand up.

"Where d'you work?" Eren asked, actually standing too.

"Just this bookstore. The owner's a walking fossil, I'd be surprised if he's even noticed I'm gone. But I still have work to do there." I began walking out of the coffee shop and knew Eren was following me.

I saw him throw a wave to Krista, who returned it kindly, before turning back and talking to a taller girl, with tan skin dotted with freckles and dark hair tied back. "That sounds pretty cool actually." He commented, bringing my thoughts back to our conversation.

I pushed open the door onto the street, not bothering to hold it open for him. I didn't actually need to seeing as his hand reached out above me to stop it from closing. Damn these tall people.

"So , Levi," I grunted in response, the air outside being much colder than I remembered. "D'you think I could get your number? So we could do this again or something?"

"No." I answered, coldly. I knew it was mean, and vaguely unfair to Eren. He seemed like a nice guy, but then all the more reason for him not to hang out with me.

A flash of hurt appeared behind his emerald eyes. I expected him to complain, but to my surprise he didn't. "Okay ... that's fair." He stuffed his hands into his jean pockets, and snuffed the toe of his converse into the ground. "Well, I'll see you around then. Bye Levi." He began to walk away.

"Bye brat." I muttered, turning in the other direction.


	3. Events at HQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome, you know that right? Your comments and kudos really encourage me to write so much more. 
> 
> As per usual, my tumblr is sorrows-stark so be sure to check that out for updates and stuff. I also track the tag fic: empty handed, so there's that too.
> 
> I'm posting this early today, because I won't be able to later tonight. I hope you enjoy it, and comments are hugely welcome. Be sure to point out any mistakes so I can fix those. Until Saturday - Kat

A week or so passed and I didn't go back to the coffee shop. I didn't go back to my old coffee shop either. Instead, I just brought in a flask - of coffee although something stronger wouldn't have gone a miss. The week passed in a blur of texts from Hanji and calls from Petra and nights falling asleep on my couch.

Now my feet ached as I climbed the last flight of stairs to my apartment. Usually I took the creaky, and worrisomely old elevator, but the piece of shit was out of order today and probably wouldn't be back in for a while.

The sound of my phone buzzing from my coat pocket (that I had actually started wearing since being caught in the rain) made my footsteps stop for a second as I fished it out. Hanji's name was flashing on the screen, along with a picture of her she had taken when she stole my phone. It was unflattering to say the least.

Sighing, I pressed the 'accept' button and raised it to my ear. "Freak." I greeted, beginning to climb the stairs again. I was careful not to put my hand on the banisters, who knew what had touched that? I wasn't risking anything.

"Levi," Hanji replied, sounded a lot more joyful than I had. It had just gone four o'clock, which meant she'd still be at the museum.

"Don't you have actual work to do?" I found myself rolling my eyes, even though she couldn't see them. "Or are you actually getting paid to piss me off now?"

She snorted on the other end of the line."Levi, if I was getting paid to annoy you, I'd be about to make a fortune." My eyes narrowed.

"Why?" I asked, hesitantly. This was Hanji, it could be ranging anywhere from 'I need you to help me move my lawn furniture' to 'I need you to help me move a dead body'. So naturally I was cautious. "What have you done?"

"Oh, I haven't done anything." She said dramatically. "It's what we're going to do." That was too ominous for my liking.

"Just spit it out, glasses, I don't have all day." Finally, I had reached my apartment on the eighth floor. Carefully, I began to dig for my keys, phone still pressed to my ear.

"Levi, I keep telling you this; you wear glasses too!" Hanji sounded exasperated, which was a change from me usually bearing that tone. "Anyway, we're going out tonight."

The hunt for my keys was put on hold. "Out?" I repeated.

"Out." She confirmed. "I know you don't want to. But you don't really have a choice."

"Oh, don't I?" I questioned. This was practically unnerving. "Why's that?" I leant against my front door, waiting for her to explain.

"Because it's not just me. Mike, Petra, Oluo and Gunther are all going." That still didn't mean that much to me. "So that's more people to physically drag you from your apartment."I huffed a laugh. She was crazy if she thought that would actually work. "Besides, have you ever tried saying no to Petra?"

Maybe she had me there. Petra was one of the kindest people I knew, but she also had this stern 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' face down, which made me think she'd be a great mother some day. Hell, it made me feel guilty when I hadn't even done anything. Her kids to be were doomed.

"Hanji, I really don't feel like it." It was true. I was tired, my body ached for no reason. All I wanted wall so curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine and finally finish my book. Apparently, she had other plans.

Groaning could be heard from her side of the call. "But Levi!" She whined. "You don't even know what we're doing yet!"

"We're probably gonna do what we do every night we go out. Go to that bar down on Petra's street, you guys will talk and play pool and I'll drink until I don't have to listen to what you're saying." I sighed, beginning to look for my keys again.

"Nope!" She exclaimed smugly. I snagged them out of my inner coat pocket and let myself into my apartment.

"No?" I played into her hands. I still had no intention of going out tonight, but if I listened to her, the faster she'd leave me alone. Most likely.

"No." She repeated. "We're going to that new club.that opened up in town. Y'know, the HQ or whatever it's called. You know it, right?"

I did know it, but I had never been to it. And I wasn't planning to either. "Hanji, that's a place for young people." I said, pressing the phone between my shoulder and head as I took of my shoes, placing them neatly by the door.

"We're young!" Hanji sounded offended. I smirked.

"Hanji, you're twenty-seven." It didn't matter though. Hanji never acted her age anyway, she'd fit in there and I knew that. I however, probably wouldn't.

"Exactly, I'm young!" She said, firmly. "Besides, Petra was there with her friends from work last week, a hen night or something. She said it was great and that it's not just college kids there."

There was no getting through to her some days. "That's fucking great and everything, Hanji, but I still don't want to go."

"Please Levi." She groaned. "Think about it, you could even find someone to go home with!" If she had been in the room, she would have been wiggling her eye brows at me, I could tell.

That idea was the worse one I'd heard all day. Getting laid was the last thing on my mind at this current moment in time. The thought of being with someone else sent shivers up my spine - and not in a good way. Still, I was pretty sure there was no way to back out of this.

"Fucking fine then." I relented. "But this is not for you, okay freak?" It was for her. Of course it was for her. What was the point in having friends if they just made you do stuff you didn't want to?

"Yay!" I had no doubt in my mind she was bouncing around in her office chair right now. "You're going to have such a good time, Levi, I know it!"

"Yeah, we'll see about that. I gotta go, bye Hanji." And then I hung up.

 

***

 

She lied. I was most definitely not having a good time.

The club itself wasn't so bad. If she was right about one thing, it was that there wasn't just rowdy college kids here, there were more people our age too. Not that it mattered.

HQ was probably the best club in Sina, if you actually enjoyed clubbing. Which I did not. The design was simple, as you entered there was the coat room and a reception sort of area, a place to go if there were any problems. Then it split off two ways, a DJ and dance floor area, and then some seating opposite. The only problem was that the bar was the other side of the dance floor, so you had to cross it every time you wanted a drink.

The walls were a rustic factory brick, that went nicely with the kind of simplicity of the place. There was an upstairs too, more seating around a balcony over looking over the dance floor I thought, but I hadn't actually been up there.

Currently, the five of us were seated around a round table with couch seating we had managed to snag, except for Gunther who was getting us drinks while trying to flirt with a girl by the bar. Even from here I could see she didn't seem interested.

"So Levi," I was pulled away from my thoughts by Petra's voice. She was nearly shouting in attempts to be heard over the music. "How's the book store?" She asked.

"No!" Hanji cried, slamming her hands on the table, before I could answer. "We did not come here to talk about work. Anything - but not work!" I sighed, rolling my eyes, wondering if it was possible to sink so low in my seat that I'd actually disappear. And wake up at home.

Hanji didn't say anything after that, and a glance told me she had been hushed by Mike, who was currently playing with the hair from her pony tail. She looked content and leaned towards him slightly. Eventually, his fingers stopped threading through it, and she reached up to link them with her own. I saw Hanji as this loud mouthed freak so often, I sometimes forgot she could actually be quite normal.

She looked quite normal right now, being disgustingly sweet with her boyfriend. Seeing her like this was foreign to me, but looked so easy to them. I guess I didn't actually see the two of them together that much. But the sight of them was beginning to make me feel physically ill.

So I turned away, only to come face first with Petra and Oluo's intimate moment. In all honesty, I didn't really enjoy Oluo's company. And by that I meant he was a fucking tool. But he made Petra happy, so having him around wasn't too much of a chore.

They were sat opposite me with his hands wrapped around her waist. He kept pulling her closer, looking like he was trying to kiss her neck. She squirmed away but the large smile printed on her face told me she wasn't actually bothered by it.

The ache in my chest was beginning to rise again. I was just surrounded by fucking couples, everywhere. Suddenly, I didn't feel like being there any more. Not like I had in the first place.

"Here we go," Gunther said, placing the tray of drinks on the table. But I was already moving out of my seat and away from the table.

"Levi!" I heard Hanji shout from our seats. "Where are you going?"

I waved my hand in their direction. "For a smoke." I raised my voice to be heard over the music. I didn't know if they heard for sure, but I kept on moving. This area wasn't too crowded, but I had to elbow my way through the dance floor to get to the smokers area outside. Sweaty dancers kept pushing in front of me. It was absolutely disgusting.

 

***

  
It turns out the smokers area wasn't much of a smokers area so much as a back alley on the other side of the club. The walls were brick walls had a slight bit of moss growing on them and the smell of damp was seriously unpleasant. Still, I would have rather been out here than back it there thinking about ramming my head into the table.

Only a few other people were stood out here, and it was very quiet. There was a couple towards the back of the alley, looking rather keen on getting into each other's pants. A few guys stood towards the back, one tall guy with broad shoulders in particular leaned against a wall, cigarette in one hand and the other one jammed into his jean pockets. His dark hair flicked into his face so I couldn't tell where he was looking.

The last person stood quite near to the entrance back into the club. He was quite short, taller than me but still. The guy was petite in build and had seemingly long blonde hair tied back in a short pony tail. He wore a blue long sleeved t-shirt, a black waist coat and jeans with dress shoes. A phone was held against his ear.

"I know, Marco." His voice was slightly higher than I expected, but the tone was still smooth. "The only reason we're here is to get him to stop moping ... Yeah, Jean's getting annoyed, you can tell. That's why we're waiting for you to get here."

I chose a piece of wall well away from the others and lit up. Taking a long drag on the cigarette, I could still hear the kid talking. "Honestly Marco, Mikasa's gonna flip soon. I swear." Poor kid sounded tired.

From the corner of my eye I could see the one of the guys from the corner shift position. I turned my head and the dark hair was now out of his eyes and I could see his eyes focused on one thing. The boy on the phone.

It was nothing alarming at first, seeing I had just been watching him too, however more discretely. Until eventually I could see a smirk spread throughout his features. I had seen that type of smile before, multiple times directed at me. It was the realisation of wanting something. A new challenge.

"Ha, I'm outside. The others are dancing, I think. Eren's probably drinking." The name made my eyes flicker back towards the kid. It was a coincidence, I was sure. But he did look about the same age. "Okay, so leave now? Good, I'll see you in a bit Marco." He hung up and shoved the phone into his pocket.

He didn't go inside straight away. The blonde leaned against the wall on the other side of the alley and sighed. I put the cigarette to my lips.

And then the man in the corner had moved. He looked younger than I was, but older than the kid when he stepped under one of the lights in the alley. It took me a moment to realise I probably wasn't very visible in the shadowy section I was stood under.

"Hey," The older man's voice was gruff as he approached the younger.

"Hi?" The kid replied warily. It was surprising really. This kid looked innocent, but as soon at the man approached he demeanour change, and there was some sort of defensive aura around him. To put it simply, he looked like he wouldn't take any crap.

"What's your name?" The man slurred slightly. I wasn't sure why it hadn't clicked before that he was intoxicated.

"Armin." The answer was short, but polite. The boy's blue eyes were narrowed, his gaze calculating.

"I'm Steven," He jabbed a lazy thumb towards his chest. His arm pressed against the wall held him upright, and dangerously close to Armin. "So, d'you come here with anyone?"

Armin nodded, folding his arms against his chest. "Yeah, my friends are just inside." He tried a smile, and it almost looked sympathetic. What was he doing? This was just going to spur him on. You couldn't be nice in situations like this, it didn't work, I knew that. Not that I'd ever tried to be nice in the first place.

"That's not what I meant." He smirked suggestively, taking a subtle step towards Armin. Not subtle enough apparently because Armin matched his footsteps like a dance pattern and took a step backwards.

"I know what you meant." His words weren't rude, or necessarily cold. They were a warning.

"Well then, you understand what I'm hinting at then." I didn't need to look at the guy to know he flicked his eyebrows when he said that.

"I guess I do." Armin sighed, arms still firmly crossed. "But if you excuse me, my friends are probably wondering where I am. Nice to meet you." He took a step to his left, right next to the entrance to the club. So close to escape but not quite close enough.

"Hey," Steven moved in the direction Armin has tried to flee to. He backed him against the wall, hands either side. "Where d'you think you're going?" He taunted, menacingly.

I had seen enough. "Hey," I barked, stepping towards the pair. Both faces looked towards me. Steve was probably surprised I had even heard them considering he had been speaking in murmurs. I flicked my cigarette out of my hand and to the alley floor. "Just -"

Before I could say anything, the door to the alley burst open. "ARMIN!?" A voice yelled. "Armin are you out here!?"

Out stumbled a very drunken look Eren Jaeger.

"Eren!" Armin, exclaimed, surprised, still trapped under Steven's caging arms, leaning as far away as possible from him. I swore a blush had crept upon his cheeks.

"What are you doing?" Eren questioned, but it wasn't directed at Armin. He was staring at Steven with fury in his emerald eyes. He moved towards him and Steve dropped his arms, but still hovered towards Armin.

In all honesty, this was becoming quite amusing. I'd met Eren twice before, and it never occurred that he would have this side to him. His eyes had only ever looked mischievous and even innocent, now they contained raw anger. Part of me wondered if it was purely the alcohol in his system.

"We're just having a conversation, aren't we? It's got nothing to do with you, bud." Turned away from Eren and back towards Armin. "Isn't that right?"

"Actually, I -" Armin's answer was cut short with the alley door opening once again. A girl with short black hair and a cold expression was followed by a lanky guy with light brown hair and an undercut, just looking agitated.

"Eren?" The girl called, confusion crossing her face at the scene in front of her. Armin shrugged, and I heard the boy behind the girl groan loudly.

"God dammit, Eren." He stepped towards him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Get back inside, we'll sort this."

I was literally invisible to the scene currently unfolding. This was the most entertaining thing to happen all night. I leaned against the wall once more and pulled out a second cigarette.

"No, Jean. Not until he gets away from Armin." Eren stated certainly, and Armin looked like he wanted to sink into the wall he was still backed against.

"Why? Are you his boyfriend?" Steve mocked, looking at Armin. "Is this your boyfriend?"

"No, but that doesn't even matter. He doesn't want you so just back off!" Eren emphasised the last words very clearly despite his intoxicated state, delivering each one like a punch.

"You're stating to piss me off now, dick." Steve warned, his body shifting so it wasn't pointed at Armin any more, but Eren.

"Oh I am?" Eren feinted surprise, throwing his arms out to the side. "Good, it's working." Well, couldn't that brat be sassy? I couldn't help the corners of my mouth from twitching.

From the corner of my I could see that Jean had placed a firm hand on the girl's shoulder, who's face was beginning to contort with anger. The music from inside the club seemed to be getting louder, although that was probably because it was getting closer to the drop of the song I didn't even know. It seemed to match the rising tension of the situation out here.

"I'm giving you one more chance, kid. Run along." Something told me Steven wasn't even in it for Armin any more. It was a challenge, which one would back down first. I'd seen it a million times.

"Well, I'm not gonna take it." Eren shrugged, smirk tugging on his mouth. His hair was pointing in different directions once again and small beads of sweat were formed on his forehead, most likely from dancing. "So now what?"

"Eren ..." Jean's voice warned him, and Eren turned and tilted his head as if to say, "why not?" I hadn't noticed the guys from the other side that had previously been standing with Steven had edged towards the confrontation. That wasn't good.

"This!" Steve exclaimed, before shoving Eren roughly in the shoulder. It was the chance that Eren had been waiting for and as soon as he had regained his balance the punches were flying. As Eren hit Steven square across the jaw, another guy lunged for him. He didn't have a chance to get there though, before the girl's boot had dug forcefully into his stomach, he keeled and she flicked her hair out of her face. Jean in the mean time was keeping the third and final guy from getting to Eren while Steven recovered and hit him back. Eren took it like a champ though, and soon enough had tackled Steven down. There was a mad scramble for a second, and then Steven was on top of Eren, pressing his face into the pavement.

My heart stopped when he pulled Eren's head up with his hair, and slammed it back down.

I was moving before I even realised I needed to, crossing the alley towards the bloodied teen and older man. Anger was boiling just beneath my skin and I could feel it threatening to burst out. What even crossed his mind to make him think that was okay? A few drunken punches were one thing, but that could have killed the brat. I didn't want to spend too long on that thought though.

Both arms shot out and I grabbed Steven by the collar, just as he was about to do it again. Suddenly, I could feel movement around us stop, the struggles between the girl and Jean pausing to stare at me. With one smooth motion, I lifted Steve upwards and slammed him into the wall, hoisting him up.

"What kind of disgusting person hits a man while they have him pinned down. Fight fair or don't do it." I spoke through barred teeth. "I should teach you a lesson for that," I could feel him tense and move his head, looking anywhere but my eyes. I was 5ft 3 maybe, but I could still take him on his best day. I had a feeling he knew that. "But if you and your meatheads go, I'll let you leave with your teeth. Understood?"

The man still in my grip nodded furiously and I swear to God, I thought I heard him whimper. Pathetic. After another moment of glaring, just make sure he got the message, I set him down, and let go. He scampered out of there faster than I could say "coward". Disgruntled, his friends followed after, shouting empty threats of "You should watch out" and similar things.

"Eren," I said, kneeling down towards the kid. Amazingly, he was conscious. Blood was dripping from his nose, and had been smeared around his face from being pushed into the ground. Gross.

"Levi?" Eren mumbled, surprise still managing to work its way into his voice regardless of whatever pain he was in. Maybe the effects of the alcohol were still holding off the worst of it for now. "I didn't think I hit my head that hard. If it was really you, you would have called me brat."

The corners of my mouths twitched. Ever the comedian. Eren began to pull himself into an upright position next to me. God this alley was filthy. Brat better be grateful. "Hey, easy-" I warned, but before I could reason why, I was being shouted at.

"What the hell did you do!?" The girl was suddenly above me, dagger eyes glaring at me through flicks of dark hair. "You let him get away. He hurt Eren, I could have killed him!" I rolled my eyes, and saw Armin move towards Eren.

"Exactly." I said, my voice monotone. "You would've just made the situation worse. At least now no one will be spending the night in a cell." It was like she didn't even think I was angry. Hell, it was like she didn't even think. There would only have been more trouble if they had stayed.

"Yeah, them!" She exclaimed. Jean lay a hand on her shoulder and she shrugged him off.

"It doesn't work that way." I spoke while lighting the third cigarrette of the evening. "Besides, don't you have more things to worry about? Like Eren, down there?" She scowled at me, but dropped to her knees nonetheless, beginning to talk to Armin.

"You'd be surprised how often this happens." Jean muttered, standing next to me. He got a look in return as a cue to stop talking and then was silent.

A moment or two passed with murmurs from the trio on the floor. I wondered if Hanji and that lot noticed I was gone. They probably thought I was trying my luck inside. Ha, if only.

"I think he's concussed. And his nose needs to be set, I think." Armin concluded, standing up with the girl to support Eren. "Mikasa, have you been drinking? Could you drive us to the hospital?"

"I've had a few, but I can do it." Her face was set like stone. When Armin said her name my mind flickered back to the sketch on Eren's website. It was very accurate now seeing the real life version.

I scoffed and four sets of eyes turned to me. Eren seemed dozy, but was slowly becoming more aware. His eyes were on me too, all anger lost from those green orbs. "How fucking stupid do you have to be to drink and drive. I'm sober, I'll drive you." They didn't have to know I'd had my fair amount of experiences driving drunk. Well not drunk, just intoxicated.

"That's really nice, Levi," How did Armin know my name? He must have heard Eren say it. "But you've already helped us a lot." It was Mikasa's turn to scoff and my eyes narrowed slightly.

"I said, I'll do it, so I'll do it." There must have been a harshness to my tone (but when wasn't there?) because they didn't argue. Instead, the group of college kids stood there. "Well? What are you waiting for? I've taken shits faster than you three."


	4. Clean Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update time! Hi guys, simple chapter this week. Your guys support is incredible and I love all of you, thank you guys. Critique and comments are very, very welcome (and encouraged). I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
> 
> As usual, my tumblr is sorrows-stark and I track the tag fic: empty handed too, so posts there are extremely welcome too. 
> 
> Next update will be Saturday as usual, see you then! - Kat

If you were to ask me, I would say Sina looked nicest at night. It was around midnight and the lights of the city were bright as ever. Driving through the city in my car was a surreal experience at this time of night. I could tell that the outside was loud and anything but peaceful, but inside the car it was just that.

Well, it usually was. Tonight, however, that tranquillity was slightly lacking due to the bloodied, extremely confused and still slightly hammered college kid in the back seat. And a grumpy girl who didn't seem to want to leave Eren's side. Jean had stayed at the club to wait for their friend Marco and Armin was sat in the front seat next to me. At first he seemed kind of uncomfortable, but he'd relaxed slightly when there wasn't any actual conversation. Apart from Eren.

  
The kid hadn't shut up. I didn't know if it was the alcohol, or if the kid had hit his head so hard he couldn't tell no one else was talking. "Where are we going?" "Am I still bleeding?" "Where's Jean?" "Hey Levi." "Why am I in your car?" "Your car is nice." "Much nicer than mine. Cleaner too."

  
I guess the sigh I exhaled was audible because Armin sat up a bit straighter. "It's just important he doesn't fall asleep." He said sympathetically. The boy had to be a saint to put up with this. Mikasa didn't seem to notice the incessant talking, instead staring out the window with a red scarf pulled up around her mouth. Every minute or so I could see her eyes flicker back to Eren in the rear view mirror.

  
"Fucking right it's a nice car," I grunted, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel as I waited for the traffic lights to change. "So you get blood anywhere I won't hesitate to throw you out, concussion or not." I threatened and the kid quietened for a while.

  
Not for long though. "Can we have some music on?" He asked, almost innocently. Whatever was making him act like an idiot was most likely beginning to wear off, much to my relief.

  
"If it'll shut you up," I said, looking over at Armin. He was smirking slightly, sleeves of his t-shirt pulled down around his hands. It looked like a nervous habit. "Hey, choose a CD from there and put it on. Something the brat will like enough just to listen to." Armin nodded and did as I asked.

  
A drum beat started the song and soon it was the only noise in the car apart from the drumming of my fingers. I was beginning to think this was the most awkward car journey of my life when Eren spoke up once more, but this time sounding even more sober. Good sign. "I didn't peg you as a guy who liked The Cure."

  
I shrugged. "I like a lot of music." Answering simply, I wondered what kind of music he had thought I was into. Apparently, the fact I liked The Cure wasn't a problem, seeing as he seemed to enjoy them too.

  
"Daylight licked me into shape, I must've been asleep for days!" He sang dramatically, lolling his head against the back of his seat. Armin snickered into his sleeve. The hospital was just half an hour away but I had a feeling this would be a long drive.

 

 

I hated hospitals. Always had. The only positive thing was its cleanliness. The walls are floor were so white they could have been bleached, and hand sanitiser dispensers were placed on walls around the waiting room. Still, sitting around sick people was never something I had enjoyed.

  
Eren had been admitted relatively quickly, and Mikasa had gone off with him. I sat with Armin in the waiting room, watching the clock above the nurses' station tick horrifyingly slowly. Eventually, Armin's phone pinged and he pulled it out of his pocket.

  
"Oh," He read the message quickly, and Levi raised an eyebrow as a way of asking 'what?' "Marco's bringing Jean here so they can pick us up. That means you can go home and get some rest." I decided I liked Armin. Whether that was because he was the bearer of good news, or because he'd been the least annoying person to deal with that night I wasn't sure.

  
It took me a moment to realise the only reason I had been hanging around was to take the brats home. Now they had a ride, and I wouldn't know if Eren was okay. Not that I cared that much, but there was still the thought at the back of my mind. If he wasn't okay, it would be my fault, right? I had seen the whole fight and only intervened after it went too far. God, I was an idiot. I knew it was just a concussion and he had seemed fine in the car. But these things could worsen with time right?

  
"Armin, right?" I knew his name, but I said it anyway. He nodded, looking slightly surprised. "Here," I paused, pulling out my phone. "Just take my number and tell me if the brat's okay or not."

  
"Of course, Levi." He smiled pleasantly, and took it down into his phone. "He's gonna be fine. This isn't the first time he's gotten into a fight, and he's come off a lot worse before. I'm thankful you stepped in when you did. I tend just to freeze in situations like that." I nodded.

  
"Well, the kid's actually stupid then. Shame he hit his head, he needed the few brain cells he had left." I pocketed my phone. "Well, see ya kid." I said, aware of my eyes growing heavy. Home wasn't that far and then I could sleep.

  
"Bye Levi." And with that I walked out of the hospital, trying to shake the sight of Eren covered in blood from my mind.

***

 

Mornings when you wake late of you own accord and usually the best ones. Nothing requiring you to get up other than the fact you don't want to stay in bed any longer. It was one of those mornings right now. In a nest of warm blankets like these, I felt like there was a literal barrier between me and the world outside.

  
I had pulled into my apartment block at half one this morning, hauled my ass up those flights of stairs and dropped straight into my oh-so welcoming bed. It was now noon and I hadn't moved since. I had no reason to.

  
Until I rolled over, and for no more than a split second I thought he was there, watching me rouse from sleep. The noon sun was brighter than morning's and shone a more yellow light onto the white sheets next to me, enough to remind me of his golder hair, relatively neat even at this time of the morning. In my haste to sleep last night, I hadn't closed the curtains of my room.

  
I was sitting bolt upright before my mind could even instruct my body to do so. Pathetic. That was the only word I could use to describe myself. Gently, I reached out my hand and rakes my fingers over the place where the light brushed the pillows and sheet, warm from exposure to the sun and not from another person's body.

  
I wasn't sure how long I stayed there for, it could have been a minute, or maybe fifteen. Eventually the message tone on my phone awoke me from my dazed state. I shifted across the bed, grabbing the phone and my glasses from the beside table.

  
_Guess who isn't dead?_

  
"What the-?" I exhaled, looking at the unknown number.

  
_Armin?_ I texted back, leaning back into my pillow with the sheets pooling around my waist

_._   
_No, Eren. Well, I'm Eren. And I'm also not dead. Neither is Armin though._

  
What a dork. He sounded like an awkward teen even through texting. Wasn't that the point of technology? You have time to think through your reply unlike in person, that way you wouldn't sound like a total loser.

  
_That's good to know. And by good I mean really fucking boring._

  
He replied a few moments later.

  
_Aw c'mon, last night was anything but boring._

  
I rolled my eyes.

  
_Yeah, you're right. Seeing you beaten to a pulp was pretty entertaining._

  
_Masochist. Besides, I was holding my own._

  
I stifled an actual laugh, even though the brat wasn't even in the room. I ignored the masochist comment.

  
_Please, if I hadn't shown up you'd have been fucked. Maybe I should have just left it, then you wouldn't be bothering me now._

  
_You care too much to have left me, I can tell :P_

  
_Sure brat. Armin give you the number?_

  
_Yup. He's here now. Apparently I should say thank you for last night. So thanks._

  
_Just don't ask me to do it again._

  
_Wouldn't dream of it. But I do mean it when I say thanks._

  
Before I could reply, an alert appeared on my phone telling me if was low on battery. I must have forgotten to plug it in last night. Sighing, I shuffled to the other side of my bed that was pressed against the wall, reaching down the side to grab the plug in the wall socket. Instead, my fingers grabbed at something soft.

Apprehensively, I clutched onto the object and pulled it out. Now, on the bed sat a white linen shirt. His white linen shirt. The one I had thrown there not so long ago. I'd forgotten all about it.

  
Every so often, there comes a point when you have to think about what you're doing at that particular point in time. Here, I was sitting in a cold, empty silence staring at my ex-boyfriend's shirt. It was nearly two months since we broke up, and I was still having set backs. I couldn't carry on like this. I just couldn't.

  
I left the shirt on the bed and plugged my phone in successfully this time. Instead of replying to Eren, I dialled Hanji's number. I had left Hanji and the others a message to tell them I was leaving last night, but I'm sure she still had question to be answered. I, however, had different plans for today.

  
"Levi?" She answered on third or so ring. "Called to explain last night?"

  
"Actually, I'm calling to make a grave mistake and invite you over, shit head." I was still sprawled across the bed, sheets in a tangle around my legs leaving my torso bare. Glasses but no shirt. I hated my eyesight.

  
"I haven't been to your apartment in ages." Hanji hummed, as if deciding whether to go or not. I knew she would anyway. "Okay, fine. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Fine, wear something that doesn't matter if it gets messy." I warned. 

"God forbid you let something get messy, what are we doing?" She asked, inquisitively.

  
"Wait and see." I said ominously. "See you later, freak."

 

***

 

"Okay, keep or throw away?" Hanji held up a book in each hand. Erwin had gotten me one, but they were both personal favourites and I was not the kind of person to throw away a good book no matter how many times I had read it.

  
"Keep." I said, turning back to the CD rack in my living room. Fleetwood Mac, his. Into the trash bag in the centre of the room. The Jam, mine, staying firmly in it's place. 100 Greatest Love song. His, the fucking loser old man. Another into the trash bag.

 

Honestly, the trash bag was filling up pretty quickly. Erwin had left more stuff here than I remembered. We'd been through my kitchen, and not ended up throwing more out than a few of his coffee mugs and bottle of champagne he'd bought for a special occasion, that we never ended up using. Hanji said she was keeping that though. Fine by me, I was just glad to be rid of this stuff finally.

  
My fingers flicked through the CD cases until they clumsily stumbled to a halt. There was a CD I hadn't looked at in a long time. First Love by the pianist Yiruma. Erwin played it every so often, either mornings when he was up before I, already making coffee and something for breakfast in the kitchen. Or quiet evenings sitting in what had been our living room. The pieces of music themselves were beautiful, music I would have gladly listened to for hours on end, curled up besides him.

But now? I didn't think I could listen to it again. I felt my breath hitch as I turned the case over in my hands, fingers gripping a lot tighter than I had intended. I closed my eyes and images of Erwin played over in my head, making me so dizzy I couldn't see straight when I opened them. My chest ached.

  
I felt a sudden anger. Not so much anger really, as despair. At us, how we'd fallen apart right in the palm of my hand. It was obvious Hanji saw this.

  
"Break it." Her voice was calm. It wasn't an instruction, more of a forceful suggestion. 

"What?" I questioned, snatched from my daze. "Don't be ridiculous, I'm not going to -"

  
"That feeling you get when you hold it?" Hanji turned from her position on the floor by my couch, sitting cross legged facing me. "That hurt that makes you feel like you're burning? Is that what you feel?" She asked, but already knew the answer.

  
"Hanji, it doesn't matter." I stated.

  
"Doesn't it?" She prompted. "I think it matters a lot. I know you're hurting Levi, you're just too proud to say anything. Don't talk to me about it, fine, but you need a release. Just break it. It's his right?"

  
Hesitating, I looked down at the CD. "I can't, it's not mine to wreck." I argued weakly, still keeping the emotion I was currently feeling from my voice.

  
"Damn right it's not. That's why you're gonna do it." Hanji said, standing up. "Just throw it at the wall. We're redecorating right? There's no damage we can't replace or buy again." I rolled my eyes. "It's not yours to break, but neither were you. You weren't his to break."

  
"I'm not broken." I hissed, spitting the last word.

  
"Show me then." Hanji taunted. "Every bad thing he made you feel, every time you though it was your fault, that you weren't good enough, that he didn't love you, put into that CD. Just think back to the hurt he caused, how it felt when he was gone. Waking up alone."

  
Each word was like a dagger to me. Hanji wasn't being horrible, I could see what she was doing, but it make my blood boil and eyes sting and chest ache and I had no idea I could feel so angry and frustrated and just sad at the same time. 

 

"How do you feel, Levi?" Hanji's voice had been rising in volume and now she was shouting but for some reason it didn't seem that loud. "How d'you feel knowing that this, all of this? Is because of him!"

  
The CD had left my hand with a cry of frustration and I pretended there wasn't a tear or two in my eye.

  
"Good!" She cried, tossing another CD that had already been put into the trash bag into my hands. "Again!"

  
And a CD smashed for a second time, against the wall of my sleek apartment that had been nothing but spotless for so long. Now shards of plastic cases and CD splinters were scattered one side of the floor.

  
That carried on for a while, eventually Hanji began tossing me the mugs from the kitchen but I was in too much of a frenzy to even notice. I was yelling I knew that, Hanji goading me on at the same time.

  
Eventually, I sank to the floor, out of breath and tear streaks had stained my face. Exhausted, I hadn't even noticed Hanji sit down with me and was now pulling me into an embrace, that I excepted without a fight. Either because of how tired I was feeling now, or because it was just Hanji and she'd hug me anyway.

  
"How d'you feel?" She murmured, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear, fingers brushing my under cut slightly.

  
"Empty." I replied, voice rough from before. "Just entirely empty."

  
"That's better than hurting, for now." Hanji pressed her head against my shoulder, an understanding gesture.

  
And right then, huddled on my living room floor with shards of broken items surrounding us, I agreed with her.

***

When I was eight years old, I was sent to a private boarding school. My relationship with my parents was never really that affectionate, but I was well looked after and always had been. That's the way with families with money. I attended that boarding school until the age of sixteen, when my parents died in a car crash. Even though I only returned home during summer and Christmas, and only saw my parents on a select days throughout those, I can't say the news didn't effect me. It hurt because, I didn't so much as miss my parents as much as I missed the relationship I could have had with them. But that was in the past now.

  
I was removed from the boarding school to spend the last two years of my education living with my grandmother, a frail old lady who wore shawls nearly every day and had a very large staff to look after her, and then me too. My grandfather had past away a few years prior and she'd never been the same since but when I arrived I began to see her old ways more frequently again. We enjoyed long conversations out on the porch and she'd smile the way only old women seemed to know how to, wearily but still pleasant, as if looking back at you with the knowledge of a life time in their eyes. Well, I guess she was. Every so often I'd play piano for her, those were her favourite days.

  
Anyway, I moved out when I turned eighteen, inheriting my parents money. I wouldn't call it a fortune exactly, but it was enough to live comfortably for my whole life with a relatively low paying job. It paid for all my university fees where I studied literature and met Hanji too. So afterwards, we moved to Sina, deciding the city life was best for me despite the dirt and aggravating people. I didn't want to go back to summer homes and formal dinners, so I got an apartment. A nice apartment at that, very modern and sleek, even if the block didn't have a working elevator. Open plan with a good view. I wrote my grandmother every week until she passed away three years ago. 

 

But all that boring story basically is telling you how I manage to get by on practically minimum wage and still keep living a relatively luxury life. Like now, we were back from the closest DIY shop, with pots of paint and other things needed.

  
"White?" Hanji raised an eyebrow. "You want white walls?"

  
"White is clean. And it'll make the room look bigger." I shrugged, unloading the newly bought items. We'd already set up the room ready to get started. Getting rid of the lavendar blue paint that covered most of my apartment walls was something I'd been thinking about for a while. White meant a fresh start to me.

  
"You forget most people don't wash their walls every day, white isn't 'clean'" She used her fingers to form quotation marks. "for most people."

  
"Whatever glasses, just grab a brush and get started. The sooner this fuckery is done the better." I stated, grabbing a roll brush and pouring some paint into a tray.

  
We had been painting in silence apart from quiet conversation for a while until Hanji decided that was boring. She plugged her ipod into a dock I had in the living room and began blasting her music.

  
"This stuff is shit." I commented, sighing at her choice. It was some pop song that I didn't know. "You better feel special I'm letting you play this sorry excuse for music in my apartment." I pointed the brush towards her.

  
"Levi, you really gotta stop with this whole music superiority thing you got going on." Hanji shrugged, grinning nonetheless. "Just because it actually comes from this century doesn't mean you can't listen to it."

  
I wasn't really listening though. My phone had bleeped on the coffee table and I set my brush down to go see who it was, wiping my messy hands on a towel we'd set aside as we went. Eren, the name read. I had saved his number earlier that day.

  
_I take it as a personal offence you didn't respond to my last message, just to be clear._

  
What was the brat? Some clingy girlfriend? In all honesty though, I had meant to reply. I'd just been distracted throughout the day. I didn't let myself feel bad though.

  
_I would say it's nothing personal, but it is. Entirely._

  
He replied almost instantly. 

  
_Aw, c'mon Levi. You know that's not true._

  
_Of course it's true, brat. I wouldn't say it otherwise._

  
"Okay, I gotta know." Hanji gave in, putting her paintbrush down and sitting on the floor. "Who are you texting? Because I'm pretty sure I'm your only friend and I'm right here. Plus you keep smirking at your phone."

  
I sighed. "It's just this kid I met a little while ago." I saw crazed look she had in her eye and decided to move on quickly. "He was the reason I left so early last night."

  
Wrong thing to say. She beamed and threw her hands around me. "Levi!" She squealed. "You got laid! I had no idea!" 

"Get the fuck off me, shitty glasses." I grunted, using both hands to push her away. "I didn't get laid, you idiot." I exhaled when she was a normal distance from me again. "He got into a fight and I took him and his friends to the emergency room."

  
"That is ... a lot more boring than what I imagined." She pouted, sitting cross legged like a six year old listening to a story. "Wait, so why did you take him? Why on earth would you, of all people, take a stranger to the emergency room."

  
"Because I was the only one sober." I shrugged. "And he wasn't a stranger, I'd met him before hand a few times."

  
"Really? Where?" Hanji's eyes narrowed.   
"The museum actually, he, er, introduced himself when I was walking around." For some reason, I didn't feel like disclosing the full story of the camera incident. "And he was at this coffee shop I went to for lunch a few weeks ago."

  
"And he just happened to be at the club last night?" Hanji inquired. "Either it's fate or he's stalking you. Or you him."

  
"Fate's bullshit, and I have more important things to do, so the brat's probably following me places." Hanji chuckled.

  
"So what's his name?" She asked. Hanji, ever so nosey at points. Questions firing like a rifle.

  
"Eren." I answered, which seemed to satisfy her. Before she could ask something else, my phone dinged.

  
_I'm hurt, very hurt. And it's not the bruised face, just my ego._

  
_How the hell is your ego even still intact, you must get blows to it everyday._

  
_Willpower mostly ;)_

  
"Smirking again," Hanji gave me a nudge in the ribs and I frowned at her.

  
"Yeah, because he's such a dork." The was most definitely true. I didn't mention the fact he was such a loser was slightly endearing, for lack of a better word.

  
Hanji leaned over and snatched my phone. I didn't even bother complaining as she flicked through my messages to him. This girl had never had any sense of privacy. "This is flirting, Levi!" She gushed.

  
"It's not flirting, Hanji, calm your shit." I rolled my eyes. "Now give me my phone back before I break those shitty glasses on your face." I ordered, hand out stretched to either receive my phone or fulfil my threat. Luckily, she gave in.

  
"Fine." She turned around and picked up her brush again. "But it is so flirting." She muttered under her breath, most likely to herself so I didn't bother responding.

  
Honestly, I couldn't tell if it was flirting. I'm slightly socially inept, mostly because I never really needed to socialise. I had Hanji because she decided to be my friend regardless of my feelings on the subject, and through Hanji I had met the others and was now close with them. Even so, it had taken a while for even Petra to warm up to me. She was so kind and welcoming, I made her feel uncomfortable. Now, she knew to just ignore how I acted and be herself.

  
Whether it was or not, Eren was doing a remarkable job sticking with it. Part of that made me admire him slightly, just because most people had given up by now. He still seemed adamant to befriend me. Why I had no idea, but I was becoming more and more intrigued to find out.

  
_Whatever you say, kid._ I finally texted back.

  
"Hey, Hanji?" She looked up from the section of wall she was painting. I pushed my glasses further up my nose. "D'you fancy going for lunch tomorrow? I know this new place not too far from the bookshop."

  
Hanji grinned and nodded. "Sounds like a plan to me." 


	5. City Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a horrible person.
> 
> I am so sorry this update is soooo late. I won't and make excuses (well maybe one or two) it's just I lost all my work on this fic, and had to rewrite this whole chapter and I have to rewrite the next one too. Not fun. As soon as I get out of the stage of rewriting everything should be great and dandy and back to normal. 
> 
> As usual, thank you for you comments and kudos. You can find me as sorrows-stark on tumblr and I track the tag fic: empty handed so post there if you have anything to share. This chapter is extra long, around 1000 to 500 words extra depending on the chapter in question, so I hope you like that. 
> 
> Your support is what made me actually write and upload this now so thank you so much, and I hope it's not too much to ask for it to keep coming. Anyway, enjoy the chapter, hopefully Chapter Six will be out next Saturday as usual. - Kat (Also, it's like 3AM so try to forgive any mistakes.)

Books always have a certain smell about them. It's different depending on the age of the book really, but for some reason books smell so much better than just normal paper. Not that I spend my time sniffing paper. I'm not Mike after all. But it was one of my favourite things about working in the bookstore. That and how quiet it was.

The bookstore didn't attract that many customers. I guess these days people could walk into a chain store, and buy a Starbucks at the same time. I liked the traditional quality of this place though. The customers that did come in didn't often require any help, and all I had to do was work the register.

The old man that owned the place was rarely out front. He greeted me everyday, and then disappeared into the back room, where I was pretty sure he slept through the day. Occasionally his niece or granddaughter would visit, a silent girl with cold eyes and a sharp nose. I was pretty sure she was called Annabelle. At least that's what the store owner had said once.

A perk of not having a boss that paid any attention? I could pretty much do anything I wanted all day. I spent a while reorgansing the books, reading myself, listening to music. I cleaned a lot seeing as the place was ancient and there was always dust somewhere. Of course there was work that needed to be done like inventory, but that was easy.

Right now I was leaning on the counter, book and phone in front of me. My phone on the table lit up as Eren's name flashed on screen.

 _Pssst Levi_. The message read.

 _What?_ I replied, too quickly for my liking.

_This lecture is so boring_

That earned a long, excessive eye roll from me. _Pay attention_

 _Why? i've already read all about the technique he's talking about._ I obviously didn't reply fast enough for his liking because he messaged me again. _Just 15 more mins and i get to go meet mikasa and armin :D_

Fucking emoticons.

The bell above the shop door tinkled lightly as Hanji stepped into bookstore, cheeks reddened from the cold and a wide grin plastered on her face. The idiot was even wearing ear muffs."Levi!" She greeted in a sing-song voice, bouncing up to the counter.  
  
"Hanji," I nodded, in a good enough mood to use her name rather than an insult. "Cold out?" I asked, nonchalantly, stepping out from my post, and tucking my book into my satchel bag.

"Yuh-huh." She confirmed, leaning on the counter as I readied myself, eyes shuffling over the bookstore. "I gotta run an errand before we eat lunch, but it should only take about ten minutes. Mike wants something from the chemist." She shrugged.

I had one arm into my dark grey coat at this point and the second one followed as I sighed dramatically. "Fine, but don't be slow. I know how you are." Hanji smiled. "What?" I prompted, grabbing my white scarf, and wrapping it around my neck.

"Nothing." She said quickly, mouth still shaped into a grin. I apparently, didn't seem convinced as she repeated it again, sounding more assured. "Nothing."

"If you say so, freak." I let it slide, walking towards the door of the shop. Fishing my phone from my pocket with one hand, I changed the sign of the shop from 'open' to 'closed' seeing as no one would be there to serve anyone. "Are you coming or what?" I asked, turning towards Hanji who was still leaning at the counter.

I shot a quick text to Eren before leaving. _Whatever, I'm grabbing lunch now. See ya._

 

_***_

 

"This the place?" Hanji asked, looking up at Coffee & More, the coffee shop I hadn't eaten at a few weeks ago. The same place I had bumped into Eren.

"Yeah. It has pretty good coffee." It didn't. I just wanted to see, try my luck. Hanji's stop at the chemist had taken about half an hour, not ten minutes like she had said. But what had I expected really.

"Well, let's eat then." Hanji elbowed me in the ribs as if prompting me to move as she spoke. She pushed open the door and the warmth of the cafe was like walking into a wall of comfort. The smell of coffee danced around my nose and I noticed I was actually craving some. When wasn't I, though? Only when I was craving something stronger, really.

"What d'you want to eat then?" Hanji asked, but I didn't reply. Instead, I let my eyes scan the coffee house as Hanji and I fell into the line, until my eyes stumbled upon them, what I had chosen this place to possibly see.

Eren, Mikasa and Armin sat in the corner of the coffee shop by the window. It looked as if Eren was the middle of telling a funny story, his grin as wide as ever. Armin was snickering into his long grey sleeve and even Mikasa seemed to be smiling, even if it was into that red scarf of hers. Eren was using his hands to talk, pushing up the sleeves of his navy blue sweater. Suddenly, his eyes flittered across to me, as if he could tell he was being watched.

"Levi?" I heard him from across the room, and saw his expression morph, from confusion and disbelief, to an even wider grin than before. "Levi!" The questioning tone was gone from his voice now, and he sounded almost pleased. Armin and Mikasa turned too, but Eren's attention wasn't directed at them.

He earned a quirk of my eyebrow and a smirk on my lips, before I turned back to Hanji. "I'm not that hungry. I think I'll just get a drink." I answered eventually, hoping to ignore what had just previously happened. Not to any luck of course.

"Who's that and why is he calling your name?" Hanji's eyes narrowed and flicked between me and the brat, who I now had my back to. I made an effort to look actually interested in the menu above her head. Unfortunately, interest wasn't one of the expressions I had mastered. Exasperation, I could do.

She still waited for a response, her eyes focused on me now. I could practically feel her stare boring into me. "That's Eren." I sighed, meeting her gaze. Her deep, brown eyes practically lit up.

"Flirting Eren!?" She gasped, in as a hushed voice as Hanji could possibly managed. Her eyes shot back up towards Eren, who was still looking this way. I rolled my eyes.

"Stalking Eren," I corrected, letting my eyes drift back up to the menu. That coffee was slowly becoming more and more needed.

"Pft, not too sure about who's doing the stalking, now." A shit eating grin was plastered on her face. She nudged me in the ribs. "Robbing the cradle aren't we, Levi?" She wiggled her eyebrows in my direction.

"It's not like that, you idiot." My voice just sounded tired by that point. Honestly, I didn't know what it was like. Eren seemed okay. And didn't get annoyed when I brushed him off. It was almost like he didn't care that I was a total asshole. And let's face it, there weren't many people like that lining up to be my friend.

"Sure it isn't." Hanji nodded, patronisingly. "Well, come on then." She had grabbed my wrist and began pulling me in the direction of their table. This was not a part of the plan. I just wanted to see if he'd be there, not actually interact with them.

"Hanji!" I hissed through my teeth. "Hanji, what are you doing!?" I dug my heels into the floor, but allowed myself to be pulled anyway. Hanji would get me to that table, even if it meant picking me up and carrying me there. Didn't mean I couldn't make it harder for her though.

"Hi." The three's heads had followed to their table, so the surprise in their faces was most likely from Hanji's boldness. "I'm Hanji Zoe, and I'm pretty sure you've already had the pleasure of meeting my friend Levi." She smiled widely, and it was returned in the same measure by Eren, as she gestured to me.

I merely rolled my eyes. My grandmother used to tell me my eyes would fall out of my head with the amount I rolled them. Part of me wished they would now. At least then I'd have a valid reason to leave.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Hanji." Eren beamed, flashing his roughish smile. He shoved a hand through his already messy, chestnut hair. "I'm Eren, that's my sister Mikasa, and Armin. Er, would you like to sit down?" He asked politely.

Poor kid. Not a good move. "We'd love to!" Hanji exclaimed before throwing herself down in the seat next to Eren, flinging an arm around his shoulder. Honestly, I was expecting Eren to seem more uncomfortable, but he looked relatively at ease after the shock of Hanji's overenthusiasm subsided.

It was strange, come to think of it. From what I had gathered with my previous encounters with Eren, he was awkward. No way around it. He was an awkward kid that stumbled into awkward situation after awkward situation. But he was still confident. And gave off an air of confidence more importantly.

"So I heard you guys got into a tough time at the club?" Hanji grinned at the trio around us, while I sat in the space provided when Armin shuffled over, a warm, but slightly sympathetic smile on his face. Mikasa sat in the corner nearest to the window, scarf slipping in and out between her finger tips.

I wondered if part of her was still angry at me for not intervening in the fight sooner. However, a nod when she caught my eye made me think not. Mikasa didn't seem particularly nervous having us around, so I didn't think it was anxiety keeping her quiet. Maybe she was like me, and just didn't interact with people very well.

"You say you guys," Armin grinned, almost mischievously. "When it was really just Eren." He paused, and sighed, grin still there to show Eren he was joking. "Again."

"Hey, watch it, princess." Eren actually stuck out his tongue. "You were in trouble, I helped out."

"I had it handled," Armin disputed. He paused again, this time to pick up his over sized coffee saucer and take a sip. "Besides," He began, setting it down. "You probably don't even remember what happened. Not until Levi's car at the very least."

"Even that's a bit fuzzy." Eren admitted, bashfully. A slight blush had crept across his cheeks and a hand moved to rub at the back of his neck. "I just remember singing to The Cure." He grinned.

"That was singing?" I raised an eyebrow and his eyes fell on me. It could have been my imagination, but I swore there was a glint in his eye as a response to me speaking for the first time while being with them. "I thought you were just trying to murder one of my favourite bands." I huffed, sarcastically.

"It's been a lot worse." Armin sighed, resting his head on his hand, elbow propped up on the table. Like I said before, poor kid. I wondered if Eren was his Hanji. If it was, I felt bad for him. Really.

I zoned out after that. They were talking about something I didn't care about, and I hadn't even gotten coffee. There was no point in my trying to be an active part of the conversation - and really, I couldn't care less. Instead, I watched Eren.

Okay, well that sounded weird. It wasn't as creepy as that, he just had habits that couldn't go unnoticed. The hair thing? He pushed a hand through it, letting the locks go in different directions, standing upright for a split second before flopping down again, usually in his eyes. He also pushed his sleeves up a lot, even when they went rolling down. Just another way of showing his confidence, I guessed.

Eren had a certain way that meant he was engaging, and looked engaged at the same time. It was a feat I admired, considering I couldn't do either. I was pretty sure my face looked bored as usual, even if I was preoccupied.

"Sure!" Hanji agreed, removing her arm from around Eren and sitting up a bit straighter. "That'd be awesome, Levi and I will be there!" She smiled at me. It was not a genuine smile. It was a "be nice", "do as you're told", "I swear to God Levi I mean it" smile. I was used to those and recognised it immediately.

"Where are we going?" I drawled, eyes narrowing slightly.

"We're having a party, and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come." Armin offered helpfully. Mikasa's eyes had drifted to the window, apparently as bored with the conversation as I was.

"Absolutely fucking not." I replied instantly, which was greeted with a selection of wide eyes and shocked expressions, or in Mikasa's case a snigger. I wondered if it was the down right no or the cussing that shocked them the most. My thoughts were silenced by Hanji's louder, obviously more obnoxious voice.

"I said, we're going." Hanji smiled graciously towards the people we were currently sitting with. "I can promise you guys, we'll be there." We would most certainly fucking not be there.

 

*** 

 

"I hate you," I announced as Hanji and I walked down the corridor of Eren's apartment complex. "I hate you, and I hate the brat, and I hate the brat's friends, and I hate my shitty life." I muttered, pulling my beanie down, a frown on my face.

"That's nice Levi." Hanji hummed, a content smile on her lips. Great. Glad she was happy. "Now, if you stop the Edward Cullen brooding, you might actually enjoy the party we're about to go to." First she drags me to this thing. Then she compares me to that shit stain of character development. What could possibly be next?

"Hanji, I don't think you understand." I stopped walking and turned to face her. She stopped too and I placed my hand on the back of her head, forcing her to look at me. "These are college kids. It's gonna be shitty beer and loud music and obnoxiously loud girls and brutish guys."

She shrugged out of my grip and continued walking. "Levi, if you just lighten up you might have a good time." Yeah. Sure. "It's a distraction, right? Plus you get to meet new people." I was about to tell her that she really wasn't selling the idea to me, but then she stopped. "Too late now anyway, this is it."

We were stood in front of door 4B and the soft hum of music could be heard behind it. Before I had the chance to turn and walk straight out of there, Hanji gripped my wrist as if expecting it and then reached out and rapped on the door with the other hand. After a moment, a blushing Armin opened it.

"Hanji! Levi!" He sang happily. The soft pink blush settled on his pale face was obviously from the fact he appeared to be already tipsy off whatever he was holding in his other hand. A cheeky grin was settled on his face, blonde hair tied up again, but messily this time with a large front section down. "Come in, let's get you guys a drink."

Hanji returned his smile and entered, pulling me along after her, only leaving a split second for me to kick the door shut with my foot. After having an beer shoved into my hand, by Hanji or Armin, I wasn't paying attention, I turned to see the people around.

It wasn't how I imagined it to be. It certainly wasn't like the college parties I had previously attended. The music was softer, indie I guess being the right word. More my preferred style at least. And despite there not being a dancing beat, there were still two people to the side of the room dancing - if you could call it that. A girl with a long brown ponytail and a dude with a buzz cut were kinda flinging their arms around and giggling madly. Either drunk or high, I assumed. Or both.

Apart from them, the rest of the guests were sitting down. The lounge was scattered in different groups, and I spotted Mikasa by the far wall talking to a tall, bulky blonde and another rather nervous looking guy.

"Eren's on an ice run right now, but he'll be back soon." Armin spoke slightly slurred. He said that as if Eren was the only reason I was here. No, that would be a freak with glasses currently grinning madly beside me. Armin led us through some people, and then stopped in front of one of the ones I recognised. Jean sat on the couch, noticeably not smiling. The grump (because of course I could totally comment on that in a non-hypocritical way) had his arm slung around a smiling freckled boy, with dark hair and a soft complexion. He looked happy enough for the both of them in all honesty.

"Jean, you know Levi." A grunt in reply. Someone obviously wasn't a happy drunk. To be fair, we hadn't had the best of introductions. Still, I couldn't actually find it in myself to care. I didn't reply at all. "This is Marco, and this is Hanji Zoe." Even drunk the kid sounded so goddamn formal. He leaned forwards, grinning at Marco. "She works at Sina Museum."

Marco's face lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. "Oh, I really want to work there!" He exclaimed, stuttering slightly. "When I leave college, that is." Bad move kid, now Hanji would not shut up.

"Oh really?" She had a wicked grin on her face, and took that as an invitation to plonk down cross legged in front of him. When Armin sat down on the floor facing her, leaning back on Jean's legs, I took that as my cue to also sit. I bent one knee and rested my elbow on it, prepared for the basic monologue about the museum.  
  
"I work in the natural science part of Sina, well, actually I'm the head. It's a lot of work, but it's rewarding. It's really fun too, and we have a lot of great people working there too. The department is quite big so there's a lot to oversee, but it's manageable. I could probably get you an interview easy-peasy, depending on where you want to work. I remember when I had my first job interview to work there, I ended up ..."

That's where I stopped listening. Unintentionally, of course. Besides, I had heard this story before. Even though I wasn't exactly listening to the story, I was aware of the gradually growing amount of people listening. Even Jean was sitting a bit straighter, cracking a smile when she obviously got to the funny points. Marco and Armin were in stitches, clutching their sides as Hanji spoke, waving her hands in different directions.

In a way I was jealous. Speaking to people came so easily to her. Liking Hanji was just something that happened, despite how annoying she could be. In my opinion, at least. Interaction wasn't an easy thing for me, mostly because I couldn't go five minutes through a conversation without wanting to bang my head into a wall. But still, some social skills would be good.

It was the same with Erwin really. He was always great at these things, whether it was schmoozing with his work colleagues or just charming the waitresses when we were out, it just came naturally to him.

Wow. I hadn't thought about him for a while. With the switch around of my apartment, there had been less reason to think about him. Every time I came close, I thrust myself into doing something else. But here I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to him. I took a swig from the bitter tasting beer and the ache in my chest had started again.

I needed to get of here. I needed to get home. I needed to be home in my bed. I needed to just stop and breath for a second. I needed - "Fuck, I need a cigarette." I blurted out before I could think about what I was saying. There was probably a story I had interrupted because about five pairs of eyes flicked towards me, varying degrees of confusion, or concern, or whatever on their faces.

"Oh." Armin sat up a little straighter, paused to swig from his cup, wince a little at whatever its contents was and spoke again. "You can smoke out there." He pointed with the hand still wrapped around the cup to the other side of the room. What I had originally perceived to be windows were actually doors, and let out to a shoe box balcony, big enough for two people, three at a push.

I grunted a thanks, and stood up, making my way through the groups of people to the balcony. Immediately I regretted my clothing choices, once again. The skinny jeans were fine, and even my beanie was quite warm. It was the white vest and thin black cardigan that did absolutely nothing to conserve heat that were the problem. An initial shiver racked through my spine

In all seriousness, the balcony was quite nice. There was a bean bag on either side, and fairy lights twirled along the railing I was now leaning against, which suggested the trio spent a fair share of time out here. I couldn't blame them, I would too if this place belonged to me. Still, the lights on the rails were nothing compared to the city lights from the view.

Sina's a relatively small city. It's no New York or anything like that. But all you need is some height and the view becomes breath taking. There were plenty of large buildings, apartment blocks, offices, shops - hell, even car parks - as well as a few skyscrapers. Now it was around eleven thirty at night, and the lights were as bright as the stars we should be able to see, but couldn't from the light pollution. Ironic, I guess.

It occurred to me the city was oddly quiet, as I removed my packet of cigarettes from my jeans pocket and lit up. No sirens, no shouts, no animal noises. Just a gentle buzz and hum of traffic, making it feel like it was just me right now, the rest of the city didn't exist. They were mere background to me, on this balcony, having a smoke. Relief washed over me as the inhale flooded through my lungs. Healthy, I know. I did start to calm down though, the ache in my chest subsiding quickly. My fingers rubbed up alongside the cigarette, out of habit more that anything else, until I stuck it back in my mouth again.

"I didn't know you smoked." The voice didn't surprise me, for some reason. The fact I knew who it belonged to without even having to turn around did, however.

I took a long drag from the butt in my mouth, and then flicked it over the side of the railing., making a deliberate show of the action. "I don't." I spoke, turning to face Eren standing in the door way. He was wearing an oversized tan jumper, that made him look the opposite of large. It hung lower around his neck and I could see his collar bones poking out. His sleeves were down for a change, probably because of the cold air, and hung around his hands.

"But," His face had a puzzled expression, eyebrows pulling together. "...I just saw you?" Was this kid even real? Did he not understand sarcasm?

"Just forget it, brat." I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Besides, don't you have a party to attend to? Why aren't you inside?" My eyebrow lifting as I questioned him. It was true though, Mikasa was probably wondering where he was.

"Why aren't you inside?" He countered, a cheeky grin replacing his look of confusion. I was beginning to think this boy was an actual five year old. Eren moved from the balcony door way and sat down by the edge of the balcony, legs slotting between the rails. "And I don't know. I'm not really feeling a party tonight. Plus you were out here." He shrugged.

"Ever thought that I can out here to avoid talking to people, kid?" I asked, but there was no harshness to my voice. In fact, somehow a smirk had wormed its way on to my mouth. After a moment, I sat down next to him. He didn't look at me. His green eyes were on the city like mine had been just moments before. The city lights practically glistened in those orbs.

"I did think that," Eren admitted, holding on to the railing. His slender fingers wrapped around the metal and he looked down, hair flicking in his eyes slightly. "But then I realised I didn't care." His eyes crinkled from his smile.

A scoff was all I could manage in response to that, any other words or response escaped me. He seemed to take this as a cue to carry on talking, a different topic this time though. "I come out here a lot, y'know?" His glance shifted towards me, and I gave him a pointed 'do tell' look. "When I need to think. Clear my head. Alone time is good sometimes. You look like you'd get that."

  
"And what is that meant to mean?" His eyes widened slightly when he realised that what he had said probably sounded rude. I wasn't bothered by it though, he was right mostly, and my monotone voice showed that.

"It's just, I always seem to see you by yourself, you know? At the museum, the night club, that time we had lunch. Seeing you with Hanji was the first time I've ever seen you with someone else. You seem to value alone time. I mean, hell, you're at a party. You could be talking to anyone here right now, and yet you're in the one place where there aren't any people." Eren spoke without pausing, but his words weren't rushed. He spoke like he'd thought about this a lot, and I couldn't help but wonder if I had been on his mind.

No, Levi. Stop that. "Weren't any people." I corrected him, rolling my eyes again. "Now you're here, where's my alone time now, huh?" I was joking, and Eren seemed to understand that. But his reaction wasn't what I had expected, nor particularly wanted.

"That's the thing though. Being alone is good sometimes, but it shouldn't be a permanent thing. I don't think that's healthy." He began swinging his legs, dangling in between the railings. "Loneliness isn't a nice feeling. But it's not like it's hard to escape." He mused.

What would he know about loneliness? He had his buddies in the other room, that seemed glued to him one way or another. "I'd watch where you're going with this, kid." I warned, my gaze drifting off past the sky line once again. I wasn't lonely.

"I - I didn't mean anything by it. I was just ... talking." And then he stopped. Talking that is. For a moment I felt like I had kicked a puppy, because he was definitely giving off that vibe. But the silence didn't last for long, because this is Eren we're talking about. "Aren't you cold? I'm freezing." My eyes traveled back to him to find his already on me.

  
"No." Yes. I was freezing. I didn't want to go inside though. Sit next to Hanji as she stunned her crowd of eager listeners. I didn't even want to drink the free alcohol provided in there. Hell, I just didn't want to be here.

  
"Really?" He squinted slightly, in disbelief. A hand rose and pushed its way through his chestnut hair. "I mean what you're wearing doesn't look very warm." I saw his eyes travel down my torso and that smirk tugged at my lips again.

  
"Wow, couldn't come up with better excuse to check me out, huh?" I commented, and watched the panicked blush rise on his cheeks.

"I - I, no! Levi, I was just - I thought you were - I was wondering if you were cold because that cardigan looks pretty thin and - argh." The boy let his head fall into his hands and groaned, visibly embarrassed.

I couldn't suppress my quiet laugh as the kid squirmed. It was far too funny for that. Eventually the guy let his face peak out from behind his hands, a paler shade than before. Instead of the mortified expression, he was smiling, a large, wide grin that pushed his cheeks up. His eyes were as bright as before though, still as green as ever. "You should do that more often."

"What? Make you uncomfortable?" I asked, doubt creasing my eyebrows. "Well, it was pretty fun. But you seem to do it enough yourself, I don't really need to try honestly."

"No, laugh, moron." He shook his head as if I was missing an obvious point. And who was he to call me a moron? "You have a nice laugh."

My response was merely a shove to the shoulder. It was playfully, jokingly of course. But a little rougher than perhaps necessary. He jolted, but moved back into his originally position without batting an eye lid, still with a beaming smile. I wasn't smiling, but I wasn't frowning either. That was probably a good sign.

A little while passed, and we sat in silence. He looked at the view. I alternated between the view, the party inside visible through the glass door, and Eren himself, trying to decide what to do. Eventually I stood up, and Eren's head flicked towards me. "I'm fucking starved, brat, are you hungry or something?"

The cogs seemed to take a little while to turn in Eren's head, but soon enough he leapt to his feet. "Yeah, I could eat." He grinned, running a hand through his hair and stuffing his hands into his pockets. He hovered over me slightly, almost expectantly. Fucking tall people.

"C'mon then, let's see if a drive through or some shit is open." I moved past him and back into the main room of the party. I didn't need to turn around to see if Eren was following me. He disappeared for a second to tell Mikasa he was headed out and I told him to tell Hanji I would be back later to pick her up, seeing as I had driven. After that we left, the noise of the party growing more and more distant as we walked towards the complex's car park.

 


	6. Late Night Phone Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only a day late so no biggie. And I know it's Monday but I haven't slept yet so I'm still classing that as just one day. I'm also using the fact it's 3AM currently as an excuse for any awful mistakes you find, so feel free to point any out in the comments and I'll be sure to fix them. 
> 
> As per usual, your comments and feedback mean the world to me, thank you. I'm thinking of making a playlist for this fic to write to, if I can somehow manage to find time. If I do, I'll post it next week as a feature. 
> 
> Hope you like the chapter, I quite like it. Quite simple, fluff ensues. As you already know my tumblr is sorrows-stark, be sure to follow for any updates or if you just wanna talk. About the fic or whatever. I also track the tag; fic: empty handed. In case you lovely wanna reach me there. 
> 
> Remember to comment, or whatever. Thanks for reading, until next week - Kat.

"You drop so much as a crumb in my car, and I will end you. Understood, brat?" My car was stopped in the car park of some fast food restaurant, a portion of fries balanced on one knee and an unhealthy amount of barbecue sauce on the other.

Eren paused for a moment, checked his surrounding area for any mess. So far, he was safe, but at the rate he was devouring that burger I doubted he could possibly keep clean. The kid was munching like he hadn't eaten for days, and I couldn't help but stare with some amount of odd fascination.

He finished the burger, licking each finger afterwards and only then turned to look at me, as if shocked to see I had been watching. "What?" He asked hesitantly, wiping his hands on a napkin, checking once more to see if my car was still in immaculate condition - which it was.

"Did that even touch the sides?" I asked, eyebrows raised. "Is that how you students afford such a nice apartment, y'know for college kids? You just skip on food instead." I lazily dipped a fry, loading it with so much sauce it was practically quivering under the weight and then biting it before it could topple on to my jeans or something.

"Ha, no." Eren smiled hazily. He took a long sip from his drink before placing it back in the cup holder. "My dad pays for it actually." Eren noted. The sleeves of the long tan jumper came down again after he said that.

"Awful generous of him." I muttered, not unkindly. Just not loud enough for it to be considered an actual part of the conversation. Of course Eren replied anyway though.

"Not really." Eren shrugged. "It's his way of apologising. It's a nice enough gesture, but it's not working. I won't forgive him. I have a feeling Mikasa might be budging though. I won't blame her if she does." That sounded personal. Did I really wanna be getting into personal? Eren didn't sound phased by talking about it.

"Apologising?" I asked, making sure my voice sounded as equally bored as before, despite my curiosity having just gotten the better of me. Eren let out an audible sigh, but didn't look irritated at all. He lent his elbow on the arm of the car door, and then his head in his hand, turning his head to look at me.

"It sounds like a sob story really." He laughed, but the sound was humourless. "My mom died when I was fifteen, Mikasa too. It was real sudden. My dad threw himself into work. At least I think he did. He went on 'business' trips the whole year round, and Mikasa and I got a cheque in the mail once a month." He looked away suddenly, his eyes a little wider than before.

It occurred to me how little we actually knew each other, and I'm pretty sure the same thing was ringing through his mind. Eren looked like he thought he had said too much, worried that he'd unloaded too much on to me. The strange thing was though, it didn't feel that way at all. The only thing I didn't want was for him to feel uncomfortable after sharing this.

Eren didn't look like the kinda kid to have been through so much. It really didn't show, through the grin that was nearly always plastered on his face, through the mischievous glint in those green eyes of his. While it wasn't very obvious, I seemed to be coming more and more aware of how much more mature Eren was than he looked. It was like what he had said about loneliness on the balcony before we came here.

"My parents died when I was sixteen." It wasn't like a competition. That's probably how it sounded, but not what it was meant to be like at all. I don't know, I thought it would be comforting for some reason. That it meant I understood where he was coming from. Instead it probably sounded like I was making it about me, self centred, arrogant, piece of -

"Oh." Eren's voice distracted me from my thoughts. "I'm really sorry." Ah. That was the part I had forgotten. You were supposed to say sorry after someone talked about a dead relation. I never understood that. It wasn't like it was their fault.

"Don't be." My tone was far colder than I had meant for it to be. "I was a boarding school brat. Barely knew them." That wasn't quite true. I had lived with them until I was eight, but even then they weren't around much.

"Boarding school?" Eren sounded intrigued, and his face looked far more relaxed now, brow less furrowed, lips not as pursed. I nodded. "What was that like?"

"Strict." I shrugged. "Boring. I got in trouble a lot." Eren snorted, and I shot him a look. "What's so funny, brat?"

"No, just surprised." His voice was drench in sarcasm. "I mean, if you spoke to teachers anything like you do to me, I'm surprised they let you stay." He joked, grinning again.

"I got on fine with my teachers, thank you very much." I glared at him, eyes narrowed. "Not all of us have a problem with authority like you." The retort was lame, but Eren still feigned hurt, while I began packing our rubbish into the empty order bag, ready to bin.

"Problem with authority? I have no idea what you mean." He held a hand to his chest, like my words had been metaphorical bullets. He couldn't keep it up though and started smiling again. I was just glad he was happier now the conversation was less somber. "Even though that's not true, if it was you wouldn't even have anyway of knowing it. And if the teachers weren't the problem, what was?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Gay kid at an all boys, very rich, very snobbish boarding school. You do the math."

He was about to speak, but paused. The cogs in his head were working slowly tonight. "You're gay?" An actual laugh escaped my lips.

"The boy's a genius!" I cried out, leaning on the steering wheel. Eren looked slightly put out at this, but not genuinely angry.

"Hey, I try not to make prejudgements! And you've never mentioned it before," Soon he was smiling too. "Wow, you must have gotten the shit beaten out of you." Eren commented, pushing hair up, out of his face. It was no use, in a few seconds it would fall into his eyes again, I was sure.

"I did," I said almost monotone, recovered from my earlier slip. "Until I learnt to fight back. And then I got in trouble. Not that they got punished in the first place, but when one of their 'star' pupils turns up with a broken nose, I'm a nuisance."

"I can imagine. It was pretty bad at my school, I guess. I got trouble in school a lot too. Starting fights was my forte - if you couldn't tell from the other night. It didn't take a lot to get me mad, I'm more lenient now really. But still, I won't stand for some things, like bullies. Never liked people picking on the weaker ones." Honestly, I couldn't picture Eren losing his temper while sober.

"Thank God for Armin and Mikasa though," He said as an after thought. "Without them, I would have been expelled within my freshmen year probably." This really didn't seem to piece together with the Eren that was sitting in the passenger seat of my car. All awkward and toothy smiles. I couldn't work out why this other side to Eren interested me to no end.

"They do seem to put up with a lot from you ..." I mused, earning myself an elbow to the ribs. All I had to do as a reaction was raise my hand and Eren jumped about a foot in his seat. I wasn't quite sure what to make that. "Speaking of those two," I spoke through exaggeratedly gritted teeth. "We should probably get you back. Hanji's most likely wrecked the apartment and charmed all your friends into thinking it looks better that way."

Eren laughed, and nodded, proceeding to do up his seat belt, nudging me to do the same. Which I did, however begrudgingly. "Can you drive quite slowly through the city though?" He proposed, leaning forwards and extracting a rather large padded bag from underneath the dashboard. "I brought my camera; I think I might be able to get a few good shots of the city."

"Whatever, brat." It had been a long day and my bed was calling. The faster I could get home the better, but I was willing to drive slowly if it kept the kid quiet. Which it did. Judging by the smile left on his face after the camera was put away, he must have gotten some good photos. I made a mental note to check his blog later.

 

***  
  


  
"Could I get one black coffee and a hot chocolate with a shot of hazelnut," The barrister at Coffee & More was one that hadn't served me before, which was odd seeing as I came here nearly everyday now, and my lunch hour didn't change much either. Must be a new employee. Tall, with blonde hair cut neatly around his neck. He smiled practically commercially and pressed my change into my hands. "Thanks." I muttered.

I walked towards the table at the back, the one Eren had bumped into me at, and the one we'd been sitting at since. A week or so had passed since the party and the Monday after Eren had texted me asking if I wanted to grab coffee during my lunch break. I had no reason to decline, so I went. And I went the day after. And the day after. And now it was Friday. So what, the brat was growing on me.

Eren arrived just before our drinks did. He didn't even use a greeting, instead he ripped the chair opposite me backwards, and sat down before dropping his bag to the side of the table with a thud. "So, guess what?" He grinned.

I looked up from where my head was currently resting in my hand. "What?" I asked, with possibly as little enthusiasm as I could manage. Although that wasn't exactly a hard task. The brat could be talking about anything from seeing a dog on the way to class that morning or winning the lottery. Small pleasures, I guess.

"My professor wanted to speak to me after class today," He paused as our drinks arrived. "Hey Thomas!" Eren waved to the barrister from earlier and earned a nod, and unsurprisingly another grin. "Anyway, she's putting up an exhibit at the University and she'd like to feature some of my photos there!"

That was certainly not seeing a dog on the way to class. That was actually ... well, something. No wonder he was grinning like a mad man. A smile like that was infectious, and the slight twitch on my lips proved that. "That's really good, kid." I took a sip of my coffee. "I mean, the lady must be blind or something, but I'm happy for you nonetheless."

He kicked me playfully under the table, green eyes possibly even brighter than before. "Blind or not, my photos are going up, I don't even care." He beamed. "You'll come to the gallery opening, right?" Ah, I was beginning to know those puppy eyes well. "It'll be formal, but you don't have to even dress up if you don't want to, I mean, yeah, you might look a bit out of place, but that doesn't actually matter. And there'll be food and stuff and probably free champagne and -"

"If I agree to go will you shut up?" I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my seat, pressing my finger tips to my temple. "I can literally feel a headache coming on." I couldn't. But, whatever.

"So you'll go?" Eren grinned, wrapping his fingers around his hot chocolate - because God forbid he drank an adult drink.

"Yeah, give me the date and I'll see if I can make it." There was literally nothing on my calendar, of course I could make it. But Eren nodded contently anyway. And then the conversation moved on, to something Armin had said that morning. It was hard to keep up with this kid a lot of the time.

The lunch went the same as any other, we spoke about pointless things and eventually the hour was up. "I better get going," I announced, standing and beginning to put my coat on. It wasn't as cold as it had been recently, so I was without scarf, but I wasn't leaving my coat behind with my luck.

"Levi ..." Eren began and I answered with a look. Well, not so much as a look, as a glare. "Could I come and see the book store maybe? I won't get in your way I promise, I'm just interested."

"Interested in what?" There wasn't that much interesting about the old book shop, whether that was merely my thoughts after working there for so long, I wasn't sure however. I guess it was traditional, and quaint. It looked nice in the evening with the low, warm yellow light shining on old pages. "It's just a book shop."

"I just wanna see where you work, that's all." Eren's smiled changed slightly, and God fucking dammit, this kid was learning to play me. "Please, Levi."

I stood still for a moment. "Get your fucking coat on then, we don't have all day." I huffed, and the brat leapt from his seat.

 

***  
  


  
The walk to the book store was spent in silence - on my part at least. Eren chattered on about random things, as per usual, and bounced along side me, following like an obedient puppy or something. He was definitely as excitable as one. Before we left he had removed his camera from his place and hung it around his neck instead. When I asked why, he said that you never know when you're gonna want a picture of something and it takes too long to get it out otherwise. Long story short, he's an actual dork. And now the camera swung slightly side to side around his neck.

When we reached the bookstore, I watched Eren pause outside. The sign read "Pixis' Books" seeing as that was the old man who slept in the back. There were windows on either side, with old paper backs stacked in rows. Those were the one dollar book sections. Every so often we did those blind date with a book offers too.

Eren didn't say anything as he stared up at the sign, but I saw his mouth form a tiny 'o' shape. For once in the time I'd known him, he didn't speak, but merely reached for his camera, flicking off the lens with ease, like the motion had been committed to memory. The snap of a shot being taken sounded. "This place is perfect for you." His eyes moved from the sign down to me and I was granted with a smile.

"Tch, it's just a store, kid." I brushed him off, pushed open the door and stepped into the doorway. "Are you coming in or you just gonna gawk outside for God knows how long?" I deadpanned, holding the door open. He hesitated for a second, flicking through the photos he had taken on his camera, before bounding in, entering before me.

"I have some work to do, so just do whatever you want. It's gonna be pretty boring though, kid. Not sure why you came along." As I spoke I manoeuvred to seat myself on the stool *behind the counter. Eren was already looking around the store.

"Are you kidding?" He exclaimed as his eyes trailed along the high shelves of books, wonder laced within the green orbs. "This place is awesome. You're so lucky you work here." I grunted in reply as Eren set off towards the back room. I'd leave him to explore for a while, I guess.

He was right really. I was lucky to work here. I did love it here, and how many people got to work some place they loved without having to worry about money? Because let's face it, this place didn't exactly pay well.

It wasn't exactly a bright day outside, clouds were blocking the little sun we were getting, and the book store had an amazingly cosy feel to it. The lights on the walls weren't very bright, more of a warm yellow. Odd books lay around everywhere, and the shop dissipated into different levels and rooms. There was the back one, currently housing the non-fiction, plus Eren. Classic novels and other fiction was held in the main body of the shop that you entered through the door, and a few steps upwards to the left, took you to a mid-floor with poetry and plays. And now it was my job to unpack the new arrivals.

I had one arm full with books and the other placing one in one of the shelves when I heard the click. Slowly turning my head, I saw Eren smiling sheepishly, camera held just below his chin. I raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry?" He apologised like it was question. It was evident from the grin on his face that he was in no shape or form sorry, but said it nonetheless.

In return I just sighed. "I don't even care, brat." I turned back to placing the books on the shelf. "It's still creepy, but I'm used to that with you." I snarked smirking slightly. "Just take photos of what you want, doesn't bother me."

I took the sound of another click as a sign he heard me, seeing as I didn't get a reply before. "You just have a really good profile ..." He murmured slightly, obviously distracted by his camera or finding angles or whatever it is photographers do.

"Thank you?" I turned to look at him, a doubting look on my face. And click. That must have looked awful. Yep, his sniggering confirmed it. Awful. "Just don't get in my way. Some of us adults actually have work to do, you know." I barged past him, moving to the poetry section and shelving another couple of books.

"Hey, I'm an adult!" He argued, ignoring the steps and stepping onto the level. Damn those long legs. Not everyone could be a fucking giant. Although I guess he wasn't that tall. Just average really.

"An adult who drinks hot chocolate but not coffee." I muttered, knowing full well he could hear me.

"You can't measure how much of an adult someone is by whether they drink coffee or not. That doesn't mean anything. I'm mature." Eren leaned on the middle shelve, lower than he others so he could comfortable rest his arms below him.

I audibly scoffed at that, much to Eren's frustration. He was about to reply, but was distracted again, looking up. I followed his gaze and saw a the window in the roof of this part of the room. A very little amount of light was shining through, but it still beamed onto the books, causing a nice effect. Click. And then it was captured forever.

We continued like that for a while. I did the bits and pieces needed to keep the shop in order, while Eren followed and occasionally snapped a picture of anything he thought deserving. I pretending not to notice when he pointed the camera at me. It must have been sly in his mind or something. Sometimes he'd wonder off and return like he'd never left.

Eventually, after a few hours or so, my shift was over and it was time to go. I told Eren to wait by the door while I poked my head into the back office. Like I thought, Pixis was sleeping. Instead of waking him, I merely exited, flipping the sign to closed as we left.

"I really like that place," Eren commented, walking besides me with his hands in his pockets. His hair was a mess as usual, but by now I think it would look strange anything but. "If I come back, will you kick me out?" He grinned at me through a side glance.

"Depends on my mood. And how much of a brat you're being." I played along and saw him nod, almost as in agreement.

"Okay, that's understandable." He laughed."Well, I should probably be getting back now." He paused walking looking down at his feet.

"Yeah?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow then?" It might have been my mind playing tricks, but he looked almost hopeful when he looked up at me again.

"I'm giving you a lift, brat. You live on the other fucking side of town, God knows how long you'd have to wait for a bus." Jesus Christ, this guy was an idiot. I didn't wait for him to respond, I just began walking to my car again.

"Are you sure?" He asked, hesitantly. "I mean, don't go out of your way. I can get home just fine, honestly. I'd hate to trouble you-"

"Get in. The fucking. Car." I stared point blank at Eren, my eyes sharp until I opened the drivers door and got in. I guess it worked because a second later the passenger door opened and Eren slid in beside me. "And don't bullshit all that 'I'd hate to trouble you' crap. All you do it trouble me, kid." I smirked, so he knew I was joking.

The laugh in response was worth it. "Yeah, yeah, I guess, I do." He leaned back into the seat. "That's not gonna be changing any time soon though, I hope you know." Eren tilted his head towards me.

"Oh, joy." I deadpanned, pulling the car out of the parked space.

 

***

 

"You remembered the way to my complex." Eren pointed out, sleeves rolled up around his fore arms, which were currently folded across his chest. Evening had slowly drawn in as we pulled into the car park of his apartment.

"No shit." I replied, putting the car into park. I had always had a knack at remembering where things were and made my way back to them easily. I guess Eren's place was no different. There was a lull in the conversation after he didn't reply.

He spoke eventually though. "You can come in, if you want to." Eren shrugged, sounding casual for once. "Armin's made dinner tonight, so you'd be safe from Mikasa's cooking." He pulled a face where his featured all squidged together for a split second.

"I'm alright." I said too quickly. It was like my mind was so used to declining invitations my tongue complied to decline before I had time to register whether I actually wanted to do something or not. I was lucky in this case it wasn't something I especially wanted. "Now get out of my car."

Although slightly disheartened, Eren didn't look actually upset at my refusal. He did however, get out of car after giving me a warm smile and a wave. To which I responded with a nod before he shut my door and I turned the car around.

As I expected, he was still standing on the pavement when I circled back about, waiting for me to leave. I rolled down my window and slowed the car to a halt as I passed him. "Hey brat," After hearing my words, Eren leaned forwards slightly, hands on his knees so he could look through the window. "Congratulations for today .. the gallery photo thing, I mean." His eyes lit up at the mere mention of it.

"Thank you," He smiled sincerely. Chestnut hair slowly dropped into his face and his pushed it backwards. There was a pause, as if he was trying to find the right words to say. I guess they didn't come, because he settled with "Goodnight Levi."

"Night Eren." I replied, pulling away from the car park and into Sina.

 

***

 

It carried on that way for a while. The days when Eren didn't have a clashing class, we got coffee and go back to the book shop until I closed up. Sometimes we'd eat out or I'd just take him straight back to his apartment. He tried to coax me up to stay a little longer some days, but I'd declined so far. I didn't feel like invading his space just yet. Besides, Armin and Mikasa were probably trying to chill or something.

When Eren had classes, or I couldn't make it that day for some reason, we would text. Well, we texted most days anyway. He would send me little updates on what was happening in class. Sometimes he'd text me when he was bored in the evenings. Or stupidly early in the morning, that I only saw because I hadn't actually managed to get more than a couple hours of sleep that night.

But I never texted him first though. I'm not sure why. Maybe because Eren always started conversations when he wasn't busy. He probably wouldn't respond if I did anyway. Or because I didn't actually need to talk to him at that point. Either way, I just responded to his messages, I never instigated the texting. Until one night, that is.

 

***

 

I hadn't gotten coffee with Eren that day. Not sure why. I had just gotten back from the book store when I heard movement inside my apartment. I'm not sure why I wasn't nervous. Instead, I just opened the door, lacking any hesitation. Nothing felt wrong.

He was sitting on the couch, head turned towards the door when I entered. Blonde hair parted perfectly, and distant blue eyes fixed on mine. On me. His broad frame was relaxed into the sofa, as if he was meant to sit there. It looked almost normal, with the amount of times I'd seen him there before. It was like he wasn't even gone.

"Erwin ..." His name escaped my lips before I even registered I was moving towards him. I didn't remember shutting the door but I must have, because it was shut. He stood in the same time it took me to cross the room, and then his arms were around my waist like they had been so many times before. Large hands spread across the small of my back, pulling me closer towards him.

My hands held fistfuls of his shirt and I gazed up at him. He was smiling, as if this wasn't a huge deal. It looked like every other time he'd welcomed me home - but it wasn't. It was so different. Because he was actually here. After this amount of time to be in his arms felt familiar, and safe.

But it wasn't entirely right. Like there was a piece of the puzzle I was missing. Still, Erwin looked down at me. "Levi," He responded, tone surprisingly soft. He bent his head, slowly bringing his lips towards mine.

 

***

  
I woke up with a jolt in the middle of my bed, tangled in sheets from my restless tossing and turning. A bead of sweat dripped down my bare torso and I could feel the stickiness on the back of my neck. Disgusting. I always woke up in a cold sweat after nightmares, and this was no different.

But the dream was different in a way. My dreams had never been so real before. I felt cold in a way that made me ache. If I tried I could still feel his arms around me. Not that it mattered - I was still alone in this empty bed, moonlight shining in through the window. It was the only thing giving light in the room, apart from the red glow coming from my phone charger.

I'm not sure why I did it, but my mind needed a distraction. If I focused on the dream for too long, I knew I'd end up with a pang in my chest no amount of liquor could sort out. It was 2:30AM. I had brought up our conversation before I could convince myself otherwise.

_Eren. You awake?_

He replied a few moments later. _I am now. what's up?_

Great. I'd woken him up. _Nevermind kid, go back to sleep._

_you can't just do that, cmon what is it??_

_Nothing, I'm fine, now go back to sleep._

_levi, are you ok? you don't seem it :/_

_I'm okay. Nightmare, no big deal._

_oh shit how are you? d'you wanna talk about it?_

_I'm just peachy, now sleep, brat._

_i'm gonna call you._

I was half way to typing my reply of Don't you dare when my phone started buzzing. "Eren ..." My voice acted as enough of a warning tone when I answered, I didn't actually need to say anything else.

Greeted with an exaggerated yawn, and then Eren's voice of the other side of the line. "Should've known I wouldn't just drop it." He murmured sleepily. "It's like you don't know me at all."

"Yeah, I forgot you're a stubborn little shit." I sighed, trying to get comfortable underneath my covers. It wasn't quite working though. "Nosy, too." My closed my eyes, even though sleep seemed like a distant wish right now.

"Yeah, you got me there. Especially nosy. So what was this nightmare about?" His voice seemed casual on the surface, but there was something underneath. I was pretty sure his concern was slightly evident. When I didn't say anything he continued. "Y'know, when I was a kid, I used to get awesome nightmares about vampires. Sounds stupid I know they're not even real. Especially after the whole Twilight mishap, they're not scary at all. But still, they used to scare the shit out of me. What I'm getting at is you don't have to worry about what it is to me, I won't judge you or anything."

Like I didn't already know that. My steely eyes flickered open and I found myself staring at my ceiling. Seconds ticked by. Eren was surprisingly patient. "It was about ... a person." I gave in.

"A person?" I hummed in agreement to Eren's clarification. "Did you know this person?"

I scoffed. "No, I dream about strangers on a regular basis." Even though he couldn't see it, I rolled my eyes. "I keep telling you, we're not all creeps like you."

Eren snorted a laugh. "Actually, Armin told me studies show that your mind never forgets a face. Every person you see in a dream you must have seen at least once in real life. So technically, you really do dream about strangers on a regular-" I got bored of the rambling.

"It was my ex." Eren silenced himself. "My ex-boyfriend. Yeah." I winced in the darkness. I was praying he didn't probe for more information. Not yet, at least.

"Oh." Was all he managed to reply with for a moment. "Well, d'you wanna talk about that now?" He offered. I shivered at the thought.

"When hell freezes the fuck over, more like." Eren laughed again at that. The sound wasn't musical or anything like that, but somehow it was comforting. I started settling into my sheets a little easier.

"So I take it the nightmare is why you can't sleep?" He asked, almost tentatively.

"Yup." I said slightly bitter. Eren made a noise that showed his understanding. I turned on my side and nestled into my pillow.

"Well," Eren's voice strained as if he was changing his position, and when he spoke again it was normal. "I guess I'll just have to talk until you fall asleep then."

And he did. It started out as a pretty much equal conversation, but then Eren did what Eren did best: talked. Eventually, I couldn't contribute much to the topic, with my eyes falling shut and opening again several times. All I needed to do was the occasional noise of agreement, or a grunt for him to keep talking. I made out some conversation topics. How there was talk of Mikasa moving out. How he was actually really nervous about having his photography in a gallery. The last thing I made out was a goodnight being murmured in my ear before I left the conscious world entirely.

 

***

 

When I woke up, my phone lay in hand still. A single text message from Eren was on the screen.

  
_you fell asleep so I hung up, sorry. you're a v/ good listener levi ;) see you for coffee_


	7. Slumber Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again, apologies. I'm actually moving the official update day here to Sunday. I think it's more likely to be on time that way. 
> 
> As per usual, you can follow me on tumblr at sorrow-stark and I track the tag: fic: empty handed, in case you wanted to reach me there either. Thank you for all your lovely comments, they really do make my day a whole lot better. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter seemed a tad boring to me, so I'd love to hear your opinions on it. Also, question for you guys. Are there any songs this fic reminds you of, or vice versa? I'd love to listen if there is, so be sure to tell me. Until next week - Kat

  
"Please come," Eren whined, bouncing on the balls of his feet. His forearms were leaning on the opposite side of the counter to me, next to my book. That I was still currently trying to read. I glanced up him, his head hovering above me slightly, that puppy dog pout occupying his lips still.

He'd been coming to the bookstore after we had lunch for a while now, and it was about a week since the nightmare incident. I was grateful nothing appeared to have changed since that night. He didn't seem to pity me, at least. Which was more than I could say for a lot of people. I suppose that was a good thing about Eren.

A bad thing was his fucking stubbornness. "Eren, for the last time, no." I stared him dead in the eye, my glare icy cold. And he seemed entirely unaffected. Figures.

"But Levi!" He whined, turning around so his back was against the counter and then continued to sink down against it. "Please? You haven't seen Armin in a while." As if that was something to spur me to come. "You can bring Hanji? Get her out of your hair for a couple of hours."

"Brat, bringing Hanji would be weaving her into my hair, stuck like fucking gum." I sighed. Eren was now out of my line of vision behind the counter, sitting on the floor like a child. "Besides," I pinched the bridge of my nose, finally shutting my book. There was no way he'd let me carry on reading properly now. "Mikasa doesn't even like me, she won't want me there."

"She does like you." Eren countered immediately. It didn't seem like it. Not that I actually cared that much but it did feel like intruding. It wasn't like I felt like Mikasa hated me. But she didn't exactly give off warm fuzzy vibes either. In reality I was thankful for that, the few times we'd been thrust together. No awkward small talk there.

"I can totally see that." I smiled slightly and rolled my eyes. With Eren still out of view, I turned my back and began organising the self behind the counter. Eren didn't reply straight away. Unusual for him.

"Yeah, but I want you there." He really did sound like a kid, trying to get what he wanted. I shook my head slightly, pilling a couple of books into the crook of my arm.

"That's nice, kid. But you're not the one moving out, I'm afraid." I could feel the air tense as soon as those words had left my mouth. Eren didn't reply at all this time.

I put the books down and gripped the edge of the counter. Why had it taken me so long to see? From what I could remember Eren telling me, he'd always been with Mikasa. Her moving out must be hard on him. And if I knew anything about Mikasa, he'd probably gone to hell and back trying to convince her he was okay with it. Obviously it had worked or she wouldn't be leaving.

Great, here comes the part I've never been good at. "Eren," I tried to get his attention by using his name for once."You know nothing's gonna change right?" Silence. "She's your sister, it's not like that will be any different. Plus she's still probably gonna follow you around like a watch dog or whatever." There was a small chuckle from behind the counter. "You have nothing to worry about."

I could hear him inhale from down there, no doubt he was composing himself. Running his hands through his hair, shoving his sleeves up his forearms. Eren things, I'd dubbed them. "Thanks Levi." He spoke surprisingly softly.

I murmured nothing in particular as an acknowledgement, turning towards the front of the shop again. But I could tell he was still waiting something. "... I'll go to the meal." I gave in. Look at that.

Slowly, hands appear on top on the counter, and soon enough the top of his head, messy, chestnut hair flicking stupidly, was visible, followed by his eyes. Those unnaturally green eyes. Right now they held a questioning look, eyebrows above knotted together. "Really?"

"Yeah, fine, whatever, brat." I shrugged. "But you owe me one." He really didn't. Although I'd never say it, the other night on the phone? It had really helped. The stupid kid was there for me when I needed him, and it looked like I'd be doing the same now.

"Yes!" The dork jumped to his feet, "You're gonna have a great time, I know it. Bring Hanji or something."

I probably would. She seemed to get along well with, well, most people. But Armin in particular. And that Marco guy, assuming he was gonna be there. "Just text me the details of where to go."

"I will. And then there's the gallery opening on Saturday night." Eren mused. I noticed how he began to twist his fingers together at the mention of the event. His nerves were becoming more prominent as the date drew closer.

"Oh yeah," I said casually. "Who's going to that again?" I asked, going back to the shelf organising I had abandoned.

"Just, you, Mikasa and Armin." He smiled absentmindedly. Whether it was a reminder that things with Mikasa wouldn't change after all, or just excited for the night, I was glad to see the smile nonetheless.

"Great, hanging out with a bunch of bratty teens for a whole night. So much fun." My voice dripped with sarcasm, and it was worth it to see Eren's eyes crinkle with a proper smile this time.

"You seem to hang out with this bratty teen enough." True, couldn't deny that. "And I'm not a teen. Or bratty." He tried to pout but couldn't keep it up, breaking into a smile again. He leaned with one elbow on the counter.

"You're definitely bratty, kid." I smirked, but before he could reply, I changed the subject. "So do I get to see these photos before they go up?"

"You've probably already seen most of them," Eren shrugged. "Only a few I've chosen aren't on my blog. But you don't get to see which ones I've chosen before the night, no. They're a surprise."

"Well," I turned back to face him properly, instead of craning my head over my shoulder every so often. "I guess I just have to wait and see then." Eren nodded, eyes wandering away, before his legs followed and he was exploring the shop again.

   
  


***

 

The restaurant wasn't one I had been to before, but looked nice regardless. It was an Italian place, looked locally owned. I parked up a little down the street and began making my way into the place. I was a little late, verging on twenty minutes or so, because of the fucking traffic through town at 7:00pm on a Thursday of all days. Mostly I was glad Hanji had made her own way there and I didn't have to diverge to pick her up.

When I walked through the door, I was greeted by the smell of amazing food (something garlic? Definitely tomato) and I realised just how hungry I was. The lights in the room were reasonably low, but candles were placed around in multiple places and on every table. This was probably where all the teens in town brought their dates before trying to do them in their car or something. Romantic.

In all honesty though, it did look nice. Authentic Italian by the looks of it, and an oddly cozy feel. I'd dressed right apparently, with not skinny jeans for once, but actually black dress trousers, a (slightly tight fitting) white button up tucked in to my trousers and black blazer too.

It was easy to spot our group, from the second I entered. The place was relatively empty, an old couple to one side and a family of four in the middle. The group I was meant to be eating with was huge, tables obviously having been pushed together for this occasion, seeing as from what I could count there were twelve of us, and I was the last to arrive.

As I made my way to the group, Eren's eyes flicked up and registered me coming. "Levi!" He greeted, excitedly, pushing out the empty chair next to him. "I was beginning to worry you weren't gonna come." I rolled my eyes.

"I said I would, didn't I?" I said, probably harsher than I should have. "The traffic was a nightmare, getting out of my part of the city." The irritation showed in my voice, and Eren winced and sucked in breath.

"I hate traffic. I get so vexed, sorry you had to wait for it to clear." I merely shrugged in response. "Anyway," Eren began, speaking louder now. "I think you know most people here, but I'll do introductions anyway." He stood from his chair, to point at various people.

"Right, you know Mikasa, Armin, and Jean." Armin smiled and I got a little nod from Mikasa and Jean, which I returned, for the sake of politeness. "Then you know Marco too by now. You know Krista, and Ymir from the coffee shop." Krista gave a little wave, and Ymir grinned, her arm slung over the smaller girl. "Obviously Hanji," In the seat next to me, she reached over and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Urgh, freak." I grumbled, but the remark only made Hanji grin wider as I wiped my cheek, as if she had something infectious. God, it was Hanji, she probably did. Eren laughed slightly, as did a few others around the table.

"And then there's Reiner, Bertholdt and -" Eren began introducing the last three when I cut him off.

"Annabelle?" My voice rang out and people exchanged glances between me and the sharp nosed girl at the other end of the table.

"It's Annie," She corrected, obviously not shocked that I knew her. "Levi." Annie greeted with a nod. Funny, after all this time I had no clue she knew my name. It made sense really, to assume her grandfather (if that's what he was) must have mentioned me in passing at least.

I didn't know really how to reply to that, so I nodded from my seat. "Wait," Eren's confused gaze settled on me. "You two know each other?" His eyebrow was raised.

Annie answered for me. "My Godfather owns the bookstore he works at. I stop by occasionally." Ah, Godfather. That made sense. Eren gave a shrug, and nodded, obviously accepting it as a sensical story. He sat down next to me, and everyone dissolved into their own chatter.

"That's who Mikasa's moving in with." Eren said, conversationally, just as a glass of white wine arrived for me. I didn't know who had ordered but either way I was grateful. I took a sip, and hummed for Eren to continue. "Yeah, they're going into business together. Personal trainers, actually."

"Business partners?" Eren nodded. "Just business partners?" I smirked, casting a glance to the pair. They were sitting next to each other, not in conversation but Mikasa's arm was resting on the back of Annie's chair. She nodded as Armin spoke to her and then turned her head, catching our gaze as if she could feel us looking. Her face contorted slightly into a puzzled glare.

I looked away, as did Eren. "Yes, just business partners." Eren sounded shocked, like he had never even considered the idea before. "At least I think so. She's my sister, she'd tell me. Right?"

I was the last person to ask that question. I barely knew Mikasa anyway. "Who knows?" I answered. Wanting to change the subject, I looked around the restaurant. "How did you get this place to give you a place for twelve people?"

To my, not evident, surprise, it wasn't Eren who answered. The voice came from behind me, after a deep, hearty chuckle. "As if I would ever turn away the Jaegers." I turned to see a tall man with dark blonde hair and a bulky build, a light moustache across his top lip.

"Hannes!" Eren smiled, twisting in his chair to talk to the man. "This is Levi." He nudged me with an elbow, and for the umpteenth time that evening I nodded a well mannered greeting. "Mikasa, Armin and I have known Hannes for as long as I can remember. He helps us out from time to time." That made a lot more sense than just an especially friendly owner.

Hannes clapped Eren on the back. "And I've known the rest of his family for even longer." Eren smiled, slightly absentmindedly. "Hell, I've seen these kids grow up, and now look at them!" Hannes looked proud, and I couldn't blame him. Eren shaped up nicely, wearing a trousers and dress shoes, a plain button up with the sleeves rolled up as usual, and a nice waist coat, giving him shape his usual clothes hid.

"Thanks again, Hannes." Eren looked up at the man, who let out another laugh. I wondered if he was thanking him for the use of the restaurant that night, or if he meant more than that.

"No problem, Eren. Any time, kid, any time." He ruffled Eren's hair and walked back off towards what I figured to be the kitchen. Eren watched him go and then turned to look at the faces around him. From what I could tell, everyone appeared to be having a good time. Hanji and Armin were in deep conversation, Mikasa, Jean and Annie were talking, much less seriously however. Reiner, as Eren had introduced him, appeared to be telling a story at the end of the table - one that had the boy next to him blushing intensely.

"So," Eren turned back to me. "How was the rest of your day?"

 

***

 

  
Soon enough, the food arrived, along with more wine and whatever the others were drinking. The conversation, somehow, became more whole. People stopped talking in smaller groups and eventually the whole table was talking together, people sharing different stories, everyone laughing in time. One or two stories even eased a smile from me.

After a while, once everyone had finished eating, and the chatter had died down, we decided it best to make a move. It was getting late after all. Hannes came out to say goodbye, and was met with many thanks for that evening, and then we all filed out of the restaurant.

"Levi!" Hanji sang, once we got outside to the cool night air. She'd obviously had more of that wine than she had let on inside. She threw her arms around my neck and attempted to get me to swing her round. I stayed rigid though, much to her disappointment. "Kill joy." She pouted.

"Yeah, I am." I rolled my eyes, hooking my arm through hers in an attempt to get her to walk steady. "Let's get you home, then." She replied with a huff.

"You don't have to go home yet, if you don't want to." Eren appeared next to me, making Hanji twist to look at him. "Marco and Jean were gonna come back to ours to watch a movie or something. You guys should come too."

"We probably shouldn't, kid." I answered. He needed time with his friends, I figured we had already intruded enough that night. Eren's features fell slightly, probably unnoticeably to anyone else.

"Pleeease Levi!" Hanji whined by the side of me. "It'll be fun, you know it. Plus you get to hang out with Eren, and stuff." It didn't particularly sound that fun. My eyes narrowed in her direction, but she just grinned sheepishly.

"She's right," Eren mimicked her grin. They were fucking conspiring against me. "C'mon, you can always crash at ours if it gets too late."

I didn't answer. I didn't look at Eren, because for God's sake he probably had that puppy dog smile on his face. Hanji was leaning in, awaiting an answer, almost comically. "Fine!" I relented. "Jesus fucking Christ, I'm a pushover." Still, Eren's grin widened, crinkling his eyes slightly and it was kinda worth it.

"Awesome, just follow us over in your car and then we can decide what to watch." He waved, and ran off towards the four a head, currently working out the best way to pile into their car. Great, another fun evening a head.

 

  
***

  
  
Actually, I hadn't been that wrong. It wasn't a bad night really. It was already around 10:00pm when we got back to the apartment. I'd driven with the windows down, blasting cold night air around the car so when we arrived Hanji was a little more sober, but still just as excitable.

After that we set up for the night. Jean and Eren had an argument about what to watch, which ending with Jean winning, much to Eren's disappointment. He sulked over towards the couch I was sitting on, huffing about how it was his apartment. Definitely not lightly, he dropped down next to me, shifting until he lifted his legs and lay them over my lap.

"Do you mind?" I asked, incredulous. Eren almost jumped a foot in the air at my exclamation. "Your legs are fucking heavy, brat." I complained, but all he did was grin.

"I'm sure you can put up with them for one movie." He grinned, lolling his head to one side. He was right, of course, I could put up with them. It wasn't his legs being in my lap that concerned me, it was when he had suddenly become comfortable enough to put them there.

He waited for my reply. "You keep fidgeting, I won't hesitate to roll you the fuck off of me and the couch." I warned, and Eren laughed, leaning back to rest against the arm of the couch. He mumbled something along the lines of "yes sir" and they put the movie in.

I didn't let on, but we were actually watching one of my favourite movies. I'd been in love with Pacific Rim since Hanji and I decided to see it randomly one day while we were out. Really, I had seen it enough times to know what was going on without even looking, so I let my eyes wander the room.

Eren and I occupied the whole of the sofa, although that was mostly Eren - and his freakishly long legs still across me. It appeared that the bean bags had been brought in from the balcony and Mikasa and Armin were sitting on those. Mikasa was texting, but Armin looked interested enough.

Hanji lay on her stomach, resting her head in her hands, face as close to the TV as seemed possible while still being able to see what was going on. She loved the kaijus. Jean and Marco sat with their backs pressed against the back of the sofa. Jean's arm was subtlety woven around Marco's waist, but not discreet enough that I didn't notice it.

I decided that this was nice. There was no pressure to talk or interact or whatever other bullshit came with being social. But it was still around people. It was nice. Easy.

Eventually the movie came to a close, and everyone began to get up and stretch, try and awaken their numb limbs or whatever. Armin hit the lights to reveal Hanji, still sprawled on the floor, but eyes shut.

"Goddammit," I muttered, crossing my arms. Eyes flickered away from Hanji towards me. "There's no way you can wake her up now. Literally, try anything she won't budge." I didn't mean it, but Marco held out a hesitant finger before poking Hanji's cheek. Nothing.

"How the fuck am I supposed to get her home," I sighed, mostly to myself. It occurred to me the scene might look slightly odd, six people standing around a body. It almost made me smirk despite myself.

"Why don't you just spend the night?" Eren asked, shrugging and settling back down onto the couch again. "Jean and Marco were gonna anyway, we have enough blankets and stuff. Why not?"

"Because I'm too old for slumber parties, brat." I perched myself on the arm of the couch while debating the idea in my head. The others began to move around, Armin going to the kitchen, Mikasa disappeared, I don't know where. Jean and Marco were looking at the rest of the DVDs trying to choose another.

"Well, you're old, I know that." Eren slyly commented, earning him a knee to the back of his head. "But really you should stay. It's no big deal."

"Nice idea, kid. But I don't have any other clothes and this is a nice shirt." I was coming up with excuses now. Eren waved a hand.

"I have clothes you can sleep in." He shrugged. "They might be a bit big though." He smirked. Fucking brat. I glared until he stopped looking so smug. It was just one night. I couldn't take Hanji home now and I was her ride.

"Fine," I growled. "But if I wake up to you braiding my hair, I'm shaving yours." At least then it wouldn't be a mess all the time. Not that it being a mess actually bothered me. I nudged him until he moved over on the couch and dropped down beside him, but he hadn't left enough space and we were too close - I was practically on his lap. He was facing me and I could hear his breathing, clear as day. "Eren,"

He looked as if he'd been shaken from a daze, his eyes losing the glossy quality they'd had before. "Y-yes, Levi?" His voice was unsteady, but he didn't look away from me.

"Move over, you idiot." The laugh in response wasn't forced, but it still had a nervous quality to it. Eren moved over anyway, giving me as much space as I needed. I gratefully accepted and spread out my arms along the back of the sofa, crossing my legs in front of me. Eren on the other hand tucked up one knee to his chest.

The rest of the night past in kinda a blur. We watched another film, some stupid zombie one. I remember it being terribly flawed, that's for sure. I did borrow a shirt from Eren, and pyjama trousers too, but they were too long and I had to roll the ends slightly. No one mentioned it, probably afraid of the consequences if they did.

I remember Marco falling asleep first and Mikasa disappearing, only to return with pillows and blankets. Eren and I kept the couch, top and tailing either end. His legs were much longer than mine, so mine were pushed to the inside of the couch, and his the outside. I'm pretty sure one ending up hanging off the couch as he sprawled.

I remember Eren falling asleep before me. You know how people say people look younger when they sleep? I had always thought that was true, and I guess in most circumstances it was. But not for Eren. He didn't look older, per se. Just the child like mischief wasn't there - was it because he wasn't smiling? Or because you couldn't see his bright eyes? Either way, he looked more mature. Serious. It looked like the weight of his childhood was etched on to his sleeping face. I couldn't help but want to comfort him. I think I draped a blanket over him - that was the extent on which I acted upon this feeling.

I guess sleep followed soon after, but I was definitely the last one to go. Sleeping in new places was always strange for me, but eventually I did drift off.

 

  
***

 

  
Not only was I the last one to fall asleep, but apparently the first to rise too. It was early, not sure how exactly, but the light outside the balcony was still slightly pink so I guessed it couldn't be later than 7:00am. I was glad I had a view of the balcony from here. The city looked possibly even more peaceful than the scene in front of me.

Hanji still occupied the floor. Marco lay on Jean's chest, both breathing in time by the look of it. Armin and Mikasa were huddled under the same blanket. I decided Mikasa looked a lot less scary asleep. I wonder if sleep had the same effect on me.

A mumble from the other side of the sofa caused me to look. Eren was still very much asleep, only roused slightly as he turned to his side, and snuggled further under his blanket. He looked pretty content. It occurred to me I was still wearing his shirt, as I shifted and the scent filled my nose. His detergent made a welcome change to vanilla, it smelt woodish and well, new to me.

Unfortunately, I couldn't stay still for long. Full bladder and all, so I shuffled out from the blanket and practically fell over Eren's legs. It was a good thing that everyone was asleep because it's safe to say that was not the most graceful thing I've ever done. Eren only stirred slightly anyway. No one else did as I grabbed my glasses from the floor and left the room either.

After successfully locating and using the surprisingly clean and well kept (Armin's doing probably) bathroom, I didn't go back to the lounge. There was no point, no one else was up and I wasn't going to be the one to wake them.

Instead, I wandered into the kitchen. It looked pretty normal, not that well decorated but photos were stuck to the fridge with magnets. Intrigued, I walked over to have a look. They were what you'd expect, I guess. Eren, Mikasa and Armin graduating. The boys wearing absolutely disgusting Christmas jumpers. Eren and Mikasa standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, looking much younger, must have been around mid teens.

One photo stood out though, the only photo that included someone else other than the three of them. Eren was in the photo too of course, even as a kid, no older than ten, you could still tell it was him. He looked exactly like you'd imagine Eren as a child, scraped knees and grass stained clothes. Although, he looked less confident. Probably because he was hiding behind a woman's skirt, pulling it to peek at the camera.

The woman, Eren's mother presumably, was beautiful. She had lighter hair than Eren, and it waved past her shoulders. Her smile though, was the same as Eren's. The way it crinkled her eyes was just like looking at Eren. Although her eyes were dark, not the bright green Eren's were.

I pulled myself away from my thoughts, and looked around the kitchen instead. Coffee. That's what I needed. I filled their kettle and found a mug easily, but their actual coffee didn't appear to be on the counter anywhere. "Goddammit," I muttered, opening up the cupboards above the sink, and then the ones next to it when they were empty. Still no coffee.

"Try the one next to the fridge." The voice made me turn quickly, although it wasn't rough, still laced with sleepiness. Armin leaned against the doorway, wearing an large jumper that covered his hands and hung off one shoulder. I was pretty sure it was one of Eren's actually. His hair was tied up in a messy, low bun at the back of his head. I opened said cupboard and lo and behold, there was the coffee. I held it up in some awkward form of a thank you.

Armin moved into the kitchen and sat at the table. "How did you sleep?" He asked pleasantly, letting his head rest on the table. Better than him by the look of it.

"Okay." Nice and blunt. I'd like to blame the fact it's early and my brain isn't functioning properly yet, but that's obviously not true. "Eren fidgets a lot." I mention in passing, spooning coffee into the cup. "Want one?" It feels weird asking someone if they want me to make them coffee in their own kitchen.

"I'm okay, but thank you, Levi." He smiled regardless of how tired he looks. I swore light bags were beginning to form under his eyes. "The others are all still asleep. I was planning on making some breakfast, but then you were already up." I sipped the coffee and it burned my tongue. I take another sip. "Fancy helping out?"

I narrowed my eyes slightly. I didn't, but I was kinda backed into a corner here, as much as I didn't care for delicacies when talking to others (especially when they were trying to get me to do something I didn't want to), I didn't want to be a bad guest. Plus there was something about Armin that made saying no impossible. Whether that was charm or some creepy sort of manipulation I didn't know. "Why not," I sighed, taking another sip.

"Great," He smiled and stood up, moving around the kitchen quickly and removing things from the fridge and cupboards and placing them in the middle of the table. "I was thinking pancakes, egg and bacon? I can do the pancakes and the bacon if you make the eggs." I nodded setting, my half finished coffee down.

We worked in silence for a while, cooking was never really a skill of mine, but it didn't require that much concentration. I was grateful for no awkward conversation though. As close as I was quickly becoming to Eren, I was still quite unfamiliar with his friends. I was hoping it would stay that way too.

Of course it couldn't remain quiet for long. Armin faced away from me, over the stove producing pancakes and shovelling bacon onto a plate. Seven mouths to feed was a lot, I guessed. "He talks about you a lot, y'know." He said absentmindedly.

"I have many talents, but mind reading isn't one of them, kid." I sounded exasperated. I felt it really. Looks like I'll be microwaving the eggs. Not the best way, but Armin was using the hobbs and there wasn't enough space. "Who talks about me?"

"It doesn't take a genius to work out who I meant." He laughed, a light, airy noise. He continued speaking before I could be insulted. "Eren, I meant Eren." A pause. "It's not like he just spends all day talking about you, don't get me wrong. It's just in passing. I'll mention something, and it's like it triggers something in his mind and it relates back to you, or something you said or whatever. And he'll say it, because, well I'm sure you know Eren barely has a brain to mouth filter."

I can't help but smirk at that. It's true. But Armin's words press more than just casual conversation to me. Why Eren would think about me often, I don't know. I'm not exactly an interesting person, and my views on things usually range from annoying to less annoying to extremely annoying. Of all the people to remember things about, I shouldn't be a likely candidate. "It's fine, I knew he was a creep when I first met him." My voice showed Armin I was joking. Although he's still turned around, I'm pretty sure he's smiling.

"If he's so creepy," Armin said, an amused tone to his voice. "How come you're here, right now?"

I knew by here right now, he meant with Eren at all. And the honest answer was, I wasn't sure. I liked being around Eren. The kid didn't get fed up with me, and he was a welcome change to the people I was used to being around. He was just easy to be with. That was probably it.

"I'm here because my friend's passed out on your carpet currently." Armin chuckled, turning around to place the apparently done bacon on the table, next to the eggs. He turned back to the stove.

"True." He nodded. The sleeves of his jumper covered his hands slightly. No, Eren's jumper even. That was definitely one of his. Did the kid not have any jumpers of his own? "Eren's a bit of a handful, I guess." I scoffed. "But, he is a really good guy."

"You don't have to tell me that, kid." I already knew that, quite well in my opinion.

"Just checking," Armin turned over his shoulder to smile at me, but only for a second. For some reason, it didn't look like a warm smile at all. "He'd kill me if he heard me talking like this, but he's been through a lot. I know it doesn't seem like it, Eren's hardly one to feel sorry for himself, but it's true. It's not my place to tell you what -"

"I already know." I don't know why I said that. I knew even less why it felt good to say it, and see Armin falter with confusion for a split second. The fact that I already knew about Eren's past when someone as close to him as Armin expected me to not know anything, was a stupidly pleasant feeling. Leaning against the counter, I waited for Armin to continue.

"Well, then you know he's a lot stronger than he seems." Armin sighed. "Look, all I'm trying to say is that he cares about you, and just, be good to him okay. He doesn't need to be set up for a fall."

Where had that come from? "Armin," I said, my eyebrows furrowed. "I have no idea what you mean." He actually had the audacity to laugh.

"Sure you don't," I could hear the smile on his face when he spoke, even if I couldn't see it.

"I mean it." I moved from the counter to sit at the table. Armin had gotten out plates before we'd even started. Prepared. "I have no fucking clue what you're talking about."

Another laugh. "Then you're just as oblivious as he is then," He turned around and his smile didn't look the way it had before, it was kinder now. Sympathetic even.

"Who's oblivious?" A voice from the door way sounded. Jean, Marco, and a sleepy Eren had stumbled towards the kitchen. How long had they been there for? Jean didn't even wait for an answer before sitting down and speaking again. "We thought we could smell food."

Eren plonked into the chair beside me, bed hair sticking up in different directions. Immediately, he lay his head in his arms, turning it to face Armin and I. He looked as if he was about to say something but paused. He stared at me. "What?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"That's my t-shirt." I looked down on reflex, and sure enough, I was still wearing Eren's plain black t-shirt. It was large on me, but not stupidly so. It was comfortable that's for sure.

"Yeah," I shrugged, placing my hands on the table, just for an excuse to do something with them. Eren smiled a lazy grin, closing his eyes slightly.

"Looks good on you," He mumbled before turning back to his arms and presumably falling asleep. A smirk on Armin's face caught my eye.

 

  
***

 

After breakfast, after Hanji had woken, after I had put my own clothes back on, we left. The drive home was quiet, Hanji still obviously tired and probably a bit hungover. Too much so for her usual exploits. I dropped her back at home, apologised to Mike and left again.

Armin's words were playing on my mind though. Eren cared about me. It wasn't really a shock. The bigger shock was realising I cared about him too. One more person to go onto the list of about, three currently. And although I didn't know what Armin meant by setting him up for a fall, I knew that I wouldn't disappoint Eren. He didn't deserve that. As shitty a person as I was, I realised that I still wanted to be there for Eren, because it was obvious he'd do so for me.


	8. Levi's Apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry but I have a viable excuse this time. I'm a fucking idiot and spilt coke on my laptop and it was out of action for a little while but now I'm back and regular updates should be here. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for comments and everything, a special thank you to SailorHeichou for the song recommendation, of 'Near to you' by A Fine Frenzy It works well with this fic, so I suggest a listen. Also go and check out their works because they're awesome as well. And I'd love to hear if you guys have any songs for this fic. 
> 
> As per usual, my tumblr is sorrows-stark and I track the tag fic: empty handed. I'd love to hear from you guys there. I hope to hear from you soon, next update will be where stuff really starts to go down.
> 
> I'm really tired and still have homework to do, so this will be doubled checked tomorrow sorry for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy - Kat

 

I'd never been to Sina University but I found it easily enough, with it being one of the highlights of our city that wasn't surprising. It was around 8:00pm when I pulled into the car park, large signs pointing towards the gallery opening, with a few attendants dotted around in case you were particularly useless and couldn't follow signs. Fortunately for me, I could. So I parked the car and got out.

I straightened the cuffs of my suit as I walked, rather briskly, towards where the opening was being held. Apparently it was showcasing a professor's own photography, with a handful of other student's pieces - Eren's included. I didn't need to be informed that it was a big deal, it was pretty evident through Eren's buzzing excitement as the date drew nearer. It didn't take a genius to see how nervous he was either. I wondered what he was like now, seeing as the actually gallery part with the photos didn't open for another half an hour.

Apparently I didn't need to wait long though, seeing as I drew closer to the gallery room I caught sight of Mikasa outside the building, phone in one hand and cigarette in the other. As I grew closer she hung up the phone and placed the cell in her black clutch bag. She looked great really. A simple black dress with a short slit up one side, revealing the matching black heels. As well as looking beautiful, she looked deadly. One handed lifted to her mouth and she took a long drag on the cigarette.

"Does he know you smoke?" I asked as I approached, making her look my way. She took a quick glance at my appearance and I get a slight head tilt in approval. I got out my own cigarette in the mean time and light up, inhaling deeply.

"Pft, no." She scoffed, flicking a piece of raven hair out of her face. "I'm very careful to hide it, or else I wouldn't hear the end of it. So you better not fuck this up for me." Ah, Mikasa had really come out of her shell recently. I don't know if it's because she's comfortable around me now, or her disdain for me just couldn't merely simmer anymore, but exchanges like this weren't uncommon now. Usually when Eren left the room or wasn't around for some reason.

"That's fine, I wasn't planning on it." I shrugged, standing sideways next to her now. "The smell will give it away soon enough." I remarked, shoving my free hand into my pocket.

"Well, lately you've been hanging around so much there's always someone else to blame, your stink lingers." She sneered, and I know she's joking. I don't smell. I smell fucking great, okay? "Not that anyone mentions it. My brother wouldn't question a thing that you do."

"Bullshit." I rolled my eyes, and her eyes flickered to me, a smirk playing in her eyes. "First of all, I smell amazing, whether it's of smokes or not. Secondly, your brother seems to have questions about everything." This time she rolled her eyes, like we're taking turns. I completely resent the fact I nearly have to look up to have this conversation with her. It doesn't help that she's wearing heels. "Speaking of the brat, how is he?"

"That's my brother you're calling a brat," She warned, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm aware. You're a brat too." I deadpanned and she shook her head before ignoring my comment all together.

"He's a wreck." A smile worked it's way onto her lips as she spoke. "But excited too. He's like a kid who can't stand still." Silence fell for a second. "I'm really proud of him." She looked away from me as she talked. "This will be really good for him. But I think you should go in. I have a feeling you can calm him down better than I can. I'll be in a second." She nodded firmly, making her decision.

I returned the nod as an agreement before walking into the building. The place had a high ceiling with black beams crossing against it, and white walls that made the place look much bigger than it probably was. A long black curtain was swept across one side, and I assumed the gallery was behind it. Servers with platters circled the room as people spoke, and I was handed a glass of champagne as I entered. Not bad.

It took only a few seconds of scanning the room before I spotted Eren and Armin. Armin wore a small, reassuring smile, his hand place on Eren's shoulder. The blonde's eyes found mine and he gave his friend a nudge, encouraging him to look in my direction.

Which he did. If I thought that he looked good in the dress shirt from the other night, he looked amazing in a suit. It tucked slightly at the waist, giving him nice shape, showing off his height at the same time. His face contorted slightly, breaking into a smile at my arrival, but the smile dissolved into a nervous sort of grimace. Poor brat.

Something was wrong though. It became evident as I crossed the room towards them, sipping from my glass as I went. Once I reached them, Eren smiled meekly. "Glad you could make it," His smile didn't last long though.

"Strange, seems like you aren't. Rather be at home?" I knew that wasn't exactly true, but I wanted to make Eren happier to be here, maybe reminding him how great an achievement this was would help him relax.

"No! Of course not!" Eren stuttered, almost too quickly. "I ... It's just ... It's really -"

"You need to relax Eren. We've seen your photos," Cue a quick turn to Armin for supporting nods. "And well, they're not awful." Eren laughed. God knows I'm shit at this stuff, but at least that seemed like a good sign. "You'll do fine, kid."

Eren took a visibly large breath and exhaled slowly, his shoulders sagging as he did so. I couldn't help but wonder what was running through his head then. His eyes shut, and after what seemed like an eternity, he opened them, a real smile on his face. "Thank you, Levi."

"Don't mention it brat." Really, don't. But everything wasn't right just yet. "Arlert, hold this." I didn't wait for his reply before thrusting the glass into his hand. A confused look crossed Eren's face.

"Levi, what're you-" He stopped talking, as I stepped closer towards him. The formal look of his suit had been completed by some idiot running a brush through his hair. It was neatly parted and flat on either side. It looked awful. It didn't look like Eren.

Without a second thought, I lifted my hand and ran it through his hair, shaking it into it's usual mess. Admittedly, I spent a little longer dishevelling it than perhaps it needed, but I didn't really care. I had thought about touching his hair before, but I had never really had an excuse. It was soft, and slightly fluffy like a child's. I felt his head tilt into my touch as I shook the left side out of its styling, and for a split second I could have sworn Eren's eyes close, the vibrant green disappearing for a second. An awkward cough from Armin made my hand retreat, but not too quickly, accidentally touching the side of Eren's face as it slid out of his hair.

"There," I concluded, stepping away. "Now you look less like an awkward teenager at his first school dance. Congratulations." Eren laughed, his smile reaching his eyes this time. The smile I had been waiting to see.

"Not too bad yourself, y'know." Eren grinned, his shoulders straighter now. Armin passed my back my champagne and I sipped, shooting a questioning look at Eren. "You should wear suits more often, just saying."

Before I could reply, silence fell among the people in the room, someone had ascended to the podium in the corner of the room. "Welcome everyone," A tall blonde woman in a dress suit spoke, hands lying either side of the podium. She smiled widely into the microphone.

I have to say, I didn't pay attention to anything she said. Her voice was too chipper after only one glass of champagne. I saw Mikasa slip in through the main entrance, but I think I was the only one. I was right before though, she looked deadly. Like some sort of femme fatal slipping into her target's event.

Although the image was destroyed when she reached Eren, who threw an arm around her for a second, pulling her in to kiss her cheek quickly. She smiled at him, and caught my eye as Eren turned back to the professor talking. She mouthed a silent "thank you" before turning away too.

The speech was long, and in my opinion, boring. She could have said anything and I wouldn't have been phased at all. It only caught my attention when she mentioned Eren's name, and directed the audience towards us. Eren smiled sheepishly, and gave a curt nod. I was nearly one hundred percent sure he'd practiced that.

And then after a few more words from the woman and then the black curtain was being pulled back, revealing the gallery behind it. There was a zig zag of walls, most likely just put up for the exhibit, that created a maze of pieces. They ranged in size, most hidden from view until you walked among them, as people were beginning to do now.

I saw Eren take a large breath in and release it slowly. We didn't move for a while, until Armin finally spoke up. "D'you wanna go take a look, then?" He only spoke to Eren, naturally. Eren looked back at him, green eyes boring into blue ones. For some reason it felt like they were having a conversation without any words. I wondered, for some reason, if Eren and I would ever get to the stage of being able to do that. And then I wondered why I was wondering that.

Eren bit his lip, dragging his teeth over the bottom one as he debated his actions. Silently, Mikasa slipped an arm through Eren's and nodded at him. Suddenly, I felt very out of place. I couldn't ever imagine ever having someone that a single gesture from them could be so reassuring. Not even Hanji really. "Okay, let's take a look."

And they set off. I followed a pace or two behind them, thumbs hooked in my pockets. Eren turned his head, and gave me a shaky smile, nervousness seeping from it. I flicked him a sure smirk and watched his smile grow to a toothy grin. He was going to do fine, I could tell.

The photos appeared to be broken up into sections, by photographers. We walked in between the thin plaster walls, looking at the other photographers works as we went, until Armin called all of us over, having stumbled across Eren's first piece.

It surprised me that it was one from the book store. It was simple enough, classic novels on the counter, but the corridor in the background was lit with a warm yellow light, and the skylight shone down through one side. The light in the photo was simply breath taking. I saw a couple to my right admiring it, and nudged Eren to show him so. A relieved laugh escaped his lips, not a musical sound but pleasant nonetheless, especially after seeing him so tense all evening.

After that the four of us walked through his section taking a while to take in each piece before moving on. There was a range of photos, obviously. I recognised a fair few from his blog, a view from their balcony in particular, which seemed to be getting a lot of attention.

Currently, we were staring up at one of Mikasa, standing on a beach somewhere. It didn't look particularly old, but not one that I had seen before and seeing as Eren (to my knowledge) hadn't been to the beach recently, it must have been taken before I met him. Which seemed like an awfully long time ago.

It was stunning though. The sky was a light grey, and the wind was blowing Mikasa's dark hair behind her, a few whisps of hair in her face, and that red scarf of hers behind her. She looked deep in thought and not for the first time was I seeing how beautiful she actually was. I wondered what that trip ad been like. Was Armin there too? Where was it? Why had they gone in the first place? Was it an after highschool thing?

The questions probably would have continued if it wasn't for the fact I was abruptly distracted. My feet were taking me away as soon as my eyes set eyes on it, I left the three of them, laughing at something Armin had said.

This photo was one of the ones I was familiar with. Very familiar with. In fact this photo had sparked a lot more than I ever thought it would have, in the moment it was taken. Well, after it was taken. I wasn't actually aware of it being taken. Apart from the fact the brat hadn't bothered to turn the flash off.

It was strange looking at myself on such a large canvas. The image wasn't distorted at all, I could see myself as clear as day. The segments of the photo were what I had admired in the first place, the white, me and my entranced expression, and then the exhibit I had been looking at. For once, I didn't look entirely stoic. It was strange having that on show for so many people, but seeing as these were all strangers, minus Mikasa and Armin I couldn't mind that much.

"If I remember rightly," A voice said, next to me. I got the feeling Eren was stooping slightly to be closer to my ear. "You said I could do whatever I wanted with the photo. So you can't be mad."

"If I remember rightly," I turned to face him, that shit eating grin slathered on his face once again. After not being present for part of the evening, I begun to realise that I had missed it. "You were talking about putting it on your blog. Not a gallery wall." His expression fell slightly. "But I'm not mad."

Eren looked as if he was about to start apologising before he stopped himself, lips still pursed. "You're not?" His eyebrows knotted together, eyes searching mine, making sure I was being honest.

"No," I shrugged. "I'm not." I turned away from him, back towards the picture of myself on the wall. "I like this picture, actually." I didn't need to look at Eren to know how his eyes would light up at that comment. But it was just as rewarding when I did turn. His smile wasn't as huge as normal, but nearly as twice as sincere.

"So do I actually. I think it's my favourite one." Eren hummed, turning to look at the picture too. "Yeah..." He tore his eyes away and back to me. "Definitely this one." I ignored the way my stomach twisted slightly at that.

 

***

  
"It's still hard to believe it actually happened, y'know?" Eren was actually lying on top of the empty counter at the bookstore. He lay on his back, camera held above his head, fiddling with his lens, and flicking through his photos. Meanwhile I was doing actual work, sorting through orders for new books.

"Yes Eren." I sighed, swiveling on my stool to take a glimpse of the idiot, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated on whatever he was doing. "You've mentioned it once or twice." He blushed slightly.

Content with his camera he turned his head and caught my eye, a smile flickering onto his lips. I felt the corners of my own mouth twitch slightly in response. Before I could turn away he brought the camera down from above him and clicked it, taking multiple shots apparently. I brought my middle finger up and he giggled as the camera shutter kept going off. Eventually I just turned back to my work.

"You are a fucking child, Jaeger." I muttered, hearing him laugh at looking back through the photos. Eren's laugh was brash and loud and threatened to ease a smile out of me, however I remained expressionless. It was becoming harder to do that though.

"Yes, Levi." He emphasised my name. Eren didn't say my name often, and it sounded strangely foreign on his lips. I liked it though. "You've mentioned it once or twice." He teased, actually sticking out his tongue when I whipped my head around towards him.

"Did you just-?" I asked, incredulous, watching that cheesy grin break out on his face again, setting wrinkles around his eyes. "You are insufferable." I shook my head, pushing myself up, and away from the counter.

"And yet you suffer on." He could actually look charming sometimes. This was one of those times.0 I swear to God, he was close to winking. Probably would have if anyone but me would have been the recipient. "Are you closing up?" He sat up, innocence eyes back now. Fucking whiplash, I swear.

"Yeah, I'm done for the night." I place the papers neatly on the counter, and began putting on my coat. Eren hopped down and did the same, getting stuck when he couldn't quite push his arm through the sleeve. "Here, brat." I heaved the coat up his shoulders. I didn't wait for him to respond before flipping the closed sign and leaving the shop.

"Hey, Levi?" I rolled my eyes, turning my head towards the kid. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I jerked my head in a weird sign for him to continue. "I don't wanna go home just yet."

That was new. After our days at the bookstore, I always drove him in. Sometimes I would be invited in and coaxed in to having (sometimes actually making) some dinner. But that was usually only when we were later than expected or if Armin wasn't home, and I really didn't feel like going home and eating alone. We never did anything else afterwards. Obviously, Eren wanted that to change.

I glanced at him, his long legs stepping out in front of him as we walked to my car, occasionally kicking at a stone or something on the pavement. "What d'you wanna do, kid?" I asked, mood still surprisingly pleasant.

"I was thinking," He didn't meet my eyes as he spoke, instead looking down the street, at the gently dimming sky above the rest of the stores. Nights were slowly getting longer, lighter. "I wanna see your apartment. It's only fair, you've been to mine countless times." Eren turned back to me, puppy dog eyes on all the way.

"My apartment? Why on earth would you wanna see my apartment." I scoffed, opening the car door once we reached it, sliding in to the driver's seat with ease. Eren did the same, even without knowing whether I had decided on our destination. I took that as some odd form of trust, even though that was most likely just reading into things. "It's boring."

"Can't be boring," Eren said, without missing a beat as he clicked his seat belt into place. "It's yours. I've never known anything about you to be boring." He only paused after speaking, as if hearing his own words ringing in his ears. A light blush rose on his cheeks. I smirked.   
-  
I didn't say anything as I pulled away from the bookstore, but I know Eren was sure we weren't going the usual way. I couldn't remember the last time someone knew had been to my apartment, and the idea of someone seeing it for the first time was strange.

Eventually we pulled into my apartment building's car park and Eren was doing very well to contain his excitement.

That was sarcasm of course. Eren's knee kept bobbing up and down in the passenger seat, a big cheesy grin on his face, and when we got out he was practically bouncing with every step. "Calm the fuck down, you absolute dork." I muttered and he didn't even flinch, just breathed a laugh. "Why d'you even wanna see it?" I asked, opening the door.

Eren shrugged. "It's a part of you that I've never seen before. And I just feel like I'll know you better after I've seen it." Fair reasoning, but it was a little alarming. Eren knowing me better might not be a good thing, he might not want to afterwards. "I wasn't really expecting this though."

We were just in the entrance to my building, near to the centre of the city it was apart of the posh ones. There was a large window occupying one side of the wall, black leather seats to one side and then the desk where I collected my mail from. "Why not?"

"It's very ... modern. Doesn't really fit how you dress." Eren observed, following me to the stairs and began climbing with me. "Or how often you talk about shit. Matches your car though. How come you live in such a nice building but it doesn't have an elevator?"

"It does." I pointed out, still walking up the stairs. "It's just an old piece of shit, doesn't work. It'll get replaced soon though." Eren nodded, suffice with my reply. Sure enough more questions would follow suit though.

  
And they did. I did my best to answer them with some enthusiasm, but eventually even that failed. Although Eren didn't seem to mind. He was just happy to be here by the looks of it. When we reached my door I didn't hesitate to unlock it and step inside.

"Woah." Eren's mouth was kinda a gap when I looked at him. My apartment was pretty nice. The newly white walls were bright and clean, in contrast with the black furniture, with hints of a light, almost clinical blue in some places like the rug or throw pillows. My kitchen was the same, in view because of the open plan, incredibly organised. A large window that reached the floor took up the little bit of wall before the door to the bathroom, and then my bedroom down the corridor had a great view of the central city. Sometimes in the evening I didn't even bother with lights, the city lit the room for me. It wasn't especially large, but it didn't need to be. I was the only one living here.

I slipped off my shoes and placed them on the rack, and stepped into the kitchen, looking for some kinda food. I wasn't very good at the whole three meal a day thing. Dinner was optional most evenings. "I don't have anything in to eat, so if I order pizza, you can-"

I stopped talking when I saw Eren standing behind my counter. He looked at me quizzically, eyebrows raised, concern evident in his bright eyes. "Is something wrong? Are you okay? Levi-"

"Brat." I cut him off, narrowing my eyes. "Get your fucking shoes off my carpet."

He halted. I waited. He looked down at his feet, sneakers still on. I glared. And then he burst out laughing.

"Sorry," Eren apologised, still chuckling, and slipped off each shoe, walking back to the rack I had put mine on and placing his there too. "I just noticed you do that every time you come into my apartment. No matter how long you're staying." He grinned, taking it upon himself to sit on one of the stools by the counter.

"No fucking shit," I sighed, taking out my phone dialing my local pizza place. "It's what you do when you come to someone's home."

"No, it's what you do." Eren smirked, running his hand through his messy hair like always. I fixed him a cold stare, while I ordered our usuals from other nights at his apartment, which only made him smile more. Once I was done, I put the phone down and grabbed two beers from the fridge. "You're place is really nice. Very clean. I don't know what I was expecting really. You even try to clean up our place sometimes."

"Only when it needs it." I murmured. And sometimes it really did need it. "I have, some obsessive compulsive tendencies." That was a slight understatement. But after all, I've never been diagnosed with OCD officially. Tendencies was okay for now.

Eren didn't reply. Strangely enough. I opened his beer for him and took a swig of my own. Eventually he did the same, a thoughtful expression on his face, lips pursed. "Is it difficult? Living with those tendencies?" He looked genuinely concerned.

"I don't really notice it anymore." I said, honestly. "It's kinda second nature. Because I make everything the way I want it automatically. It's only difficult when I can't change something, or if someone messes it up."

It seemed like Eren was processing my results. "I'm sorry about the shoes." He looked up, innocent eyes. Suddenly he looked like he did back in the museum when we first met, worried he had genuinely upset me. I couldn't help but be stunned that he actually cared.

"Relax. No damage done." I walked around the counter and placed a hand on his shoulder, I felt him lean into the touch and I rubbed my thumb over his shoulder blade without even thinking, feeling the muscle I didn't even know was there move as he shifted. I heard Eren exhale a steady breath.

I removed my hand, and realised the gesture hadn't lasted longer than five seconds. I walked to the lounge and sat on the sofa closing my eyes for a second before speaking out. "Have you ever seen Buffy?"

 

***

  
As it turns out, the uncultured swine, had never seen Buffy. And he was equally disgusted that I had never seen Once Upon A Time. So we watched two episodes of each in total. And by then the college student next to me was beyond sleepy, and it was much later than we had realised after eating pizza and lounging around.

He told me had class in the morning so he had to go home, so I drove him and came back. A long shower and a change into fresh clothes later and I was in bed. I slept well that night. It wasn't often I could say that.

So it became a thing for him to come back to my apartment, and we'd watch shit TV and eat crappy food. Not everyday of course. But at least twice a week. I noticed he started bringing his sketch book into the bookstore every so often, and it meant he had nothing to get from his the next morning for class.

Then he started spending the night sometimes. The first time he fell asleep on my couch I didn't have the heart to move him. He looked too peaceful, and in all honesty I was tired, I didn't want to drive him home. So I grabbed a blanket and let him sleep there and went to bed myself. The next morning we had breakfast and he left for class with a grin.

It happened every so often, and sometimes he's end up leaning on me, falling asleep with his head on my shoulder. Sometimes when we slumped he'd doze with his head on my chest.

One evening we were doing our usual, Chinese take out balanced on our laps while I explained how Spike was one of the best characters in Buffy when my buzzer sounded. Eren looked equally confused as I felt.

I opened my door slowly, greeted by the sight of Petra and Hanji, holding wine and - Chinese take out. I actually face palmed. "Levi!" Hanji squealed, pushing the door open enough to enter and grabbing my cheeks.

"Get off, fucking freak." I recoiled, but she placed a kiss on my cheek regardless and walked straight on to the kitchen. Petra shut the door quietly, slid off her shoes and hugged me lightly, a sympathetic smile on her face as a way of apologising for Hanji. She kissed my other cheek and I didn't actually push her away.

"We've missed you," She said sweetly, passing the wine to me and following Hanji.

"I've missed you guys too," I replied, probably too quickly. "But maybe some warning would have been nice." I put the wine down, and Hanji grinned wickedly.

"Never." She hunted around my kitchen for plates and cutlery (I may have rearranged everything since the last time she was here. But that wasn't uncommon.) "We needed the element of surprise on our side in order to co-" She stopped talking, finger frozen pointed from where she'd been talking.

Petra and I turned to see Eren standing next to the shelf the couch stood behind, a sheepish smile on his face. I cursed his messed up hair from where he'd been lying down as soon as I saw Hanji's devilish smirk. "Eren!" She smiled, fixing me a look.

"Eren?" Petra questioned, turning to Hanji who nodded. "So this is Eren! I've heard all about you." She was so pleasant, and polite, beckoning Eren into a polite hug. Why couldn't a certain other friend be as sweet?

"You've been talking about me?" Eren smirked, crouching slightly to hug Petra back, talking over her shoulder.

"I haven't." I shrugged, and jerked my thumb towards Hanji. "She's the one who doesn't shut up, and gossips like an old lady." Hanji merely replied with a hand scruffing up my hair. Bitch.

"I didn't realise you had plans." Eren looked around.

"I didn't." I sighed and Hanji giggled, already opening the wine.

"I can go ...?" He gestured towards the door and before I could urge him to stay, keep me sane around my best friend, said best friend replied for me.

"No way Eren, you're chilling with us!" She shoved a glass of wine towards the kid. Eren didn't like red wine. I wasn't sure when I picked up that bit of knowledge, but I knew it anyway. I smirked as he took a sip regardless. "C'mon, 80s movies night."

 

***

  
The night was pretty good. I had a secret love for 80s films that Hanji obviously knew about, somehow. It took me a while to realise I was surrounded by probably my favourite people in my life, even if I'd never admit it to them at least. It was a good way to spend a Friday night.

At some point during the early morning, halfway through the last movie on the list, Eren's head slipped off my shoulder, jolting him awake. Disorientated and still sleepy he grumbled something angrily, and settled down to sleep again, only head resting on my chest this time.

It was nice really. Eren was warm, he was always warm. He wasn't heavy either, a light sort of weight on my chest. But his soft hair was tickling my neck and it was nearly unbearable. I took a careful hand and brushed it away, into the sweep of the rest of his chestnut hair.

It was like a child's hair. Fluffy, despite how it looked. He must have washed it today or something. Soon enough the brushing motion became natural, and even though my neck was now comfortable, I continued to stroke his hair.

"Unbelievable." Hanji muttered from the other side of the couch, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth and shaking her head. "So oblivious, right Petra?"

Petra was smiling, and not at the film. "I'm sorry Levi," She giggled into her hand. "But she's right."

"Shut it," I hissed, because Eren was still sleeping blissfully it lacked any bite. "Not a fucking word." But the girls just smirked anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of you guessed Eren's picture of Levi would be in the gallery? I'd love to hear your opinion on the chapter.


	9. Milkshakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 3000 hits! Thank you guys so much. Thank you also for all the comments, and kudos, it makes it such a pleasure to write for you guys. It would mean the world if you could share this story too, if you like it that is.
> 
> As usual, my tumblr is sorrows-stark, I'd love to hear from you guys so feel free to ask me anything about this, or just say hi. I'd love to talk to you guys. 
> 
> This chapter. Well, it's a little more interesting than the last few, in my opinion. Little shorter too, but I don't think you'll mind somehow. Be sure to share your thoughts on the chapter. See you next week - Kat

I didn't bother turning off the engine when I pulled up to Sina, as I could see Eren striding along the grass towards my car. He had convinced me to close up shop early, pick him up from the university and take us out to get milkshakes from this diner he knew. Apparently, I'm actually a fucking huge pushover, because I agreed in no time. The brat practically had me wrapped around his little finger.

The closer Eren got I found myself ceasing to hum the song currently playing in my car. He seemed different. Annoyed, more accurate. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, and as he grew nearer I saw his mouth was twisted into a definite grimace. I shot him a questioning look as he practically tore the passenger door open. This was most obviously not the same Eren that had called me about half an hour ago, singing about how he wanted milkshakes. Like I've always said, this kid gives me whiplash.

"Uh," I was about to breach the subject of his obvious temper tantrum when he slammed the door shut, and jerked his seat belt into place. "Jesus fucking Christ, kid. I don't know what's made you PMS but it certainly wasn't my car, so can you calm the shitty teenage angst down please?" The please wasn't as polite as it sounded.

"People are so fucking ignorant." Er. That wasn't the response I was expecting. The vicious swear sounded foreign coming from Eren's mouth, but I couldn't say it sounded wrong. It was oddly fitting with the flare in his bright green eyes. Eren was always passionate, and while usually that came across through his excitement for things, sometimes his temper did get the better of him.

"What happened?" Was the only thing I could think to say. I pulled away from the curb and began our drive to the diner. Eren leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the dashboard and then his head in his hands. I heard him breath steadily for a moment before surfacing.

"Something went down on campus." He huffed, folding his arms and flopping back into the chair. "I only got there when a fight had broken out. Some guy wailing on Jean. Which, y'know, I'm not usually against, especially as Armin told me Jean had thrown the first punch. And he says I have anger issues."

He stopped talking, and I saw his eyes light up again, like a fire dancing. "But then Mikasa told me what had happened." His voice was cold now. I tried to focus on the drive rather than the ominous tone in his voice. I noticed how much tighter I was gripping the steering wheel and loosened up.

"Jean and Marco were just in the quad, chilling like they usually do. And then these guys - these fraternity dudes, everyone knows are dicks - show up and they're just walking past and one of them turns back and shouts 'fags!' at them." I shuddered at the word. I could tell where this story is going, I had been the protagonist in it enough times.

"So Jean gets up and squares up to the guy, and Marco's pulling him back, telling him to just leave it. And Jean asks if the guy has a problem. And of course he does, he tells them that they're disgusting. And of course Jean reacts because hell, he's not out like Marco but everyone knows. And he tells him to say it again, see what'll happen. So the guy does, because he's a fucking idiot and then Jean socks him one, right on the jaw." Eren moved, fidgeting to get comfortable. The anger still present made him practically buzz in front of me.

"And then obviously a fight breaks out. When I turn up there's a crowd and some of our professors are pulling them off each other. And then Jean gets dragged off to talk to the Dean because he threw the first punch. And of course when we try and point out the blatant bigotry here they just dismiss us. I couldn't even put up a fair argument before Mikasa dragged me away." Eren sighed, and pushed his hand through his hair, but the action was more aggressive than usual.

"Good thing too." I muttered, causing Eren to turn to me. "You shouldn't get yourself involved in other people's situations. Most likely, it'll just make matters worse. Just gotta keep your head down and move on."

"Hey Levi?" Eren called out, somewhat bitterly, his voice laced with unusual sarcasm. "Why don't you try following the advice you actually give? Otherwise it's full of crap." He bit, turning away from me. "I mean it, so you can interfere with other people's stuff but I can't?"

I dragged my teeth across my bottom lip, pausing a moment to keep calm. The kid was upset, and getting mad at him wouldn't make it any better. "Sorry, brat. When exactly have you seen me get involved with other's shit?"

"Hm," Eren faked thinking, stroking his chin. "What about that night at the club then? There were four of us there and yet you still got involved. How is that keeping your head down exactly?"

"Eren, I know you probably don't remember much about that night, but you were getting the shit beaten out of you." I rolled my eyes, easing the car to a halt when we reached a red light. "There's a time and place, it's different."

"How is that any different from me helping Jean?" He exclaimed moving towards me slightly. "What makes you different from me in that situation?" Eren's hair had fallen down, into his eyes slightly. And even though he was shouting at me, the urge to brush it away was still there.

I angled my body towards him for a second, the light still red. "Because I have nothing to lose." I stated simply, my face expressionless. "Nothing."

At this point I was calm, I turned back to drive as the light changed from red, to amber, to green. Eren hesitated before replying. "I don't either."

I barked out a laugh, that was crueler than intended. "Bull shit, kid." I sighed. "You have everything. Your friends, your place at the university, your future - I'm not just saying this, brat. It looks incredibly bright. But you get involved in shit like that, it could slip away from you so easily. What if you had been there earlier, joined in and got kicked out? Jean's probably looking at that now. Hell, that could have even warranted a criminal record, assault and everything. For now, you gotta just look out for you, and you could have everything you've ever wanted."

Eren's silence spoke louder than any words he could say. I knew what he was thinking. I was right, but it didn't make any difference, he still wanted to be able to stand up for others. "I know I sound like a hypocrite, but for once can you just trust me, kid? Believe it or not, I actually know what I'm talking about sometimes."

I flicked my eyes in his direction. His head was down, hair covering a lot of his face. But he looked up just in time to meet my eyes with his wide ones before I turned my attention back to the road. "I'm sorry, Levi."

I exhaled through my nose, turning into the diner car park. How I had managed to follow the directions Eren had given on the phone while we had such a strangely intense conversation, I don't know. "There's nothing to be sorry for." I shrugged.

Eren shook his head as I parked the car and cut the engine. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you, you didn't say anything wrong. Can we just pretend this never happened?"

"No," I said honestly. For a moment, a glimpse of fear crossed Eren's face. "If you pretend nothing ever happened after arguments how are you supposed to learn anything from it?" I saw him visibly relax.

"Okay," I saw a slight, innocent smile begin to form behind his mouth, waiting for my reply before he allowed it to be there fully. "Instead, can we move on and go get milkshakes?"

I waited for a moment, delaying the grin bound to appear on his face any second after I spoke. "I didn't drive your scrawny ass here for nothing, did I?" I teased, getting out of the car. Eren disappeared for a moment, as he did the same, but when he resurfaced he was beaming, just like a kid. Nothing new there.

"Good, because they're to die for." I merely nodded in response, walking ahead of him to the entrance. "And hey!" I heard Eren's clambering footsteps as he jogged to catch up. "My ass is not scrawny." Well. He was right there.

 

***

 

  
"I've been meaning to ask you something." Eren drummed his fingers on the table of our booth, only stopping when I aimed kick under the table, and a head jerk towards his chosen instrument. The noise was insufferable. "Well, two things actually. They're not linked. At least, I don't think they are."

I rested my head in one hand for a second, letting my eyes close. "Go on, then. Ask away." I was used to his curious questions by now, so this was nothing new. Although, the actual questions usually managed to surprise me.

"The first is about your apartment." He started, and I looked up. He rolled the sleeves of his grey hoodie jacket up, and leaned forwards. Confident, Eren things. I crossed one leg over the other. "You know I love the bookstore, but that place - well, it can't be the best paying job. How d'you afford such a nice pad? Because, it's really nice."

"You know my parents died when I was young," Eren nodded, listening intently. "Well, we were quite well off, I guess you could say. Hence why I could attend my beloved school." Eren snorted, and even I smirked. "When they died, I inherited that and moved in with my grandmother, also rich. When she died three years ago, I found out she left everything to me." It hurt more to talk about her than my parents in all honesty.

"What was she like?" Eren asked, almost absentmindedly. "Your grandmother, that is."

A genuine smile crossed my face thinking about her. "One of the kindest people I've ever had the privilege to know." I said honestly. "Frail, sweet, old thing. But still made me laugh, like no one else. Honestly, I think we were one of the same. She entered the high society life because she fell in love with my grandfather. But I don't think it suited her. Like me. It obviously didn't suit me. I was the problem child." I smirked thinking about it. "Stories from school followed me home, and I was, a lot of the time, mostly a thing for old ladies to gossip about. My grandmother never cared though. It was probably why she was okay with me moving here, away from it all."

Eren was smiling at me when I looked up from my hands, I didn't even realise I'd been looking at them. "I like the way you smile when you talk about her." Jesus fucking Christ, I shook my head and smirked slightly, because if I didn't brush it off a real blush my actually cross my cheeks.

"So the second thing?" I asked, quickly changing the subject. A strange look crossed Eren's face but was gone before I could put my finger on what it was or what it meant.

"Oh right." Eren coughed into his hand, and rubbed the back of his neck before looking up. "D'you remember that night, ages ago, when you had a nightmare and we spoke on the phone?"

How could I forget? "Yeah, vaguely." That was kinda true, memories were loose when I had begun to fall asleep.

"You said the nightmare was about your ex-boyfriend." Eren looked kind of sheepish. "I was wondering if you could tell me about him."

Fuck. Erwin. I hadn't thought about him in a while, in all honesty. I'd been spending so much time with Eren that the man hadn't entered my mind. He hadn't had time to. I was always messaging Eren, or thinking about something he'd said that day, or hell, half the time at night when Erwin used to creep into my mind there was a boy sleeping on my sofa, and I was too tired from staying up late talking to said boy to think about that man.

But that didn't mean anything. Right? I mean, times like now, when I did think about Erwin, it hurt like a punch to the gut, air left my lungs. Yet Eren was sat across from me, a patient smile on his face, almost sympathetic. And it didn't seem so hard to talk about, even if I didn't want to. "I thought I said when hell freezes over?" I raised an eyebrow at the boy. "What's brought this on anyway?"

"I wanna know more about you," Eren shrugged, as if it was simple enough."And while I wanna know more, I'd say I know you quite well already. I'm willing to bet you haven't spoken about it to anyone, properly at least. And you don't have to now. But maybe start off simple. Just being able to talk about him again."

Eren had shown me many times before that he was more mature than he seemed, and yet he still managed to surprise me every time he voiced that maturity. I sighed, and gritted my teeth. "What d'you want to know?"

"Start simple, shall we?" Eren sat up a little straighter. "What was his name?"

I took off my glasses, rubbing them with my jumper sleeve before placing them back on my face. "Erwin." I said, and it was strange. I hadn't said his name in a long time. "Erwin Smith."

"Never heard of him," Eren grinned, as if he'd made a funny joke. I couldn't help but smirk and shake my head. "How did you meet?"

"We met in a bar." It felt stupid telling it like that. It had started out as casual sex, no more, no less. And then the more time we spent together, the more attached we got. And then an actual relationship formed. "Eventually we started dating. We were together for about ..." It shocked me that I couldn't remember. "About a year and a bit."

"What was he like?" Eren tilted his head slightly, intrigued by my answers apparently.

"Quite cold at times, but not intentionally I guess. An analyst. He thought things through a lot, before acting on them. He cared about a lot of things, his work, his reputation. Me. I guess. I thought so at least." A bitter laugh escaped my lips. "Erwin thought more about the future consequences of things than what was happening there and then." The opposite of the boy in front of me, I thought. "He was very smart, and driven." But at the same time he made me feel safe. And wanted. So it hurt all the more when he left. Not that I said that aloud, of course.

"I'm willing to bet he did care about you." Talking about him in the past tense felt weird. He wasn't dead. He was just gone. Not in my life anymore. I scoffed at Eren. "I can't imagine him not." Eren was serious.

"He obviously didn't or he would never of left." I said, keeping myself composed, still expressionless. Maybe this was getting too personal.

"I don't think that's strictly fair." I glanced at Eren, who held his hands in a gesture of 'hear me out', so I waited. "There are plenty of reasons people leave a relationship. It doesn't mean they don't care about you. What did he tell you?"

"He just said," I paused. "He couldn't do this anymore. Easy enough to grasp what that meant." It meant that I was hard to be around, hard to talk to, hard to understand. It meant that I was a hassle. One that he didn't have to bother with. Eren didn't push that.

A few seconds ticked by without another question, until Eren spoke up. "Do you still love him?"

I hadn't thought about that. Did I still love Erwin? It was safe to say I had at one point. And while I missed him, terribly so, I don't think I did anymore. I missed the person I had thought he was, but apparently that wasn't the Erwin I actually knew. I was filled with far too much, mostly undeserved, resentment for the man, that what ever feelings of longing I felt for him, while potent, couldn't be classed as love. Not anymore.

"No." I stated. It felt final. "I don't."

 

***

 

  
Funnily enough, we ended up at the same diner a week later. Less serious conversation this time however. Eren was in a good mood, telling me that Mikasa and Annie were coming over with some exciting news about their personal training business.

"Is the exciting news that they're dating?" I smirked, sliding into the booth. "Because I'm pretty sure everyone already knows. And you can tell your sister I said that when they make the announcement."

Eren rolled his eyes.Wow, it was like role reversal or something. "They're not together, Levi." He sat opposite me, leaning forwards on his elbows. "Besides, if they were -"

"Hi!" A chirpy voice spoke from above us, and I turned to face our waitress. She had long, dark blonde hair that twisted past her chest. She wore the diner's uniform, of the pink and white checkered mini dress and blue apron. It clung to her, showing off her curvy figure. "I'm Sophie and I'll be your server today, glad to see you guys back so soon." She smiled, almost too sweetly.

Of course Eren ditched his position facing me, and sat up straight to face her. Needless to say, I stayed where I was. An unintentionally charming grin appeared on Eren's face. He looked up at her, hair flopping in his eyes slightly. "You remember us?" He prompted.

"Of course I do," Sophie's smile dropped the customer serving sweetness, and picked up almost an air of flirtatiousness, as she bent forwards slightly. "They boy with the eyes who ordered a cherry milkshake. With an extra cherry on top." That I had been forced to eat. He hadn't believed me when I told him I could tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue, and insisted I had to prove it.

I scoffed into my hand, eyes flickering away from the pair. 'The boy with eyes'. Holy shit, she sounded desperate. It would have been funny, if I hadn't spotted Eren leaning towards her. "The boy with the eyes?" He asked, grin still in place. Sophie was practically swooning, and really I couldn't blame her. Like I said, he could occasionally be quite charming.

"The green eyes." The girl hummed in return. "Surely someone's told you about them before? They're practically bewitching."

What did she know about Eren's eyes anyway? She saw them now, with a flirty gleam in them (because the brat was flirting back) and she probably saw them last week when he was laughing. But she didn't see them like I got to. When they had that mischievous glint in them. Or when he was angry and they flared like fire. Or how they looked when he woke up in the mornings, rubbing sleep from them. Who was she to talk like she knew anything about Eren's eyes?

"Well, the boy with the eyes' name is Eren." He held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Sophie."

"Eren, nice name." She commented, taking his hand lightly. "So Eren, one cherry milkshake again?" Eren nodded, excitedly. "And, er, sorry I don't remember your order ...?" She turned to me for the first time in the conversation.

I met her with incredulous eyes, no reply formed in my mouth. It didn't need to be, because Eren already had one ready. "He had the mint chocolate chip one, so let's try that again." His smile looked the tiniest bit forced now. A welcome change that I bet Sophie wouldn't even notice.

"Righto, one cherry and one mint chocolate milkshake coming right up." She jotted it down onto her pad and then disappeared, curling her fingers in a teasing wave, which Eren returned.

Silence fell upon our booth for a moment. "She seemed nice." Eren commented, putting his thumbs together, twiddling them absentmindedly.

I snorted. "Yeah, you definitely made an impression." I nodded at him, letting sarcasm cloud my voice.

"And what is that meant to mean?" Eren feigned innocence, but it was obvious he knew what I was talking about. But I wasn't not going to spell it out for him.

"She was all over you," I rolled my eyes. "'The boy with eyes." I teased, although Eren didn't look embarrassed at all, in fact he was smirking. "You were no better either, although I don't think you could help it." Despite my joking, there was still an itch under my skin she'd put there. God, she was annoying.

"My," Eren placed his elbows on the table, laced his hands together. "Are you jealous, Levi?" The boy batted his eye lashes and for a moment I thought his play was serious.

And then he collapsed into a huddle on the table, laughing.

"Very funny," I narrowed my grey eyes, smirking at the mess before me. Eventually Eren sat up.

"Sorry, it was too good to pass up." He shook his head, before using a hand to shove his hair out of his eyes. "So anyway, I meant to tell you about what happened to Jean in the end..."

Eren began his story and I could see him moving in front of me, the way he spoke with his hands and tilted his head down every time he made one of his little side comments that he tended to throw into these stories of his. I could see all of that, but I couldn't actually hear him talking. My mind was elsewhere.

He couldn't be right, could he?

I mean, I wasn't jealous.

Was I?

Of course I was. It made sense right? It's natural for friends to get jealous of other people right? It's completely normal to want attention from the people you're close to, and feel jealous when that attention is directed at someone else.

After all, jealousy is a human emotion after, to never experience it would be not normal. Eren, somehow, through this time we've spent together has become one people I'm closest too. A best friend, or something like that. Like Hanji. Yeah, that makes sense.

Fuck.

Who am I kidding?

I don't think about touching Hanji's hair. I don't, willingly, let her sleep on me. I don't think about her eyes. And I certainly don't get jealous when servers flirt with her. Hell, she's had a long term boyfriend for God knows how long, and that's never bothered me.

I don't particularly want to think about Eren with a long term boyfriend. In fact, I really don't want to think about that.

It's funny though. Those little traits Eren does, in a way only he can, like the way he puts his hands through his hair, and rolls up his sleeves, and grins like he knows a secret, I had dubbed those as Eren things. But I guess it seems like I have my own Eren things. Things that are only okay with him.

Like talking about my family. And the stupid jokes he makes about me, ones that I'd kill anyone else for. The way he orders hot chocolate when we go to coffee shops, that are called coffee shops for a reason. The fucking photos he takes when he thinks I'm not looking. Little things I was only beginning to notice now. Because -

"Levi?" Eren waved a hand in front of my face. "Levi!" He said again, concern etching his eyebrows together. "Not gonna lie, you look like you've seen a ghost. Or something worse. Mikasa when she wakes up in the mornings. What I mean is, are you okay?"

I take a moment or two to pull my thoughts from the forefront of my mind, and push them back in a special drawer to be dealt with later. Or never. Never would be okay. "I'm fine brat. What were you saying?"

 

 

**

  
"Are you sure you don't wanna come up?" Eren asked, still sitting in the passenger seat of my car. His hand was on the handle of the door, but he was paused, as if looking for a reason to not get out. I hated that at this moment, I wanted nothing more than for him to head inside and not look back.

"I'm sure, kid." I said for the second time that evening. I hadn't turned the gas off but if he waited any longer I'll have to, or else I probably won't have enough to get home.

"Armin's probably made enough dinner for all of us." Eren argued, however placidly. "We can take bets on Mikasa and Annie's relationship status." He nudged me in the ribs. "Even if they're totally not together." I smirked slightly at that. Poor kid was oblivious, to apparently more things than one. Like the fact I wanted him out of my car. And as my boyfriend.

No. Levi, stop. Until he gets out of the car at least.

"Kid, get inside." I said, not unkindly. "They're probably waiting on you." Eren sighed, smiling softly, although he didn't look entirely happy.

"Goodnight Levi," He said, opening the passenger door and sliding out. I breathed a guilty sigh of relief.

"Night Eren."

 

***

  
I drove home in a practical daze of "oh God, how am I so stupid?" and "how could you not see until right now?", but eventually I reached my apartment.

My current distress at my sudden epiphany was stalled by the realisation that my apartment now had a working elevator. I was grateful to just be able to jam the button of my floor and travel up, instead of having to work my way up the flights of stairs because at the rate my mind was whirring I probably couldn't think and walk properly at the same time and I'd end up slipping and dying in a bloodied mess at the bottom of them. Not that that would be a bad thing at this point. I wouldn't have to think about the fact that I have feelings for the only close friend I've made in the last few years of my life. Great.

Admittedly I was probably overthinking things. But it's me, so what's new there? Dramatics could sometimes be a flare of mine, but I digress.

When the elevator reached my floor, I unlocked and entered my apartment, kicked off my shoes (translate to, took off and put neatly on the rack) and fell onto my couch. I lay on my back, and let my arm flop over my face for a bit. "...Shit." I actually said aloud, even though there was no one else to hear me.

After laying there for too long, I fished out my phone and sent a quick message to Hanji. Because as much as a freak as she was, I needed to talk about this. And my choices were limited.

I have a problem.

Because whether I liked it or not, I had to admit that was true. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had feelings for Eren Jaeger. Crap.


	10. A Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so it's been a month I'm really sorry for that. Thanks for sticking with me if you're still here. I'm not gonna lie and say it's not gonna happen again because it very well might. Anyway, this chapter is a pretty big one. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the surprise. The song used is Tattle Tale - Glass Vase Cello Case and you should listen to it when it's mentioned if you want, I think it fits quite well.
> 
> As per usual thank you so much for your lovely comments. Each one means so much to me, I hope you guys continue to like it. Also, I haven't triple checked it yet, so mistakes may be present. I hope to sort them out soon - Kat <3

"When I told you I had a problem, I expected a text, not a visit." I groaned, walking back into my apartment after Hanji and Petra had turned up at the door. They followed me inside, slipping off their shoes and placing them on the rack as they were accustomed to by now. I simply flopped face first on to the sofa.

"Oh." Hanji remarked at my action. "This can't be good." I couldn't tell if she was talking to Petra or just stating a fact, but soon enough I was being moved slightly, until I was rolled over, my head lifted and dropped into Petra's lap. Her hands began to stroke my hair very softly, and I didn't complain. Her motherly ways were very nearly always evident in some shape or form, it was just more obvious now.

From the corner of my eye I could see Hanji standing next to us. "Hanji, could you make Levi some tea, please?" Petra smiled sweetly, and Hanji left the room.   
  
I was lucky, really. No one really expects an asshole like me to have such great friends, but apparently I do. There was one issue though. I would have to tell them in person about my little crush. Saying it out loud was something I had never intended to do. That made it an actual problem. It made it real.

When Hanji returned, I sat up from Petra's lap. The woman entered with a bottle of vodka from my fridge, grinning.

"Hanji! I said to get Levi tea!" Petra scorned, to which Hanji just shrugged. "Do you really think getting him drunk will help the situation at all?!"

I reached out, took the bottle from her hand, quickly unscrewed the top and took a lengthy swig. After swallowing and waiting for the burn to pass I answered for Hanji. "Yes. Yes I do." Hanji smirked, and took a swig for herself.

"Children." Petra sighed, leaning back into the plush sofa. "I'm surrounding by children."

"Anyway," Hanji dropped onto my other side of the sofa, and threw her arm around me. I squirmed but she remained there anyway. "What seems to be the problem, dear Levi?"

"It's nothing." I kept my mouth buttoned.

"Bullshit." Hanji answered before Petra could. "You don't text me about a problem unless there is one. So spill. We have all evening, don't we, Pet?" Petra nodded, her strawberry blonde hair bouncing at her shoulders.

"Hanji, I am just being a child, okay?" That was true at least. "I can handle it by myself." That was probably true. Hopefully.

"Just because you can handle it on your own, doesn't mean you have to." Petra lay a gentle hand on my shoulder. "We won't help if you don't want us to. But maybe talking about it will help a bit?"

"Yeah," Hanji agreed. "What's the worst that could happen if you tell us?" Utter and complete embarrassment.

I sighed. Grabbing the cushion next to me, I hugged it too my chest. Jesus fucking Christ I was acting like a baby. A few seconds passed and eventually I mumbled into the pillow. "I like Eren ..."

Silence. Fucking super.

"Sorry, what?" Hanji frowned. I groaned again.

"I like Eren!" I repeated, louder this time and a lot more resentment in my voice.

"I know, I heard the first time. I just wanted to hear you say it again." I took the cushion from my lap and smacked it into Hanji's face. She spluttered but laughed all the same.

"Fuck you, Hanji." Petra rolled her eyes at the pair of us. "So, are you two gonna say anything helpful or just make me feel worse about my stupid crush?"

"I don't think it's stupid." Petra smiled this time. "It's sweet." God that was even worse than stupid. "I'm surprised it took you this long to notice though ..."

Hanji chuckled at that. "Me too." She agreed. "I mean, you guys are as thick as thieves. You're obviously smitten."

"Where'd you put the bottle? I feel like I need more from the bottle." Ignoring their statements was obviously the way to go.

"Levi," Petra warned, but Hanji slipped me it anyway. The beauty of having two friends that were the opposite of each other. One gave me booze, the other advice. Although Hanji did give some good advice some of the time. "I don't see what the problem is here."

"Sorry, did you not hear me when I told you that I like Eren? Maybe I should clarify, I mean Eren Jaeger." How could she not see the issues here? Because there were plenty of them.

"Yeah, Eren. He's a good kid, I still don't understand why this is a problem." I just stared her, incredulous.

"Well, that's one for starters. He's a kid. He's twenty one. I'm nearly twenty seven. That means when I'm thirty, he'll only be twenty four." I said that too quickly. I may have been going over the sums in my head since my epiphany.

"Ah, but when you're seventy six, he'll be around seventy. It doesn't sound like that much of an issue then does it?" Hanji pointed out, crossing one leg over the over and grinning at me.

"Exactly," Petra agreed. "Besides, six years isn't that much of a difference. Is he mature?"

"Tch, no." I rolled my eyes. "He acts like a child most of the time." I didn't mention about the wise words he occasionally spurted. Or the fact he was probably a lot more mature than he came across, because of his childhood.

"Well, okay so his maturity. That's one issue. What else?" Petra sounded as if she was making a list. She was getting it wrong though, the issues weren't with Eren. They were with me.

"I don't even think the kid's gay, or whatever." I shrugged.

"Ha," Hanji snarked. "I think you're okay there, Levi. I bet something's gone on between him and Armin before." I pretended that the image of the two together didn't make my skin itch. First the waitress and now this, when did I start getting so jealous? It's not like Eren was mine to be jealous of anyway.

"Okay. Maturity. Questionable sexuality. What else?" Petra prodded, and I stayed silent for a moment.

"Even if he is queer," I bit my lip. "He probably wouldn't be interested anyway."

"Why not?" Petra sounded accusing, as if I had insulted her instead of myself. I guess when you're close enough with someone it feels like the same thing.

"C'mon Petra, this isn't gonna turn into a sob story or whatever," I shook my head. "But let's be realistic here okay? I'm an old dude, who works in a shitty bookstore, smokes too much and drinks probably more than he should. Eren has everything in front of him."

"Jesus Christ, Levi, stop being so melodramatic, you're only twenty six, we've covered this." Hanji whined, flapping her hands as she spoke, nearly knocking off my glasses in the process.

"I think you're too hard on yourself." Petra tucked her feet beneath her on the couch. "Levi, Eren is besotted with you. Now whether that's because he returns your feelings or he sees you as a good friend, he likes you a lot, and obviously loves spending time with you. If he does like guys, then I see no reason as to why he wouldn't be interested."

Although the words were comforting they didn't really strike any particular tone with me. I still wasn't right for Eren. But, as everyone can guess, I'm a selfish prick at the best of times and I was beginning to worry that my insecurities wouldn't be enough to keep me from trying anything.

"Thanks," I mumbled finally. "Both of you."

"Our pleasure." Hanji smiled and Petra nodded too. "Now who feels like grabbing something to eat?"

 

*** 

 

 

 

"So what was their announcement?" I asked, as Eren leaned over the counter while I priced books. Today he was wearing another large jumper, a big gray one, dark jeans and his converse as usual. He had picked up my beanie off the counter and put it on and God I wished he hadn't. It made him look even more attractive, if that was even possible. I looked away quickly.

"Something about an offer for their business." Eren shrugged, until a smirk grew on his face. "So they're not dating." I wasn't sure, because as he spoke I had turned around to the filing cabinet behind me, but from the humming noise he made I was sure he had poked his tongue out.

"No," I rolled my eyes. "They just haven't told you that they're dating yet." Eren was about to reply, but at the same time as I spoke the store bell chimed, alerting us we were no longer alone. Which wasn't a great thing. Eren didn't notice my lingering gazes, but that didn't mean this customer wouldn't. God forbid they'd say something. It just meant a little more self control than usual since I had discovered my feelings for the brat.

"Who's dating?" A monotone voice spoke from behind us, and I was surprised to realise I recognised it. I saw Eren blush a deep shade as he turned to see Annie and Mikasa enter the store.

"Mikasa!" Eren sounded pleasantly surprised, but there was still an element of panic in his voice that might have only been evident to me as we had literally just been talking about the girls before they entered. "Uh," He stuttered slightly.

"Jean and Marco." I lied quickly, using the same deadpan voice Annie had opened with. When had I become so familiar with his friendship group? Enough so to know that these two were a completely acceptable pair to fit the 'Dating but haven't told anyone' description.

"Well that's obvious." Mikasa spoke for the first time since entering the bookstore. She gave Eren a considerably warm smile and I was somehow graced with a smirk of sorts.

"If you don't mind my asking," Eren shoved a hand behind his head and grinned sheepishly. "What are you guys doing here?" Mikasa's head began turning, taking in the bookstore as she did so.

"Annie wanted to see her Uncle," Sure enough Annie had already walked silently to the back room. Mikasa ceased her looking and moved towards Eren. "And I wanted to see the place my brother's began to basically live at." She aimed a playful elbow into Eren's ribs, causing him to jolt with a yelp.

  
"It is a nice place, isn't it?" Eren smiled, and shot a look at me, chestnut hair that was poking out of the beanie falling in his eyes slightly. I wanted to brush it out of them so badly, but I caught Mikasa's eye which lead my brain to realise that no, that would be a bad idea. I couldn't tell if I was now seeing things, but it looked as if the corner of her mouth turned up slightly.

"It is quite nice actually. Perfect for Levi." Mikasa ran her hand along the counter while she walked the length of it. She picked up one of the books stacked at the end of the counter and began flicking through. Although it was evident that she wasn't actually reading it. I merely quirked an eyebrow in response, before steering the shelving trolley from behind the counter and began rearranging the shelves of the poetry section.

Eren and Mikasa chatted idly while I worked, and I kept an absentminded ear in their conversation. Seeing as they knew I was here, and I was the one who had walked away it didn't count as eavesdropping. Not that there was anything note worthy to eavesdrop over. Until I caught Mikasa's eye again.

The topic change was evident from Mikasa's change of tone. Her voice was louder and more pointed, as if she was annunciating things further now. "Hey, Eren you remember my friend you met? The girl, Hitch?"

"Yeah, short hair, right?" Mikasa nodded and Eren eyed his sister carefully. "What about her?"

"She was talking about you the other day," I couldn't help but pause. Quietly, I sank to my knees as if to sort the lower shelf. It meant I could listen in more discreetly, now I was hidden from their view. "She was wondering if you wanted to see her tonight, for dinner or something. I think she's pretty into you."

Silence from Eren. From my spot behind the shelf I couldn't see his expression. Was he happy about this? Part of me hoped he looked just plain disgusted by the idea of possibly dating this girl. Fuck, all of me hoped that.

"Uh," Eren began. "That's nice, Mikasa. But Levi and I have plans tonight."

So he wanted to go. But he was already committed to me. Well didn't I feel like a burden.

"But you and Levi hang out all the time." Mikasa pointed out. True. Would this date honestly make Eren happy? "Come on, when was the last time you went on a date?"

"I don't know, a while back." I stood up from the behind the bookcase to see Eren shrugging. "But it doesn't matter, I'm busy tonight." He stated simply.

"Levi, can you please talk some sense into Eren?" Mikasa turned to me. What was she playing at? She couldn't possibly know, could she? And if she did, why was she being such a bitch about? It didn't seem like Mikasa at all, from what I had seen before.

"Mikasa, don't bring Levi into this, I -" But Mikasa didn't let him finish speaking.

"Why? Aren't your plans with him the reason you won't go?" Eren didn't reply. "So if it's fine with Levi, why shouldn't you go?"

Because it wasn't fine with me. Not at all. We hadn't even planned anything particular for that night he had just asked to hang out, and of course I agreed. Him bailing on me wasn't even the problem. It was just him being with her.

Was this honestly fair? Eren wasn't interested in me and if there was something, or in this case someone, who would make him happy, well, isn't that what I wanted? No. I wanted Eren. But I also wanted to see the way his green eyes lit up when he smiled and meant it. And if him dating this girl is what it took to see that, then so be it.

"Because have you ever thought -" Eren crossed the room, turning his back to Mikasa and I, leaning on one of the lower bookcases that was just the right height to rest his elbows on. He ducked his head so his face was completely out of our view.

"Go." This time I was the one to cut him off. Mikasa's head flipped around to look at me, black hair spraying as she did so. Her eyes glared at me. I raised my eyebrows. This is what she wanted, right? She merely shook her head and turned back to Eren, who's head had slowly began to rise.

He turned slowly, a mixture of shock and confusion on his face. "What, Levi?" Eren's voice sounded a lot quieter than I remembered before.

"I said go." I saw Mikasa stand up and slip into the back room out of the corner of my eye. Something about Mikasa not being around made it all the harder to go through with this, make sure the kid went. "Hanji called and invited me out." Lies. "I forgot to tell you." More lies, but my expressionless face sold them easily.

I pretended not to see the hurt on Eren's face. It stung like a slap to my own. Had I made the wrong choice? It only took a second for Eren's senses to kick in and he was grinning again but I had never seen something look so forced in my life.

"Ha, oh, well okay." He let out a shaky laugh, while reaching up and pulling my beanie off of his head. His tan hands were shoved deep into his pockets after he deposited my hat on the counter. "I guess ... I guess I'll go tonight then." He smiled again and I did nothing.

"You're gonna go?" Mikasa asked as she entered the room once again, this time with Annie in tow. Eren nodded, eyes flicking away from me and to his sister. "Perfect. Well, we're heading out now, so I'll see you later, Eren?"

"Actually," Eren's eyes darted back to me and for that second I wondered why the hell they called eyes the window to the soul because I couldn't tell what the fuck he was thinking right now. His eyes didn't leave mine as he spoke. "I think I might leave now too. Gotta get ready for tonight after all." After he finished speaking and what seemed like an eternity, his eyes drifted to the floor.

Mikasa nodded, and linked an arm through her brother's. "Well, see you around, Levi." Her voice had more of a somber tone to it, for what reason I just couldn't place.

"Yeah, bye Levi." Eren joined, allowing his sister to direct him out the door. Annie followed, a puzzled a look as she could manage on her stony face, which basically represented my current feelings.

I waited a few moments, the last few moments replaying in my head. Jesus Christ I'm an idiot. Why couldn't I just be honest? Why couldn't I have said "Eren, don't go out with that girl, go out with me, regardless of all the reasons you shouldn't." Because I'm a fucking pussy that's why. And now Eren was gonna go out and have a great time with this girl, on a date that I had pushed him into and I was never gonna have a chance.

And then I kicked a stack. Books toppled to the floor, thankfully none of them damaged that I could see, merely clattering with a lot of noise, spreading along the ground. I didn't pick them up right away, my compulsive mannerisms distracted by the need to settle my heart rate, slow my breathing that I hadn't even been aware was rising.

Instead, I sank to the floor, head resting against the shelf next to me. Who was I kidding? I never had a chance anyway.

 

 

***

 

 

By a stroke of luck, I had been out of alcohol at home. Nothing at all, Hanji had drunk me dry. I was also feeling too drained to go out and buy any, so unfortunately for me at the time I would be spending this night sober.

That was unfortunate actually. Images of Eren and that girl, even though I had no idea what she looked like, kept filling my mind, and I wanted to scratch at my brain. Pour bleach into my ears in hopes of numbing the pictures. They weren't even bad things. The pair having dinner, smiling like Eren had at me during Mikasa's moving out meal. Or them holding hands as he walked her back to her apartment. Or worse still, them sharing a kiss at her doorstep.

It was easy to tell I was in too deep. If they became a couple, I was beginning to think avoiding Eren completely would be the only way. As much as I'd rather have Eren as a friend than nothing, I wasn't sure if I could handle having it shoved into my face everyday. I was becoming far too much of a jealous person for that.

So that would mean not hanging out with Eren anymore. And I'd go back to having two friends. Although something told me Eren wouldn't just drop it, let me slip away. I'd probably have to lie to him. Tell him I'm moving. Or actually move away. It'd be better than explaining my feelings to him and watch the realisation and pity hit his eyes at the same time.

What if someone else told him before I had the chance to find an excuse? Hanji and Petra knew, but they weren't really the problem. After today's encounter, I was certain Mikasa had her speculations, and then went on to be a giant dick by setting him up with a date. I mean, I knew I wasn't right for Eren but that was a bit far. She could have at least waited until I wasn't present.

Then there was Armin. Now I knew about my feelings for Eren, the conversation the two of us had shared in the kitchen that morning now made complete sense, and Armin knew I liked Eren. Trust the brat to know before I did.

But what would they gain from telling Eren? Keep me away from him? That seemed like a pretty smart move to me. Or maybe Hanji was right, maybe Armin and Eren had been a thing, obviously not anymore or Eren wouldn't be out with Hitch as I pondered this, and that's why he would tell him, in hopes they could back together.

I let out a groan, taking off my glasses and rubbing my eyes probably too hard. The front of my hair was sticking upwards and I was in the process of smoothing in down when my phone started ringing.

It was on my coffee table, face down, vibrating and playing that stupid Nicki Minaj song Hanji had set as my ringtone. Who the fuck was calling? I remember Hanji telling my she was out with Mike tonight. Petra never rang me usually, just texted if she needed me, which wasn't even very often.  
  
Hesitantly, I put my glasses on and grabbed my phone. By the time I did this it had stopped ringing, but I figure that didn't matter much. Until I saw who had been trying to get a hold of me.

  
Missed Calls (1) : Eren Jaeger

Fuck.

What did he want? Surely he was busy? It was only 7 o'clock. He couldn't be done with dinner already. I mean, God, I hoped he was. We might even be able to hang out some more tonight. Unless he just wanted to talk about Hitch all evening. I don't think I could stand knowing it went well. See? Selfish prick.

I dialed Eren back quickly, and pressed it to me ear. While I waited, I gathered my knees to my chest on the sofa and wrapped my free arm around them. He picked up after three rings. "Eren?" I asked, surprised by the concern in my voice.

"Levi," I realised that his voice was exactly wanted to hear at that moment, regardless what had happened with Hitch. He sounded almost relieved to talk to me, and the thought nearly made me take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I know you're out and everything-"

"I'm not out." I answered too quickly. He replied with a pause. "Mike took Hanji out. I'm just at home now." Trying to sound casual wasn't working very well. "What d'you want?"

He didn't answer straight away. "Can you pick me up?" Eren asked, and he sounded like he was wincing. "It's just Hitch drove me here, and now I'm leaving it wouldn't be exactly fair and I don't wanna talk to Mikasa just yet. I'm sorry."

I am a bad friend because the only thing I gathered from that, was that the date with Hitch hadn't gone well. It was important, okay? But not as important as sorting out Eren. Good thing I had stayed sober tonight. "I'll be there in ten minutes." I heard him sigh like a weight had been lifted. "Where are you?"

 

 

***

 

 

"Thank you so much, Levi." Eren smiled, shivering as he got into the warmth of my car. He was wearing a black jeans and dress shoes, a white shirt was pressed but untucked. The brightness of the white made him tan skin really stand out. It was easy to tell he'd put a bit of effort in tonight, but it didn't matter. He always ended up looking good somehow.   
  
"Don't mention it, kid." I spoke without any feeling, pulling away from the curb quickly. "Just back to your place, yeah?" He nodded. We sat without speaking for a while, until Eren began fiddling with my radio until my CD that was currently in there began playing.

_Breathe into my hands,_   
_I'll cup them like a glass to drink from_

"What's this?" Eren asked, curiously, obviously liking the song. I guess it was intriguing, not my usual choice of music.

"It's called Tattle Tale by Glass Vase Cello Case." My reply was simple. Although this was one of my favourite songs. A short silence followed and I decided to be the one to fill it this time. "So, date not go well?"

Eren waited. "No." He shrugged, smiling regardless of what he was thinking about. "No, not really." We came up to a traffic like, and I took the break to give him a look, raising my eyebrows. "What?"

"You don't have to talk about it, brat." I sighed, turning back to the road as we began to move again. "But I was expecting more than that." Eren laughed slightly, turning his head to look out the window. The profile of his face was a distraction, particularly to my driving. But from this angle I could see the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he was about to speak. He stopped himself though. "Was it her?"

He looked back at me and I looked back at the road. "Her?" Eren seemed confused for a moment, as if he had forgotten what we had been talking about. "Oh, no. She was pretty cool. Funny, easy to talk to. No, she was a nice person."

"So you're the problem then." I deadpanned but he caught on to my joke anyway, chuckling a little.

"In a way, yeah actually." I gave him a pointed look. It probably looked like I wanted him to go on, but in reality I was just thinking how on Earth could this brat next to me, be a problem to anyone. Apart from me, for making me feel this way about him. That was a big problem.

"Well, I was the one who left early." He tilted his head to one side. "But I was still the problem. I don't know, I was just kinda distracted. Had other ... stuff, playing on my mind. She was nice and all, but just, not what I want really." Eren slightly ducked his head, as if it would hide the light dusting of a blush on his cheeks. It failed.

What do you want? I thought to myself. "It's not like you to be distracted." This time he looked at me. "I mean, you go through topics quickly, and like to point random things out. But you're usually entirely focused on the people you're with. It's when you're distracted I know something's up. So spill."

Eren's smile wasn't the goofy grin it usually was, this time it was subtle. Honest. And just for me and my words. "I don't know." His voice was followed by a slightly strained laugh. "I guess, I just had somewhere else I would rather have been tonight."

_Are you still, still breathin'_   
_Are you still,_   
_Breathin'_

It was a good thing I had pulled up to his apartment block just as he began speaking because if I had missed the way he was looking at me now I would never have forgiven myself. Those green eyes had such a mixture of emotion in them it was so hard to understand. He looked happy. The smile on his face was real, I had grown to be able to tell, but there was still something about his eyes that gave off a feeling of melancholy. And it made me want to take his hand. Tell him it would be okay.

"But that doesn't matter," He shook his head as if actually trying to dispel his feelings. In all honesty, the kid sounded tearful. "Anyway, I should get going." His hands fumbled with his seatbelt, and then the car handle. He didn't meet my eyes again. "Thanks again, Levi."

And with that he got out of my car and walked towards his building. Except he didn't go inside as I began to pull away. He never did. He waited and waved, although Eren wasn't waving right now. He leaned against the wall, legs crossed and arms folded, until my car turned around and then he deflated. He looked defeated, shoulders slumped and head down.

I don't know why I did it, but I stopped the car. I unclicked my seatbelt and crossed the parking lot. I should have gone home. I should have seen Eren wanted to be by himself. But there was something about this kid. Hell, there had always been something about this kid. Something that I meant I couldn't just leave him alone. Not like this.

"Levi?" Eren looked up from the spot on the ground he'd been staring at as he heard me approach. His voice sounded hoarse. "What d'you -" And I cut him off again, like earlier that day.

Only this time, as I stepped towards him, I cupped his face with both of my hands and pressed my lips to his.

For a split second, I was worried he wasn't going to do anything. Him pushing me away, disgusted would probably have been better than him simply standing there as I kissed him. But after a moment I felt the shock subside and his hands grip my waist. His mouth moved against mine, lips as soft as I hate to admit to imagining.

I pulled away though, keeping Eren's face in my hands as I did so, stroking my thumb across his cheek ever so gently. Eren's eye's fluttered open and if I thought I could see a mixture of feelings in his eyes before, then now there was no way to describe them. Bright, wide and staring at me. His mouth was in a little 'o' shape and it took a lot for me not to just kiss him again. We breathed in time, chests moving together.

Seeing as he was obviously too stunned to say anything, it was me who said the last words of the evening. "Goodnight Eren." I whispered, as he closed his eyes, almost as if he was savoring the moment. I knew I'd be marking it to memory.

Then my hands fell from his face and I stepped away, leaving him there. I reached my car and didn't look behind me as I left, because God knows I'd probably turn around again. As I drove home, I thought that, it didn't matter what happened now. I'd had a perfect moment. It was enough.

 


	11. Four days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Present to all of you guys, finally an update.Not too particularly fond of this chapter, and I haven't thoroughly read it through but I hope you like it and have a great holiday! - Kat

I hadn't been to Sina Museum in a good while. It was a place I went to clear my mind, and while it wasn't like I hadn't had a lot on it lately, I had fallen out of that habit. Now was a good a time to start again as ever seeing as, God, did I have a lot on my mind.

The events the day before yesterday were still very prominent in my mind, but I could tell they were slowly fading. Soon enough I wouldn't be able to remember how his lips tasted on mine, or the way his cheek felt cupped in my hand. Without even thinking, my fingers went to my lips, lightly brushing them as if looking for traces of the memory left, but came away with nothing. Instead they drifted down to my side and found my phone in my pocket instead.

My slender fingers swiped across the screen and opened the last message Eren had sent me. It wasn't like it was the tenth time I'd read it or anything.

the university's set up a course for me to do today but it's all day so I'll see you tomorrow maybe

Tomorrow. Maybe. I couldn't pretend that the message didn't sting a bit. Part of me wondered if there was even a course taking place or if it was just an excuse to avoid me after the way we parted on Wednesday. Regret was playing on my mind just as much as the actual kiss was.

Eren had kissed back. I knew that. I had felt that. But had he wanted to? Was it just a reaction? He didn't push me away. No, not only that but he had held me. I remembered the feel of his hands around my waist, but the memory was becoming looser like his grip before we parted.

I grimaced at the memory, fighting a blush from my face. My legs were wandering through the exhibit without my consent. I kept my hands shoved into my pockets, and my head down, not even making an attempt to pay attention to the displays.

No matter what the result of that kiss was going to be, it had been a great kiss. I wasn't sure if it was the pent up feelings that had been put into that kiss that made it all the more unforgettable, but I was pretty certain to if I were kiss Eren again, and oh God, I was hoping, it would be just as good. Maybe it was just Eren. The passion that always lay just beneath his skin was there, and it surfaced every so often, when he tugged at my waist or the way his head moved towards mine as I pulled away - a motion I kept replaying in my head over and over.

But he was oddly gentle at the same time. It felt like he had understood the sentiment with the way, once the shock had passed, he kissed back. All soft edges, with the space he left between us. I say he left between, because if he had pressed against me, I wouldn't have complained. Hell, I probably wouldn't have been able to pull away when I did. The space felt like a mile really, despite my lips being attached to his. There was a heat under the innocence of the kiss that I couldn't ignore.

The realisation hit me, causing my feet to stop pacing, but I kept my head down.

I wanted to kiss Eren in every way possible.

I wanted to kiss him again, like I had before. Gently, because I could. Only the next time my stomach wouldn't feel like it was turning inside out.

But that wasn't the only way I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him desperately, with fingers clawing on skin and hands knotted in hair. Kiss him so intensely it would feel as if everyone else stopped existing.

I wanted to kiss him first thing when he wakes up, because he looks so delicate and sweet in the mornings. Sweetly, with the knowledge he would be there again the next morning, and the morning after that.

I outwardly let out a groan, removing my hands from my pockets to smooth over my undercut, feeling the soft bristles under my fingers. Gently, I sank onto one of the benches in the middle of the room. God, I had it bad.

"Someone isn't looking too great." I recognised Hanji''s voice without even turning around. I heard her shoes against the marble floor as she walked towards me and stepped into view.

As usual her glasses were perched on her nose, slightly tilted one way. Her hair was in it's trademark bird's nest of a ponytail. She sat down next to me, folding her arms over her argyle sweater, the elbow pads of her jacket poking outwards. Even though it looked like something my grandfather used to wear, she was still oddly stylish. The grin usually on her face was replaced with a smaller smile, bitter sweet looking.

"Well, you see I just remembered that I had agreed to get coffee with my, er, friend. And the truth is she's a total freak, I don't know why I ever considered actually goi-" I had began to get up, smirk on my face as I quipped at her, to pretend to walk away. But she cut me short.

Without a word, she reached for me and pulled me into a hug. Slipping her hands under my arms, holding them around my waist, she rested her head against my chest. Her dark brown eyes slid shut.

At first, I misunderstood the sentiment. Hanji always seems to know when something's wrong. Sometimes words aren't even necessary, she just knows when I need her. As much as I hate to admit to needing anyone, I would rather need Hanji's support than anyone else's. She obviously knew that I needed her now.

After the my brain kicked in and my confusion subsided, I wrapped my arms around her.

This wasn't right.

Hanji was always a glomper. She'd embrace me tightly, sometimes even to the point of crushing me. I'd mumble for her to get off me, and reluctantly she would let go of her hold of me, but that was the point. She held me.

And here I was, with my arms wrapped around this usual bundle to energy, that today was just a dim flame, holding her instead. I could count on one hand the times I had held her like this, and it was never good.

Suddenly, my mad best friend seemed so small. Fragile and still. Her breathing was steady, but even looking down at her face I could see signs of stress, bags under her eyes and just a paler complexion than usual.

Gently, I lifted my chin to rest on the top of her head - which would have been an impossible feat if we hadn't been sitting down. A careful hand of mine pulled away from my embrace to stroke her hair. Funny how although this type of behaviour was so foreign to me, I didn't seem to be doing too bad of a job. I guess Petra must have been rubbing off on me.

"Hey," My voice wavered at first, a soothing tone was not one I was too familiar with. So I scrapped that idea. "You better not be crying. This t-shirt is The Jam. I like it too much for all your gross snot over it."

Immediately, Hanji snorted some kind of awkward laugh into my chest and I silently breathed a sigh of relief. We cared for each other in non-conventional ways. It was just how we worked.

"Did you just fucking snort? Wow four eyes, wow." Hanji chuckled again, this time pulling away from me, but held her hands in mine resting on my lap. Her eyes were slightly red enough to let me know that she had indeed been crying.

"I'm just really glad to see you right now." She grinned but there was still an air of sadness in the way it didn't quite reach her eyes. What had my best friend been dealing with while I acted like a love sick school girl?

"C'mon," I sighed, dragging myself to my feet, and doing the same to her before I linked my arm through hers and began walking towards the museum cafeteria. "Let's get some coffee and you can tell me about this obviously shit time you've been having."

 

 

***

 

 

"He's just been acting so distantly lately!" Hanji exclaimed, throwing her right arm over the back of her chair letting out a sigh. With her other hand she put her coffee down and tore her glasses from her face, shoved them on to her head and into her hair, then rubbed at her eyes. "I don't get it." She mumbled.

"Is this the first time it's happened?" I asked, hesitantly. I wasn't one for relationship advice, but this was Hanji. I was willing to try and help her out.

"Mike and I have been together for four years." Hanji leaned forwards, her face almost stern. "We've argued, of course we have. Every couple argues. But it's never been like this. Arguing would be better than this." Her disheartened face tugged at my heart strings. "It would be better than feeling as if he doesn't want me around anymore."

"That's bull and you know it." Hanji would have usually reacted to that. She just continued to stare at the table now. "He loves you. I don't understand why. You're a total freak. But then again so is he. You fit." A slight smirk played on the edges of Hanji's mouth.

"Then why is he acting like this?" Hanji met my gaze. "It's not even like things aren't normal. It's like they are normal, and then he stops. Like the other night, we were having dinner and I held his hand, like we usually do, and then he holds mine back, like usual. And then he just stares at it, and pulls away!" Hanji's frustration was now all too obvious. "I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong, Levi."

"Ask then." I shrugged, leaning back into my chair and taking a sip from my own coffee.

"What?" Her brows furrowed, confusion knotting them together.

"If you don't ask him what's wrong, the odds are you won't find out until it's too late." Well that was blunter than I intended. "Communication is key and all that jazz." I said waving a hand.

Hanji grinned all of a sudden. "Is that so?" She put her arms on the table and sank down to rest her chin on top of them. "So how are your communications with a certain young photographer going?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"Oh no," I put up my hands. "We are talking about you for once, leave the brat out of this."

"But Levi," She whined. "I wanna know. It'll cheer me up. I swear, so you have to tell me about him." Hanji actually tried batting her eyelashes at me.

Well. What the hell?

"Communication," I mused, clasping my hands together in front of me. "It's not just talking, right?"

"Of course not!" Hanji shook her head. "There's a whole study that shows that body language makes up most of the communication between two people. You know the saying, actions speak louder than words. It's true." As she spoke she removed her glasses from her head, and reached forwards to pick up her coffee.

"Well, I guess our communications are going well then." I shrugged. Yeah. I was playing it up. Big deal.

Hanji smiled, and took a sip of her coffee. Perfect timing, I guess.

"I kissed him."

It would have been silence between us if it weren't for the snorting and spluttering Hanji was currently coughing out. She slammed a dramatic fist against her chest until her coughing ceased and she regained her breath. "That was attractive." I deadpanned.

"I'm sorry - you what!?" Hanji stared at me, wide eyed. It took a second of me staring back at her (because really, what was I supposed to add on to that?), before she broke out into another grin. The massive hug she dived across the table to give me, nearly knocking over our coffee in the process, was bearable considering how down she had been. And still was, obviously. I realised I was happy to be distraction for her.

"Calm down, glasses." I rolled my eyes as she slipped back into her seat. "The only thing he's said to me since was that he couldn't hang out tonight." I smiled, somewhat bitterly.

"Wait- did he kiss back?" Hanji questioned, eyebrows raised.

I sighed. "Yeah, he did." Then I shook my head, as if dispelling the hope rising in my gut. "But that doesn't matter. It was just a reaction. Or, y'know, he would have spoken to me since then."

Hanji, for once in her life, buttoned her lip. She pouted for a moment, thoughts obviously swirling in her head before she spoke finally. "Maybe he's just feeling shy about it. He's probably confused."

"It was slightly out of the blue." I admitted. "And I didn't say anything afterwards."

"See," Hanji gestured towards me with her hand. "He probably has no idea what to make of it. Or what you meant by it."

I didn't reply, instead I took a sip of my coffee. She might be right. Eren could be just as confused about why I had done it, as I was about his reaction now.

"Tell you what, 'Mr. Communication is Key.'" Hanji made dramatic air quotes with her fingers as she spoke. "I will talk to Mike, if you talk to Eren. Soon. Do we have a deal?" She stuck her hand out across the table.

I allowed myself to stare at her hand for a moment before accepting it, because why the hell not?

God, they were probably gonna be my dying words, weren't they?

 

 

***

 

 

Four days later and I hadn't spoken to Eren. Not even a text. It was like we had stopped existing to each other, and it was driving me insane. I couldn't sit still, couldn't sleep. I was looking at my phone every ten minutes even though I knew it hadn't gone off. The boy had me going crazy.

Did I feel bad about not holding up my side of the bargain from Hanji? Yes, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. And as long as I avoided the topic with her, it would be fine. She hadn't made any act to contact me either now that I thought about it. My life had been a cycle of get up, go to work, spend too long at the coffee shop hoping Eren might turn up and I could blow it off as a coincidence - all, "Oh, Eren. Hey, didn't see you there" - then come home, eat some microwave meal and lie awake in bed until the sun started to just peek through my curtains.

Four days isn't a long time. But it was the longest I had gone without speaking to Eren since the first time we had coffee and that night at the club. I hated myself because it felt like an eternity and I was acting like an obsessed teenager.

Even now it was early morning, some time all too ridiculous for me to be awake. But here I was. The thin sheets lay over my bare chest and I could see, through hazy eyes, them rise and fall with each breath I took The sky was pink, I could still tell even from behind my curtains. It left me wondering what the view of the city was like at sunrise from the shoe box balcony at Eren's apartment.

Had he ever watched it from there? Had he drawn it? Photographed it? Did he prefer sunset instead? Eren was always the curious one. He told me about himself, of course, but I never voiced the questions that rose from our conversations. Maybe I should have taken the chance to ask questions while I still had it. Did I still have that chance? I wanted to know more about him and now I was left wondering if I would get that chance.

I couldn't reach out to him though. I was the one to ruin things by kissing him. If he wanted things to go back to the way they were, then he would have to make the first move. I had already imposed that kiss upon him, I didn't want him to carry the burden of having to go back to normal with me.

He probably felt bad. If I went to him, asking if we could just, please, go back to the way we were, he'd probably pity me. I don't think I could stand that. I didn't want Eren to feel obligated to be my friend. If he didn't want anything to do with me, which the lack of attempts to contact me definitely pointed to, then that was his choice. I would just have to get on with it, wouldn't I?

God, I didn't want that. I was split, two sides of hurt. Firstly my pride. I don't know what I was expecting when I kissed him, what I thought was going to happen - hell, I don't even know if I was thinking at all - but whatever it was, it wasn't this. But not seeing Eren, the thought of Eren not wanting to see me, well it hurt more than my ego right now.

A glance at my phone at the side of my bed - still no messages, by the way - told me it was 4:24AM. There was still and hour and a half before I needed to get up. With a groan, I rolled over on to my side, burrowed as far down in to the sheets as possible, and tried to drift back off to sleep.

 

 

***

 

 

 

  
I didn't get back to sleep. I tossed and turned until my alarm finally went off. An hour and a half is a lot longer than it seems when you're alone with your thoughts. Thoughts you don't really want to hear. I was thankful when my alarm went off, because even though I could have gotten up whenever I wanted, nobody could say I hadn't tried my hardest to sleep. Not that anyone would anyway.

I showered and dressed in a haze, skipped breakfast and headed to work on time as usual. The bookshop was busier than usual for some reason, not that it was actually that busy. Just busy for us. Pixis still slept in the backroom, I didn't blame the old man. I ran the cash register as usual and helped out a customer or two looking for something.

After making it through the day without so much as a break for lunch, it had quietened down now it was early evening. The shop floor was empty apart from me. Tipped to the brink of exhaustion, I figured closing early would be a good idea. It was only half past four, but I doubted anyone else would come in. And fuck it, if they did I'd tell them we were closed. I couldn't be bothered to deal with any more costumers today.

With the closed sign on show, I began finishing up. All I had to do was finish shelving the books on the trolley, and close up. Then I could go home. To sleep or watch shitty TV or something. Maybe I'd take a walk. The canal paths and river ways dotted around the city were peaceful around this time of night and contrasted greatly with the cityscape surrounding it. Walking along them was a habit I'd fallen out of recently, and I realised I wanted to pick it up again. It was a great place to not think - just look.

The thought of my walk still present in my mind, I pushed the book trolley into the back room. Immediately I began mapping out my route in my head as I began putting the books into their rightful places. Some of the shelves were full and needed rearranging but I had mostly gotten them all into the correct order when a noise distracted me.

The tinkle of the shop bell chimed as the door was pushed open. Even in the back room I could feel a brush of cold air sweep past and I shivered. What the hell?

Without bothering to turn around, I called out. "Can't you read a sign?" I puffed out a sigh. "We're closed." I enunciated each word carefully.

There was silence for a moment before he spoke. "I could always come back tomorrow." I could hear a slight hint of humour in the voice I had been waiting too long to hear.

It would probably have been embarrassing how quickly I shot out of the back room, if it wasn't for the fact there was a glare on my face rather than a grin. However when I turned to face Eren it disappeared and my face was left, just blank.

He looked good.

I'm not sure if it was the way his cheeks were slightly flushed from the cold outside despite his tan skin, and the way his dark brown scarf really brought out the green in his eyes, or if it was the fact I hadn't seen his face in four days. Four days was a long time, I decided then. It was a far too long time.

Eren looked casual, if not slightly awkward. His face wasn't expressionless like mine, but still unreadable to me. He stood there, looking at his feet, stubbing the tip on his converse on to the wood floor of the book shop. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his large coat, until he removed one to shove it through his hair. It's funny how I missed such a simple action.

"Er," Eren looked up at me, trying a small smile for a second. "Hey Levi."

I rolled my eyes. "Hey, brat." Casual. That's how I wanted to come across. I didn't want him to know about the hummingbird in my ribs or the butterflies in my stomach or the fuzz that was surrounding my mind, blurring everything apart from the fact that here's here - why is he here?

"Sorry I haven't been around much. Been kinda busy." Yeah, avoiding me. Eren stepped further into the book shop, at the same time I moved behind the counter. Put something between us, distant myself from the beautiful boy in front of me. I noticed he hadn't even take off his coat. Usually he shredded his outer layers and put them with mine as soon as he stepped in. Obviously wasn't planning a long visit then. "How are you?"

I pretended to busy myself, grabbing odd papers from around and piling them together, finding some sort of an order for check lists and book orders and whatever else was lying around. "Peachy." I answered simply, my face not changing still.

"That's good." Eren nodded. God he was trying. For what though? Couldn't he just get it over with? How hard was it to tell someone you don't want to be around them anymore? That, sorry, I don't feel the way you do. Or hell, even worse, I'm not actually gay in anyway, shape or form. Kid just had to bite the bullet. Dragging it out was worse, every time.

"Levi, are you listening?" Eren spoke again and grabbed my attention, and I realised he had been speaking as I drifted off.

I grabbed a pile of books, and walked past him to a near by book shelf. I felt his eyes follow me as I began to stack them. "No sorry, I zoned out."

"You only do that when something's wrong." When I turned back towards Eren, he was blushing, undoubtedly not from the cold anymore. When did he figure that out? He was right, of course.

"Sometimes you can't help your thoughts." I shrugged. "They're there whether you want to hear them or not. I get too wrapped up in them sometimes." Why was I walking towards him again? This was not the plan. I stood in front of Eren, granted still a few large paces away from him.

"What were you thinking about?" He asked, point blank, meeting my eyes for a only a second before his darted to the shelves behind me.

I hesitated. "It doesn't matter." He didn't react to me brushing him off. "Did you need something?" As if he needed a reason to turn up here. That's what I wanted it to feel like. Make it easier for him to spit those words out. I walked past him, into the back book room, and heard his footsteps following me.

"I - I, er - no." Eren spluttered. "Well, yeah, okay actually. I need to talk to you." He sounded honest. I was getting tired of this. The longer you draw it out, the further back you pull the punch, the more it hurts when you land the hit. He needed to get on with it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I turned to face him carefully, letting confidence fill my mannerisms even though I was wavering inside. For once I didn't mind having to look up to him, because he was the one looking nervous. I knew what was coming and was ready for it. "Then talk." I said simply, eyes slightly narrowed.

He didn't straight away, allowing himself a moment to push the hair out of his face and look up for a split second as if searching for words before he began to speak. "I know we haven't really spoken since, it, happened," They way he stressed the word 'it' nearly made me flinch. "But because of that, we haven't spoken about it. And, uh. I think we need to. Talk about it. That is. I don't know what you meant by it and, er. I just -"

"For fuck's sake, Eren." I cut him off with a harsh laugh. "I forget how much of a child you can actually be." Confusion crossed his face, followed by a flash of hurt, his eyes wide and mouth still slightly apart.

The look on his face stung, but I just need to get this over with. Besides, the more he hurt the more he'd realise he wasn't going to be missing out on anything. It'd make things easier for him. "Levi-"

"Just listen, Eren." I waited to make sure he wasn't going to carry on talking before I continued. "I'm sorry I kissed you. I don't know what was going through my head to make me think it was okay to just do that and make you feel like this, so I'm sorry." My voice didn't sound very sorry.

Eren looked like he wanted to continue talking but I silenced him by holding up a finger. I wasn't finished. "So now I get it, you feel awkward because I like you, and you don't want to hang out anymore. But you didn't have to drag it out like this. I've been going crazy waiting for when you were gonna build up the fucking courage to tell me that we can't be friends anymore because I fucked up." Eren opened his mouth again. "I am not finished! I get you needed time to think about what you were going to say, but I've been stewing thinking about what was going to happen to us. And I know there isn't an us, not really." I paused, breathing deeply.

"Part of me thought you weren't going to say anything. Just ignore me, which I couldn't have taken. So I'm glad you're here now. I just - I'm sorry for fucking this up." Silence. "You don't need to say anything." It would probably be better if he didn't.

"I was just waiting until I was allowed to talk." Eren shrugged. "The reason I haven't spoken to you isn't because I don't want to hang out with you anymore. You didn't try to talk to me. I was just -" He trailed off, looking at the floor again, green eyes almost closed.

"Say it." I prompted, arms folded. Where was he going with this?

"I was worried you, y'know," He bit his lip before finishing the sentence. "I was worried you regretted kissing me."

I think my mouth might have fallen open.

"I know I'm a kid to you. I don't know why you kissed me - well, I think I have an idea now - but then you didn't text me. And I know I usually text you first anyway, but I didn't want to talk about it, because - God, this sounds so stupid - I didn't want you to take it away. To brush it off as a mistake or whatever, because it was important to me." Eren looked straight at me, and smiled almost wearily. "You're important to me."

I couldn't help what happened next. I don't even remember stepping forwards or reaching out but somehow my hands were on his face and my lips pressed against his and my whole body arched to get as close to him as possible.

This kiss was not like the first. This kiss felt like fire - no, not fire. It felt electric. It didn't burn so much as tingle, a live wire putting all of me on edge. He was pressed back against the book shelf, and I would have been lying if I said I hadn't of noticed some books toppling to the floor. Not that I cared.

Eren reacted quickly, his arms wrapping around me tightly, his hand pressing against the small of my back as he held me closer. His mouth moved against mine, peppering me with smaller kisses in between our longer ones where I felt his lips melt into mine.

My arms wound around his neck, hands seeping into his mess of hair and latching onto his locks. I felt his tongue trace my bottom lip before entering my mouth, and why was I surprised? It was Eren all over, eager and excited and curious and passionate. I met his tongue with my own until eventually we pulled away, breathing ragged.

We didn't say anything for a moment, just stayed there in a blissful embrace. Eren's hand was tracing circles on my back. Eventually, I broke the silence. "Kid?"

He met my eyes, his green ones slightly misty looking down at me. He was grinning like an idiot and I couldn't help but smirk. "Yeah, Levi?"

"You're important to me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember you can follow me on tumblr, I'm sorrows-stark. Come and talk to me if you want to. Merry Christmas and happy holidays guys.


	12. Proposal and Pizzas

I woke up on my sofa, back aching, my legs wrapped around a blanket. My living room was warm and the TV was still on - a DVD menu looping in the background. After stirring, I sat up, head aching a little. A crash sounded from the kitchen and then -  
  
"Crap!" A hushed voice exclaimed.

Last night came rather suddenly.

Eren hadn't left the book store after our kiss. We stayed wrapped up for a while, resting my head on his chest. He kissed the top of my head. Eventually we came to leave, and while I offered to drive him home he insisted he didn't want to go yet. So he came home with me.

And no - nothing like that happened. I thought about it, like I had before. But even though I wanted him, I didn't want that and I didn't want it now. I wasn't sure he did either and until he was certain I wasn't even going to bring it up.

Instead we crashed on my sofa, watched some shitty zombie movie until Eren drifted off. I moved the heavy sleeper to my bed and left him there, admittedly after brushing his soft, hazel hair out of his eyes.

I had wandered back to my sofa, read for a while before passing out and was woken to the smell of cooking. I stood, and shuffled into the kitchen.

Eren was knelt on the floor, scrubbing at the white tiles at what appeared to be a broken egg. He scooped the shell into his hand and stood to put it in the bin. After he turned, and met my eyes. His widened, a blush striking his cheeks.

"Morning." I let my voice take its monotone sound as I walked towards the coffee machine. A pot had already brewed - the boy knew me well.

"Morning!" Eren was still blushing, eyes angled down. "I made pancakes, and bacon, and eggs because, I wasn't exactly sure what you'd want but you gave my your bed last night so I thought I could at least make you breakfast. I was gonna bring it to the couch but-"

"Eren." I put my coffee cup down, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Why are you rambling?"

He pursed his lips, looking away. "You're not wearing a shirt."

I knew I wasn't wearing a shirt - I had slept without one last night, opting just for pajama bottoms - but I still looked down at my own chest as if I was surprised.

"Oh." I began walking out of the kitchen. "Well if it's that distracting I can go put a shirt-"

"No!" Eren exclaimed, grabbing my hand. Instinctively I held it. "I mean, not that I don't want you to put a shirt on but breakfast is already ready. I mean, I don't want you to put a shirt on but that's not why I don't. It's a very attractive torso it's just-"

"Eren." I stopped him.

He sighed. "How do you have a six pack? I just don't understand, when do you even get time to work out?"

I had sat back down at the table, plate in front of me. "Mornings, building's gym downstairs."

"God, I can't even get up before ten, let alone work out." Eren whined, dishing pancakes onto two plates.

"Wait, what time is it now?" I asked, glancing around.

"Just gone eleven." Eren had sat down and began eating.

It was later than I thought. But then again, I had no where to be. I wondered if the handsome boy sat opposite me did though. I hoped he didn't. I didn't know it was possible for me to still feel the same way about him while he sat in front of me, shovelling food into his mouth. But I did. I still wanted him close to me. Maybe not wanting to kiss him right now, but I would when he had wiped his mouth.

"You're looking at me." Eren had paused, fork halfway to his mouth.

"You're cute." I shrugged. He dragged his sleeve across his mouth, swiping the crumbs away, indignantly.

"I'm not cute, I'm just eating pancakes." He huffed.

I'm not sure why I did it, but if I was honest with myself the reason was probably because I could now. And I did, because I wanted to.

I stood from my chair, leaned over the table towards him and tilted his chin with my hand. I pressed my lips against his, a single kiss, my lips lingering by his afterwards. "You're cute." I said again, my face still inches from his.

"You should do that again, probably." Eren's eyes were wide again, gazing up at me for once instead of the other way around.

"Gladly." I replied, kissing him again. He react this time, one of his hands coming up to grab at my neck, and the other touching the side of my face. Eren moved his lips with mine, running his hand over my undercut. We broke apart, both breathless, although I hid it better. I sat down abruptly. "Now shut up and eat your pancakes."

Eren grinned.

 

***

 

Breakfast went quickly after that. We cleaned up together - he washed, I dried. It was almost domestic. I guessed I must be becoming a sap because I fucking loved it.

I let him have the first shower, cleaning up the living room while he did so. He came out with a towel wrapped around his waist and I could see maybe why he reacted the way he did this morning. His tan skin glistened and although he was slim he was less toned, more skinny. He was gorgeous. I kept my mouth shut and my eyes steady though. He asked for a t-shirt of mine to wear to class and I had to pretend I didn't adore seeing him in my clothes.

"I'm sorry I have to dash but I'll be back tonight." Eren stooped to pick up his satchel and walked towards the door. "If you want me to, that is."

I smirked, putting my hand on his shoulder, straightening out his t-shirt. "I want you to, brat."

"Heh, great." Erin smiled, baring his teeth, and running a hand through his unruly hair. "So I'll see you in a bit."

"You will." I agreed, not sure if we were supposed to drag out goodbyes now. Before I could wonder more, he dipped his head and gave me a quick kiss, smiling like a fool as he did so. I didn't know how to feel about the fact I was smiling too. "Get out of here, you loser. Quick, you'll be late for class."

"Goodbye Levi," He grinned, ducking out the door.

I was about to shut my door as he walked away, but I heard voices. They had rounded the corner so I couldn't see them, but as I heard footsteps approaching I assumed he had forgotten something. Instead, Hanji rounding the corner.

"So you held up your side of the bargain too!?" She positively beamed at me.

  
"He came to the book store, that is so cute." Hanji sighed wistfully, hands wrapped around her coffee cup. "And you kissed him again! Just as good as last time?" She teased.

I smirked. "Better."

"Better!?" Hanji boomed. "Levi this is great news!" I tried to nod casually as I took a sip of coffee. Inside I was agreeing. I was the happiest I had felt for a long time. "So are you two dating? Is he your boyfriend?"

I paused.

"I don't know." I said, honestly. "We didn't discuss anything last night-"

"He stayed the night!? Levi, you dog!"

"Not like that, four eyes!" I growled. "He took my bed. I slept on the couch."

"Aw, you could have at least cuddled. Eren looks like a cuddler." Hanji hummed, happily. "He was basically glowing when I saw him earlier. I think he's just as happy as you are."

I didn't reply immediately. There was a change of tone and suddenly all I wanted to hear was that Eren enjoyed being with me. "You think?"

"God, I know. Bet he hated leaving." I hated him leaving. "But I take it he'll be back tonight, right?"

I nodded. "He said he would."

Hanji paused for a moment, thinking apparently. "Maybe you should do something?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "Make him dinner or something. Or rent his favourite movie."

"Nobody rents movies anymore, idiot." But maybe she was on to something. I wasn't a romantic guy. Clingy, yes, jealous, yes, needing constant reassurance but too afraid to ask for it, yes. But not romantic. However, Eren seemed like he was. Would he like me to do something like that? I'd have to think about it. For now I'd change the subject.

"So you said I held up my side of the bargain 'too'?" I questioned. "You talked to Mike?"

"Uhuh! That's what I came to talk about." Hanji smiled rather, sweetly, for her.

"Well do tell, then." I pressed, leaning back into my chair.

"Okay so I came home from work, and he was being strange again. So I kinda lost it. I got mad and shouted and basically said if there was something wrong he should just tell me, if he didn't want me anymore then I deserved to know." Hanji sighed, but still grinned. "Levi, he laughed at me. He had just been planning to ask me to marry him. He'd been nervous and that's why he was acting strange." She laughed, relief echoed through it. "Levi, I'm getting married. We're gonna get married!"

I smiled. Genuinely, for a few seconds, because it was a gift to see my best friend happy again. And happier than she even was before. "Well, congratulations, four eyes."

"I'm a fiance!" She squealed. "I'll be a wife!"

"That is what getting married means, yeah."

"And you'll be a maid of honour!"

Hanji winced.

"What." The grin was gone from my face.

"Well, I wanted to ask you, to be my maid of honour! Yay!" Hanji tried, but it sounded more like a plea. "Say yay!"

"Nay." I deadpanned. "Y'know they're supposed to be a woman, right? And already married?"

"Technically, but c'mon." Hanji waved her hand. "Literally what about this wedding will be traditional?"

True. I couldn't imagine Hanji having a normal wedding. I wouldn't want to either. "Can't you ask Petra?"

"I want her to be chief bridesmaid." Hanji dismissed. "You're my best friend, I want it to be you."

"Hanji." I moaned, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"C'mon Levi, you love planning things!" I grunted because it was true. Hanji, the dramatic twat she is, got up from her chair, and knelt in front of mine.

"Levi. There comes a point in every friendship, when you really really need the other to do something for you. This is my special day, but it won't be special without you." She lay her head in my lap. "Please."

"You guilt tripping fuck." I sighed, stroking her hair.

"Is that a yes?" I could hear her voice getting higher.

"Yes, fuck face, I'll be your damn maid of honour."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Hanji shot up and wrapped her arms around my neck. She pressed an almost slobbery kiss to my cheek, much to my displeasure.

 

***

 

The bags from the grocery store where really weighing on my arms as I went up the stairs to my apartment. At this rate, I would pay myself for the elevator to be fixed. Maybe I was becoming lazier as I got older.

When I reached my apartment I packed away the newly bought items and sat down on the sofa. After Hanji had left, I thought long and hard about something to do with or for Eren tonight. Romance really wasn't my area, but eventually I thought it didn't need to be. Eren was fun, he liked fun. So I had tried to think of something fun.

My phone buzzed next to me.

Be over at 7 xx

Perfect. I had time to clean the apartment before he came over.

I was concerned at half seven. It was like Eren in the time I'd known him to be late. Not only that, but Eren hadn't called or texted to say where he was. That wasn't like Eren either. By eight, concern had turned to worry. And by nine I was mad.

Despite calls and texts, the green eyed boy hadn't replied. I began to doubt myself. Maybe he had changed his mind about me, wondered what he was doing with a man my age when he was in his prime. Or maybe it was my foul attitude. Either way, I was convinced this was my doing.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I cleaned in the kitchen again. I sat on the sofa. I picked up my book and let my eyes run over the words, pretending that they were registering. Instead I wondered when when I'd hear from the boy I was agonising over.

My answer came as a knock at my door. My legs moved at speeds I didn't know possible. I wrenched open the door and there he was, rain soaked, red eyed and shivering.

"I'm sorry I'm so late," His voice was rough. "I should have called, or answer-"

Suddenly it didn't matter why he hadn't called or why he was late because it was clear to me Eren was hurting, his hoarse voice and blurry eyes showed he'd been crying and all that did matter was making him feel okay again. So I pulled him towards me.

I damned my height in that moment, wanting him to rest his head on my chest so I could protect him from the world. Instead he leaned over me. He seemed fine with the arrangement anyway, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt to bring me closer to him. His damp clothes still smelled like him, so I pressed my nose against him. "It's okay, kid, whatever it is, it'll be okay." I pressed my mouth against his neck so my words were muffled. "I'll make it okay."

We stood like that for a while, until Eren pulled away, taking a deep breath. I would've held him longer. As long as he needed, but Eren seemed composed. "We gonna talk about it?"

Eren had began taking off his shoes, and this was not the time to be looking at the brat's ass but God. "Armin and I had a fight." His voice shook a little. "We've been friends for so long and we've never fought like that. He called me arrogant and selfish and it's true but -"

"It's not true." I said matter of factly. I wasn't sure if I had ever corrected someone faster than that. "You're not either of those things."

Eren sighed. "It doesn't matter now anyway." He stood back up and faced me again. He slid his hands around my waist. "I wanna put it out of my mind. I'm so sorry I'm late. But can we just try and have a normal evening?" He had stepped closer and was staring down at me now. God, I wanted to close the gap and kiss him.

"First, you change." I said, laying my hands on his chest. "Dry clothes, and then back to our evening, sure."

He grinned sheepishly. "I may not have bought any clothes with me."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? I mean you always stay the night."

"Maybe I just wanted to scrounge off you again." He tried to smile confidently, even flirtatiously, but he still blushed slightly. "I like your clothes."

"Well, go take your pick then." I rolled my eyes, escaping his grasp to move towards the couch. "I'll be here when you're done."

"I'll hurry, then."

  
"Levi," Eren called from my kitchen. He had changed, joined me in the lounge and then exclaimed he was hungry. "What are all of these groceries?"

My brain suddenly clicked. I remembered what I had planned for tonight. I walked to the kitchen and leaned against the entrance to it, watching Eren dig through the bags. "Well, uh. I know we always order pizza. So I thought, maybe it might be fun to make our own instead so I got a bunch of stuff. But it's late and you probably can't be bothered for that so let's order some in, yeah?"

"Order some in? Are you crazy?" Eren exclaimed. He stopped rummaging and stepped towards me again with purposeful strides. "You did this for me." It wasn't a question. "We're making pizzas, Levi. I'm gonna make the best pizza you've ever seen."

"Wanna bet?" I encouraged.

"Oh it's so on."

 

***

  
So we made pizzas. We made dough and flicked flour at each other, I didn't even think about him mucking up my spotless kitchen because the smile on his face compared to how he looked when he entered my apartment was something I wanted to cherish. I had made him happy.

Eren slathered his in the different types of meat I had bought, pepperoni, salami, ham and bacon, topped with a huge amount of cheese. I settled with the vegetables I wanted of there and a few sliced of chicken - apparently I was boring. But we put them in the over regardless, and picked a movie while they cooked.

We ate and watched into the early hours of the morning until we were just sat in each other's arms. Eren had just spoken about Armin, so sleepy that his words were slurred. "He's my best friend, Levi. No, he's family. Mikasa and Armin are my family." I nodded. "What did you think when I didn't show?"

"Honestly?" I questioned. I hadn't thought I would have to voice this, but I didn't wanna make a habit of lying to the kid. "I thought it was me. I thought you had realised you hadn't wanted me. This, whatever this is." My voice barely a whisper.

Eren sat up.

"Never think that!" He exclaimed. "You're what I'm most sure of." He paused. "Except, definition wise. I guess I am a little unsure of what I am to you - with you."

"Eren," I tilted his chin up to meet my gaze from where he had adverted his to the floor. "I want you to be whatever you want to be."

"And if I wanted to be your boyfriend?" He queried quietly.

"I would love to be yours."

And then he was kissing me, arms wrapped around my neck, practically in my lap. Our mouths moved slow and soft, all feelings and no desperation. I wanted to show him I was serious. Whatever he wanted, I would give.

Eventually we parted and he rested his head on my chest, our legs tangled and spread out along the length of the sofa. He let out a yawn.

"C'mon, kid." I tried to shift him upwards, as softly as possible. "You're gonna fall asleep and I want you to in a bed."

"Where will you sleep?" Eren murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"On the couch." I said, but Eren grabbed my wrist.

"Then I'll sleep here too." I had stood, and he stared up at me from his place on the couch, eyes wide.

"Eren, no, you have a class tomorrow and it's late. Please take my bed."

"Only if you take it too. Stay with me." He pleaded. "I'll sleep better with you there anyway."

So I gave in, I dragged him from the sofa to where we collapsed on my bed, losing all clothes but our boxers I soaked in his tan skin. I slept on my back and he slept on my chest. I say I slept but instead I watched him sleep. The way his dark lashes would flutter as he dream, how his chest moved as he breathed and eventually, how the morning light splayed on his skin. I would be tired in the morning but for now I didn't care. He was here.


End file.
